Eric Amaya > Recent Status Updates

This section was about family and how it is hard to set boundaries with parents and in laws and siblings. It says that you and your partner should be on the same page then individually go to their respective families to set those boundaries. It also says to be patient as this may be your partners first time having to set these boundaries.

I liked where this book talked about self betrayal and identity. How some days we honor our boundaries and some days we do not. The portion where it talked about how we cannot change people but we can change how we deal with them and accept is also something I agree with.

The story is going on about a man who had no boundaries with his money and was living paycheck to paycheck but kept buying things out of his range and living above his means.

I read while Jeff complaining I learned all the different ways someone develops trauma from boundary violations

Memories and trauma can lead to
Someone putting up walls and having a closed mindset preventing them from finding happiness or never resolving previous issues

Passive aggressive boundary setting is just acting out without saying why and manipulating is using the other person without them know how they’re being used.

What story out most of the guilt tripping of other parties to get you to do what they want to do, a sign of boundary pushing and not respecting what you had decided. Having to make the conversation about you again with “I” statements

People do not have to like agree or understand your boundaries to respect them.

These are the answers to the exercise on page 65. My parents never really taught me too many boundaries. Some things were like you don’t have to interact with people you don’t like, but then I also had no say in what I ate and would be shunned for being picky. I think the biggest issue with setting boundaries is just feeling guilty in doing so. As if it’s bad to say no to someone or not want to help.

We don’t set boundaries because we are afraid of being mean, rude, we people please, anxious of what happens after, feeling powerless, self blaming and more

We don’t have boundaries because it’s uncomfortable

We often time do so much for others that we forget to take care of ourselves and that leads to us resenting people, complaining, gossiping, and we just need to be clear. We should also look at everything in our plates and see what there is actually for us.

It talked about unspoken boundaries and how we can’t expect people to spect limitations we don’t tell them about.

I made it tot he exercise where I have to reflect on when I’ve been told no told to, when I’ve said no, and why I don’t say no. OH RECENTLY J SAID NO TO JOSHUA ABOUT MONEY CAUSE I WAS SETTING A BOUNDARY I ONCE TOLD HIM ABOUT.

It was speaking on how people respond to boundaries. I think the one that called out the most to me is rationalizing and questioning. Because it’s asking a question to get more explanation then comparing to make sense of it.

It defines 3 levels of boundaries, porous (weak, oversharing, codependency, can’t say no), Rigid (having walls, cutting people out, super strict) and Healthy (being clear about your values, being comfortable, and sharing appropriately) it states that setting boundaries requires communication and action. Responses to boundaries are: pushing back, limit testing, and ignoring what was stated.

We’re currently defining what boundaries are and the meaning of it. The ones that stick out to me are Boundaries are a safeguard to overextending yourself, they are a way to communicate your needs, and they are a way to feel safe. (Yes I restarted the book this year *2026*)

It talked about blurred boundaries like telling people how to live their lives and gossiping.

It takes time for people and yourself to adjust to boundaries but you should not falter at all and we need to follow up on our boundaries not by explaining them but by sticking to our guns when they are pushed. There are blurred lines when establishing boundaries and we expect them to be met even when we don’t explicitly say it and a side effect of it is gossiping about it which ruins the other persons reputation.

Good. This session I read about setting boundaries and how to stick to it, along with how people will react to the boundaries. I need to state my needs clear, don’t provide a detailed story, be consistent and restate my needs when needed. It’s possible to receive pushback, or have the boundary tested, the silent treatment, or to be questioned. But I just have to stick to my guns and don’t switch up.

I read about micro aggressions, and about oversharing. Oversharing is something I do a lot, not even just about myself but about other people aswell and that’s a huge problem. Codependency chapter didn’t seem as crazy to me as I thought, it doesn’t sound like me and Mary so I was surprised. I’m having a good time relaying the book to my own life experiences.

I read about emotional boundaries and sexual boundaries and I believe the sexual boundaries are easy to understand. Those emotional boundaries though hit me a lot. I’m guilty of committing a lot of those violations like raising my voice or belittling a persons feelings. And they’re not intentional but I need to do a better job recognizing it.

We went into 6 types of boundary violations

Not too good, I don’t remember much. So does that mean I wasn’t really taking it in?

This portion Is about the effects the lack of boundaries will have on someone and the causes. The one that stood out to me is the Superman complex. Where you will carry all the burden and you never you can do everything and anything when in reality, you begin to leave out yourself because you’re doing everything and more when it’s not realistic. It asked whose expectation are you trying to meet, my answer? Mine.

This portion I read was about how people push boundaries. That consisted of ghosting, silent treatment, defensiveness, questioning and a lot more. I struggled with this portion because I do all of these a fair amount and I think, “do you just accept someone’s boundaries” even if they’re not what you want? It makes me think am I pushing too much or do I still have a right to try and speak my piece.

- We need boundaries when we are overwhelmed, resentful and, avoidant.
-Having Boundaries Means: self care practice, role defining for relationships, being able to communicate needs and more.
3 levels of boundaries:
- Porous(oversharing, people pleasing, codependency)
- Rigid (never sharing, cutting people out, strict rules)
- Healthy (Clear values, comfortably saying & hearing no, listening to your own opinion

I’ve re-read the beginning of this book so many times. I’m hoping that this attempt and writing this out will help. I remember reading that the signs that we are lacking boundaries is losing sleep, feel stressed and overwhelmed. Which makes sense. Boundaries are supposed to be a form of self care so when we have a lack of boundaries we aren’t taking care of our own needs.