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rereading tsh because it's october and im missing good (published) literature

Then, knowing:
The moon does not get sad. Or at least, not because of that.
Of that, the moon is terribly proud.

She says, He likes the pancakes, he should have more.
& what would she say if she could
say, be more? & what am I looking for, exactly? Do I look at her, the way she would like? Have I said I love you recently—the exact words, yes, but what about the exact foods? Couldn’t we ask each other for more?

"But the sorrow is held by your heart now, your own
exquisite machine that seems finally to contain it.
Then even your most stubborn muscle grows weary, & sends it
whirling through your bloodstream & your blood carries it,
everywhere in your body at once, so there is no more moving.
So you sit, on the floor of the toy store, like the end
of an avalanche, each rock, tree, & small wish of you
crushed, heaped."

"I’m sorry, I meant for this to be
an ode, a love letter, & it is, I swear,
but the ways you’d been treated—I knew I
couldn’t, on top of all that, lie to you. I didn’t
intend to meet you & you yourselves were
probably hoping for better. But isn’t this
how it happens? Aren’t all great
love stories, at their core,
great mistakes?"

"I tried to enrage God by saying things like When I asked
my mother about you, she was in the middle of making dinner
so she just said Too busy. I tried to confuse God by saying I am
a made-up dinosaur & a real dinosaur & who knows maybe
I love you, but then God ended up relating to me. God said I am
a good dinosaur but also sort of evil & sometimes loving no one."

wow. just wow.

Marilyn smiled back, a fake smile, the same one she had given to her mother all those years. You lifted the corners of your mouth toward your ears. You kept your lips closed. It was amazing how no one could tell.

I could have done that, Marilyn thought, and the words clicked into place like puzzle pieces, shocking her with their rightness. The hypothetical past perfect, the tense of missed chances. Tears dripped down her chin. No, she thought suddenly. I could do that.

Was she sad? She was angry. Furious at the smallness of her mother’s life.

OH THIS EATS

"The thought that flashed through her mind wasn’t 'How did I miss it?' but 'What else have you been hiding?'"

1) oh this eats so far
2) is this like the we need to talk about kevin situation /j

But despite all the hell-raising and destruction and chaos he had created in our lives, I could not imagine what my life would be likewhat the world would be likewithout him in it. As awful as he could be, I always knew he loved me in a way no one else ever had.

"I fell asleep only to be woken at first light by Brian, who, like Mom, wasn't an early riser."

oh my shayla :(

"I'm not upset because I'll miss you," Mom said. "I'm upset because you get to go to New York and I'm stuck here. It's not fair."

"I'll never get out of here," Lori kept saying. "I'll never get out of here."

i read that the older sisters glasses for supposed short-sightedness made her eyes bug out and couldn't stop thinking about for twenty pages. that's not how myopic lenses work-

am i cooked...

excited!! i've been wanting to read his books for multiple years at this point

‘If your mammy tries to leave me, maybe I’ll throw us all off the back cliff,’ I sing to the baby.

ok i giggled at this

not even surprised at this point

picking the book back up in the same manner as handling a bomb after that insane sequence of events i read two weeks ago

The way I understood it, if the ending was good,
it cast goodness back over the whole.

In a language neither of us knows,
she is telling me she loves me,
and I am repeating the sounds back to her,
learning.
It sounds like the heart trying to leave the chest.