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forgive your parents, see them as people. set boundaries and ask them questions

Chapter 1: what used to be horror is becoming reality. Hopeless quest socialized. Favorite flaw. It’s a holographic image. Insecure ppl.

Chapter 2: downward spiral. not about high standards. how we relate. A need for approval is what drives. As long as he tried his best. It’s not self sacrificial. Not pulling a narcissistic act of brilliance. Shame based fears. Demanding perfection from others. Self oriented, other protected, social prescribed. The better u do, the better expected u are to do.

Chapter 3: Perfection leads to depression, anxiety, low self esteem. Lower sexual satisfaction. Increased marital problems, hiding from others, loneliness. Push it down and don’t deal and keep going. Screw up. Stop praising masochism or ordinary suffering. Depression, body dysmorphia. They don’t cope. It’s anti resilience. Burn out. Mask as brittle as porcelain.

Perfectionism doesn’t increase performance. That is survivors bias. It leads to self sabotage and procrastination due to avoiding shame. It hinders performance, and leads to work to the point of burnout. High effort and diminishing returns. Reach for excellence instead. Anticipate and accept failure as a part of life. Self worth is based on their efforts, so they withhold effort instead of trying their best.

Chapter 5: it’s on the rise. Self oriented, social, and other. It gets worse as we get older, cycle of never ending standards. Leading to worse mental health outcomes

Chapter 6: The society we grow up in is far more likely to influence us than our parents upbringing us. Parenting is hopeful spectating. We develop an idealized image of self because we aren’t okay with who we are, the wider the gap the lower our self esteem. Creating fear, weak self worth, and expose of imperfection. Tyrannies of should. Culture. Perfectionism is also inherited. Ambition is often compensation.

Chapter 7: Manufacturing discontent. Advertisers have put trillions of dollars into a vibe economy, where they are selling you a hotter, more productive version of yourself. Creating insecurity and discontent. Self-clarity is how you will care about yourself. It is more important to have self compassion than to have self esteem. Self compassion is to accept yourself fully, good and bad. To be human is to be fallible.

The importance of building a life and focusing on the self, and bad bitch career women often forget their worth

The author starts by talking about finding her ex husbands dead body
, she doesn’t make the teenagers walking by disappointed. Her ex used to cheat and he made a lot of money