em > Recent Status Updates

"What I'm trying to say, and Yuna's always been the better speaker, is I've always felt so lucky to have a son as wonderful as Shane that I never expected to be blessed with a second one."

"It is. We are engaged." Ilya was still getting used to saying those words aloud. To believing them.
"Then Shane Hollander is a lucky man"

"You are Shane fucking Hollander," Ilya growled. "If you ever forget that, I will drag you back in here and fuck you until you remember."

“Walking into the Montreal Voyageurs Locker room at the practice facility was the hardest thing Shane had ever forced himself to do.
For a long moment, he stood, frozen, just inside the door while everyone in the room—the men he loved like broth-ers—stared at him with obvious disgust. He felt sick. Or like his heart might explode.”

“Ilya wanted to say something obnoxious about how all of Shane's food restrictions and self-sacrifice translated to exactly one three seconds’ worth of athletic supremacy, but he decided to let Shane enjoy his victory instead.”

💔💔

"You should Bo be with your team." Ilya sighed. "Probably. Yes."
"Call me tomorrow. Or later tonight if you want. I'll just be, y'know, freaking out in my hotel room."
"Don't. Jerk off or something instead. Send me pictures."

You are the best thing in my life.
i love you. Always. Maybe from the first time I saw you.
You are the best thing in my life.
I love you. Always. Maybe from the first time I saw you.
I am thinking only about you right now. A million memories.
Thank you for those.
Whatever happens, I am with you. Safe in your heart. I believe it.

Okay fuck me alright

“Shane realized that most of Ilya's posts were, in weird cryptic ways, about Shane. His entire account was like a secret diary of their relationship, full of inside jokes and little references that only Shane would understand.

How could Shane have doubted for a second how fiercely Ilya loved him?”

"What? No way. Fuck that. Answer the question."
"No," Ilya said firmly.
Because Shane couldn't leave anything alone, he asked agaın,
"Would you choose me?"

Ilya didn't want to fight. He was exhausted, and miserable, and his boyfriend was breaking his fuking heart.
Quietly, in a voice that couldn't disguise his pain, he said,
"I already chose you, Hollander."

"You wouldn't even choose me, would you?" Ilya said. "If it is between me and hockey."

“ "He isn't demanding, He didn't ask me to sell the cars, or to stop going out. He wants me to be happy."
"Does he know you're not?" “

“He imagined Shane would be similarly unforgiving if Ilya took his own life. Not that Ilya ever would. Unless he couldnt help it.
I'm trying to get better.”

Oh god

“"You're great with kids." Shane brushed their noses together, then kissed Ilya's mouth. He tasted like the lemonade Shane had declined at the Pikes' house but that Ilya had happily drank two glasses of. Shane guiltily enjoyed the taste now, sweet and tangy.”

Please just drink the lemonade Shane bby

“"What?" he asked.
Kiss me, Ilya wanted to say. Kiss me and hold me in front of all these people. Pull me onstage and do it. I don't care anymore. Please. I'm dying.”

I’m gonna die in the by the end of this aren’t I?

“He was terrified that one day Shane would realize he could be with someone who wasn't a dark se-cret. That it could be easy to love someone.”

“Maybe you should eat carbs.”
“I eat healthy carbs.”
“You eat nothing.”

Omg omg it’s already starting. I am not okay.

“He’d left Russia, he was uneasy in America, and he’d spent his entire adult life drifting between continents and between lovers. But now he had been reeled in by this annoying Canadian, and all that he knew was that he wanted to stay. He wanted to anchor himself to Shane and just…stay.”

“Do you want the problem to go away?”
“I do not want the problem to ever go away.”

“Shane’s hands cradled Ilya’s face as he kissed him with the force of everything they had almost said out loud.”

Oh my fuck 😭😭