Izzy Stubblefield > Recent Status Updates

“but i don’t want comfort. i want god, i want poetry, i want real danger, i want freedom, i want goodness. i want sin.”

“but standing in my living room, i imagine what it might fool like to be reckless. my breath catches at the thought of what would happen if i spilled a line of gasoline over all this evidence, from thirty-two all the way back to fifteen. the wreckage i’d cause if i dropped a match and let it burn.” maybe don’t ??

“the next day, a box arrives in the mail postmarked the day before he jumped from the bridge. inside i find polaroids, letters, cards, and photocopies of essays i write for his class, everything resting on a bed of yellowed cotton-the strawberry pajamas he bought for me the first time we slept together. there’s no note, but i need no explanation. it’s all the evidence, every last bit he had.” wtf bro no

“it’s strange to know that whenever i remember myself at fifteen, ill think of this.” shut up. what.

“he traces road maps of blue veins on my skin, talks about how hungry i make him, that he’d eat me if he could. i wordlessly offer him my arm. go ahead. he gives it only a soft mouthed bite, but i would probably let him tear me apart. i’d let him do anything.” oh you’re joking.

“one ought, milena, to take your face in both hands and look you square in the eye, so that you would see yourself in the eyes of the other person, then you could not even think the kinds of things you wrote there.”

“i can’t listen both to the terrible inner voices and to you simultaneously, but i can listen to what the voices are saying and confide this in you, trusting you like no other person in the world.”

“it’s a letter that was written a long time ago but never sent. it’s addressed to you. it starts with your first name.

it dates from august 1984.”

I CANT DO THIS WTF GUYS

crying at the dr bro wtf i can’t

“because now i know. i know that thomas consented to this single picture only because he knew (had decided) that it was our last moment together. he smiled so that i could take his smile with me.” hey so i didn’t like that. i’m sobbing.