Ashley Vinaya > Recent Status Updates

Re-reading this now that I am wiser :)

Ughhhhh why is this book dragging.

Ack!

Ok I’m reflecting. Or worse call me performative. Anyway. Perhaps the sign of a decaying relationship really is when you no longer believe the other person acts in good faith and considers your best interests generally. Like what’s with the assuming malicious intent. I was recently told that I do bend over backwards trying to assume everything but mal-intent or to rationalize things tho. So maybe a me problem

You cannot blame the sun for disappearing the stars

Hm. I am feeling quite emotional actually

Hm so if you were in literal hell do you think there’s anything that could turn your thoughts off?

What a brave question queen. I don’t like the answer!!

“Really that was all my friend cared about, hiding— coming across some fold or some corner of this world that could keep him covered and make secret of him”

Hey so I WILL start crying!! what a crazy page of writing

“But there was a number of days— nine, be counted— that the bold beauty didn’t appear with her basket full of treats he’d never tasted. He found that he hated this absence of hers more than he’s ever hated anything or anyone in his life.”

“It isn’t Jarda’s fault if the line between my *feelings matter* and *my feelings are the priority* makes no sense to him, and it isn’t my fault if holding that line is all that makes sense to me.”

“So even if it isn’t hell you go to, Kinga-A, just go straight to wherever it is those who deny themselves nothing end up. Go right now.”

Ooooh. 👀

“And here’s how I view the issue: Susceptibility to the beauty of a woman and susceptibility to the beauty of a man are expressions of the difference between moon worship and sun worship. Moving in accordance with the moon, all and any ailments slip loose, you are well, all you think and feel is translucent.”

“”Permission? What is it that you want or need permission to do?” “To wonder”, I said, adding “I think” as a potential escape route. “All right. Permission to wonder about what?” “About opposites. About the terrible despair of trying to do what’s right, of seeking it out, never to be embraced by goodness in the end— not really. Not to mention the exhaustion of resisting what’s wrong.”