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2 Chronicles - This king was good, and then this king was bad, and then this king was good, and then this king was bad, and then this king was good, and then this king was bad, and so on, and so on, and also we've already gone over most of this in the preceding 5 books. Jesus Christ, it is so boring. Ostensibly, god created editors, so like might've been cool to maybe bring in some of that energy? Alas, I am not god.

1 Chronicles -- Probably the most boring book so far. It is essentially all recap. And then there is a shit ton of genealogical record. Nothing much to report other than I believe this includes the first mention of "Satan", but apparently it's up for debate whether this is referring to like the literal devil or just some other non-devilish and not-necessarily-supernatural adversarial entity.

2 Kings - Baldhead accusations result in Lord-induced she-bear mauling of 40+ children. Classic. Prophets are basically wizards, except the Lord does not approve of wizards. I used to question how Islam might reconcile Jesus' miracles while considering him but a prophet, but it seems like prophets be doing such supernatural shit all the time. 300+ pages in, I can't recall any mention of Jesus, directly or indirectly.

1 Kings -- 19:11-13 is randomly so far some of the most interesting writing among some of the most snooze-inducing. Unrelated scenario: 2 mothers claim 1 baby; Solomon says, split the baby in half; 1 mother agrees, the other doesn't; Solomon determines the other to be the true mother. Um, duh? Also, what could 1 possibly want with half a baby? Perhaps this is an analogy? Perhaps I am an ignoramus?

2 Samuel -- David (his poems) is a much better writer than the actual writer of this book, which, despite the human vehicle, is supposedly the literal capital-W Word of capital-G God so that's interesting. Unless I skimmed over something damning with my sleepy eyes, I'd say I'm Team Absalom. "...for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us dead today, then you would be pleased." Yes, and get fucked, Joab.

1 Samuel -- I was a couple days ago years old when I learned that Ichabod and Ebenezer are biblical names. Strongest narrative arc so far. God does not appreciate when people do not kill the people he tells them to kill. David and Goliath. Saul visits a medium -- very spooky, probably my fav part. David collects 200 Philistine foreskins so that he can marry Saul's daughter. These people are obsessed with foreskin.

Ruth -- I remember this story being much more harrowing, but this was a pretty uninteresting read. Maybe I'm mixing it up with a different story -- I don't know. Very short book, like 4 chapters. Naomi's husband and sons die. Ruth sticks around with Naomi. Ruth and Boaz meet; they get married. David's genealogically on the way. The end.

Judges -- A lot of time passes. Many cycles of Israel disobeys so the Lord rejects them so Israel is oppressed so the Lord helps them so times are good so they disobey. The toxicity rings Trump, so that's interesting. Samson's in this. Finally, a concubine is given by her husband to some men to be raped to death instead of him, so then he cuts her up into 12 pieces and sends them to each tribe of Israel; thus, war. !

back on my bullshit

Joshua -- this the Lord guy... yikes! The first half of this book is very kill kill kill. The second half is a snoozefest, detailing territorial inheritances. "The New Generation Circumcised" is a pretty sick header. The plan: 1. We cut off everyone's foreskin; 2. Heal time; 3. We walk around this wall for a week blaring trumpets; 4. We scream; 5. The walls of course then fall; 6. Kill kill kill!