cynthia > Recent Status Updates

there's a giant hole next to the stairs to our apt here, loretha swears she saw a big land crab in there once but no one else has ever seen it. just now i was reading before bed + loretha came in with a grainy photo she finally got of the cryptid crab + we excitedly looked at it. THEN i keep reading, pgs later annie tells a story abt stumbling on a big blue crab in a desert + calling over a stranger to admire it too!

we lost power bc of typhoon bavi so had a slow start to the morning. now we're going to cut some PVC and make mesh screens for the bottom of the tanks

palau suitcase book 2/4. i bought this four years ago, i think on the recommendation of jocelyn. just read the first chapter. it is high tide now so we are leaving to get some more giant clams

palau suitcase book 1 of 4, needed a small book of poetry and was so glad to rediscover this! thank you maggie <3

"what a fellow! strange how my heart fills with joy to hear the news, even though it brings back a heavy task i thought behind us."

book club with roland

finished epil.2, a broadly disliked 40pgs EVEN FURTHER articulating LT's (many) thots on history/free will. didn't hate it+he had some interesting pts! but it was so long-winded and not wholly convincing. harder to finish if i didn't know the end was in sight.

also finished LT's appendix and now I'M DONE!!! the 50pg left are various endnotes and references which i read throughout. rate&rev to come @some distant time

end of epil.1! finished months ago but winter quarter destroyed me so now updating. this is the end of the story; epil.2 is 40pg LT monologue

intriguing to see how the mcs change in middle age and adapt to family life. final assessmt: mary=angel+a fave for sure, nikolai=annoying but rightfully admires mary, p&n=eh..but i did LOVE ep.1.xvi! v tender, touching, real convo between lovers. nikolushka: good luck babe :')

ep.1.x maybe most disturbing ch i've read. not like i think LT shouldve written it differently—it's valuable to see how women were perceived+LT's idea of a REAL woman (which n has been set up to be since day1). also don't take issue with how n ended up, just the tone in which LT writes it. i think i just feel so sad that these were the views on how bright young women should grow up+v grateful to be alive today

all four volumes done, only epilogue left!

love how n+m grow to value the other's "formerly incomprehensible side of life" thru their friendship, yet don't change. pierre is "morally from the bathhouse", imo unrealistically so but glad he finds joy

i'm completely aware of the times but just could not help bristling at LT's "intelligent women" dig

thinking about how each death brings another to life in this story!

denisov sobbing re:raisins+petya taking vincent's hand :''( +platon's story of forgiveness. more whimsical math

LT on napoleon "the great": "the recognition of a greatness not measurable by good and bad is only a recognition of one's own immeasurable littleness. with the measures of good and bad given us by christ, nothing is immeasurable. and there is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness, and truth."

the tide of the war finally turns+our big friend finally reaches enlightenment after 1000pg of grasping for truth (IV.2.xii). interesting to read about his (EXTREMELY sudden but ig times are dire) transformation; not complaining bc i'm happy to be able to root for him+his growth into some1 worthy of n!

heavy war sections slowing me down. since i started mid-jan last yr tho i'll say it's okay i'm not done yet. SOON!

NOOOO 3 3

i did not reallyy believe it 200+ pages ago when p said it was the last time they'd see each other...and even after he disappeared for 50pg after being grievously injured i had hope...and then the reunion caught me off guard i was so ready to believe he would live!

beautifully written MOVING scenes but i'm devastated. maybe my favorite character + i love how his relationship with n evolved

so much packed into this section (moscow burn), BEST moment was the reunion of n+a...AHH T_T what a beautiful scene x2, i was swept away!!! bummed tho bc it seems this love "triangle" isn't gonna go how i want

LT comparing his "historical science" to calculus was truly thought-provoking. but i find the conclusion that historical events have no true beginning to be dubious, advise leo to review the concept of a limit

"[napoleon], predestined by providence for the sad, unfree role of executioner of the peoples, assured himself that the goal of his actions was the good of the peoples, and that he could govern the destinies of millions and by means of power be their benefactor!" LT hates n's guts so bad and spends most of w&p devastatingly roasting him. it does make me wonder how ppl w unthinkable amts of power perceive their role

III.2.36+37 w&p at its best. tho the generals believe their commands cause the events of the battle to unfold, the reality on the field is pure chaos, horror, + lack of meaning

a's meeting w death, realizing there's still smth that compels him on earth despite his nihilism, the insane surgery scene, weeping for his archrival and realizing compassion and love is "what was still left for me, if i was to live." AUGHHH

