greatsetman > Recent Status Updates

1 Kings -- 19:11-13 is randomly so far some of the most interesting writing among some of the most snooze-inducing. Unrelated scenario: 2 mothers claim 1 baby; Solomon says, split the baby in half; 1 mother agrees, the other doesn't; Solomon determines the other to be the true mother. Um, duh? Also, what could 1 possibly want with half a baby? Perhaps this is an analogy? Perhaps I am an ignoramus?

2 Samuel -- David (his poems) is a much better writer than the actual writer of this book, which, despite the human vehicle, is supposedly the literal capital-W Word of capital-G God so that's interesting. Unless I skimmed over something damning with my sleepy eyes, I'd say I'm Team Absalom. "...for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us dead today, then you would be pleased." Yes, and get fucked, Joab.

1 Samuel -- I was a couple days ago years old when I learned that Ichabod and Ebenezer are biblical names. Strongest narrative arc so far. God does not appreciate when people do not kill the people he tells them to kill. David and Goliath. Saul visits a medium -- very spooky, probably my fav part. David collects 200 Philistine foreskins so that he can marry Saul's daughter. These people are obsessed with foreskin.

Ruth -- I remember this story being much more harrowing, but this was a pretty uninteresting read. Maybe I'm mixing it up with a different story -- I don't know. Very short book, like 4 chapters. Naomi's husband and sons die. Ruth sticks around with Naomi. Ruth and Boaz meet; they get married. David's genealogically on the way. The end.

Judges -- A lot of time passes. Many cycles of Israel disobeys so the Lord rejects them so Israel is oppressed so the Lord helps them so times are good so they disobey. The toxicity rings Trump, so that's interesting. Samson's in this. Finally, a concubine is given by her husband to some men to be raped to death instead of him, so then he cuts her up into 12 pieces and sends them to each tribe of Israel; thus, war. !

back on my bullshit

Joshua -- this the Lord guy... yikes! The first half of this book is very kill kill kill. The second half is a snoozefest, detailing territorial inheritances. "The New Generation Circumcised" is a pretty sick header. The plan: 1. We cut off everyone's foreskin; 2. Heal time; 3. We walk around this wall for a week blaring trumpets; 4. We scream; 5. The walls of course then fall; 6. Kill kill kill!