Tilda Vivien > Recent Status Updates

He’d taken away one of the few relationships I believed was safe, true. And he lit it on fire and smiled as I burned with it.

I hadn’t quite grappled with the depths of that betrayal, and with the fact that in my dark moments my treacherous mind still thought back to those memories when I needed comfort. And if I still had capacity to yearn for someone who was never there to begin with.

I wished I could turn to stone myself. Then I wouldn’t have the constant companion of pain

If I were free, I would make them all pay the price for what they had done. They would feel every bruise, every moment of humiliation and betrayal.

But having that small kernel of hope was a dangerous thing, because if I lost it, then the despair might finally overtake me.

You can feel angry, you can feel whatever you like

In my not-so-humble opinion, trauma is impossible to understand unless you’ve lived it

People still turn away in horror at mental illness that is less… palatable. I’m not against anyone getting help, but when mental health becomes ugly, or confusing, or inconvenient, most still shuffle off in embarrassment.

Everything is sliding a tiny bit out of my control

Each day ive been riddled with anxiety, anticipation, and fury, like my blood has turned to bees

Sleeping like the dead in a safe, silent tomb

As an adult, I relish the quiet sanctity of my own home, if I am sick, or sad, tired, or just feel antisocial, I can push myself under the covers and breath in the space and silence and the MINEness of it all

People make their own beds in which to lie, and I won’t be judged for tucking them in at night

Doesn’t make him not a bastard. Just a dead bastard. Which makes one less bastard in the world. Things have been sadder

It’s not necessarily what you liked in school. It’s maybe what you care about? Like, whether that’s beauty, or money, or helping others.

I would sit at their table, silently taking in their bizarre, beautiful family dynamic

There was so much of her, and my whole being had a smouldered with envy in the shadow cast by her bright, burning flame

They gather around her like birds, feeding her, petting her, helping her. It’s good to feel part of this flock

Even though a lot has happened today, it’s really rather relaxing, being unemployed. Once you stop worrying about the whole money thing.

There’s nothing like the reminder of your own powerlessness

It gives me a path of nostalgia for something that I never actually had

Talking doesn’t take away pain, it spreads it

And then there’s me, drinking a glass of red wine and thinking about the past

‘Fewer not lesser you moron’

I know exactly how much damage a shit parent can do, and I don’t want to cause damage to someone who doesn’t deserve it and hasn’t asked for it.

Anger needs to go somewhere, or it just eats you up.

I contain my fave, because learning to do that is part of growing up in this society - especially as a woman.

People aren’t so bad, really. It’s what the world does to them.

Trust is important. I think it’s more important than love. I mean, I love all kind of things I don’t trust. Thunderstorms…white liquor…snakes.

How hungry I was to lone another soul.

I had suffered too much in my past to ever be afraid of what lay in my future