III.2.xxviii: a q LT grapples with often: who is responsible for the course of history, in the end? "the course of world events is predestined from on high, depends on the coincidence of all the wills of the people participating in those events, and...napoleon's influence...is only external and fictitious. [n] with his great tact and experience of war calmly and worthily fulfilled his role of seeming to command."

grad school started, rip my momentum. but i no longer fear i won't finish this year, i'm rly invested+can't believe how "little" there is left

xxv: "war isn't courtesy, it's the vilest thing in the world, and we must understand that and not play at war. we must take this terrible necessity sternly and seriously. that's the whole point: to cast off the lie, and if it's war it's war, and not a game." evocative chapter

now that the war is actually on russian soil, we get to see how people react to some very specific, bizarre, and horrifying realities of war, like andrei riding around his deserted childhood home and the smolensk farmer cheering as his barn burns. + the image of the naked soldiers at the dam: "flesh, the body, chair à canon!"

death of marya's dad v affecting and i hope she can be happier now but somehow i doubt it

III.1: war sections are harder to get through, but i was engaged bc LT ramps up his criticism of war/nationalism. banger philosophical first chapter, then great vignettes: vi/vii napoleon being unhinged, xi andrei realizing all the generals are full of it, xv nikolai's "heroism", xviii church propaganda. mania of war at all levels of society

also rip pierre bezukhov u would have loved being an astrology/tarot girlie

s grew a backbone! a true friend. and so did p, the banishment had me rooting for him like never before. still find his views on women very 1d + hoping 4 no triangle

riveting drama with such REAL characters, deliciousss. and the comet end breathtaking. best pacing so far

love the russian custom of sitting with friends in silence before leaving on a journey, which k does before embarking on a literal kidnapping lmao

no NOOO natasha! most compulsively readable section of w&p so far like watching a dumpster fire in real time. enjoy how LT portrays k&h (evil siblings) by explaining their intentions—not basely evil, just incredibly careless people

truly loved the opera scene. the insane levels of pretension, everyone there to see and be seen (LT says the ladies r "bare" 1000x), all while watching an equally artificial show on stage

p544 oldenburg mention!

pierre is the least likable of the main characters to me—tiresome lack of true convictions + extreme woman hating, but his grappling w the "tangled, terrible knot of life" in II.5.i was humanizing

soo tickled by boris pretending to be emo + writing bad sad poetry to get a girl HAHA. pierre: "nowadays, in order to please moscow girls, il faut être mélancolique. et il est très mélancolique..."

whyy is everyone on r/ rooting for ***** + ******* to work out are we forgetting they r literally cousins? it's 1810 babes???

p is so awkward, bumbling, and detested in st pete high society, yet his same "absent-minded", "eccentric" nature somehow makes him adored as the kooky, benevolent uncle as soon as he returns to moscow. how? + is LT painting moscow as "the real russia" vs st pete, poisoned with western vices?

before sports cars as a measure of men's egos, there were hunting dogs

loved the siblings at uncle's; LT sets natasha up as the quintessential russian woman despite her western upbringing "in silk and velvet." russian, salt of the earth way of life vs french-style soirées full of artifice

lol from r/ayowap: "everyone should have the luxury of a buffoon living in their midst, especially while facing financial ruin."

oh NOO not ****** and ******* deciding to get married after ONE waltz girl you're HALF HIS AGE...especially uncomfy bc LT uses every chance to mention how girlish and childlike she is. can't gauge how much is normal for the era vs purposely weird

prince b has gone so quickly from complete nihilism to a quick succession of fixations which temporarily give him life that i can't help but fear this newest one won't last

"'yes, that's true, Prince; in our time,' Vera went on (mentioning our time as limited people generally like to do, supposing that they have discovered and appreciated the particularities of our time and that people's qualities change with time)..."

v interesting; reading w&p, i am struck both by how similar tolstoy's characterizations are to modern people, and by how much social norms can shift in <200 years

natasha describing her crush: "he's so narrow, like a dining-room clock...narrow, you know, grey, light grey..." ahahaha unrealistic body standards haunting men even then

love the bedtime chats between mom + daughter, my mom and i have been having some of those lately

another biting tolstoy quote: "'so you see,' berg said to his comrade, whom he called his friend only because he knew that all people had friends."