Lauren > Recent Status Updates

“Move forward with the intention to understand your partner with an attitude of openness and curiosity, and most importantly, without judgement of your partner and yourself” (94).

“There’s a reason you’re here with me, with these couples, and with yourself in these pages. That reason is that no matter how bad it’s gotten, no matter how long you’ve been spinning around in a devastating conflict loop, no matter how much time has passed since you were in that circle of love that you used to have, you haven’t given up hope” (50).

“The beauty of being in a relationship is that if a particular ability comes naturally to your partner but does not to you, or vice versa, you can use your partner’s strength in this area to develop more of this ability in yourself. You should appreciate your partner’s skill in nurturing what is lacking in you” (47).

“Often one partner will be a rockstar when it comes to a capacity for emotional courage, accessing, facing, and expressing his or her feelings easily. Maybe the other partner has physical courage. For some, talking about feelings and engaging with others is fun, a recreational sport. For others, talking about or confronting feelings is about as much fun as a trip to the dentist” (46).

“...often the things you do to avoid conflict create the exact conflict you’re trying to avoid. You dodge the short term pain but set yourself up for long-term pain” (26).

“We have all had our buttons pushed and have started shouting, saying awful things that we don’t really mean” (39).

“Profound love can leave you feeling profoundly vulnerable. When you love deeply, you have more at risk. That feeling of unease or uncertainty (What if he leaves me? What if, eventually, we split up?) can tap into fears that lie at the very core of your being (Am I lovable? Am I good enough?)” (21).

Just one more...

“Contrary to popular opinion, snarky remarks, cold indifference, anger, and rude behavior generally don’t come from a place of contempt. However counterproductive, these behaviors are ‘protections,’ ways to avoid more uncomfortable emotions, like fear or pain or shame (10).”

Quotes That Resonated With Me:

“Too often we wind up feeling angry or misunderstood, and we react—hurting each other or retreating into hopelessness, and growing apart in the process (3).”

“To recognize the patterns at play, acknowledge them, and address them means exploring the fears, insecurities, old wounds, and unrealistic expectations that created them in the first place (9).”