Ryan Caplet > Recent Status Updates

It’s important along the way for you and your kids to have good coaches and good encouragers. They make a big difference in doing well. An example of this was the swimmer that was talked about the first time she had a coach who didn’t complete the swim and no one to encourage her the second time she had what she needed

It is good to have a start and finish in mind in life and do your best to prepare your kids for obstacles. I see life a lot like an ultra marathon. It keeps going and there’s a lot of unforeseen obstacles. Some you can prepare for, some you can’t.

A lot of people get the word legacy confused by legend. Legend focus a lot around when somebody does. Something great in history legacy has to do more with the character of the person and what they’re trying to bestow to the next generations.

In this chapter, it talks about the importance of blessing your child not sure if it sticks with them and motivates them. In contrast, discouraging them and cursing them, ends up, making them believe and feel worse about themselves.

To help know that we are moving in the right direction to become more spiritually mature in Christ, like we will need to be purified, submitted, prepared, self-control, trusting of God, and setting an example for others.

If you don’t really know, Jesus, then why do you need to be pure purity is preparation for God coming, think of like the 10 virgins parable.

God wants our kids to be prepared. As parents, we should know what we believe about God and know that we’re saved by his grace, and we should know our kids should understand that as well. They should also know how to seek out connection on their own to adopt the churches their own and be striving for purity.

We need to be careful about Satan’s lies and learn to become aware of what he’s always doing. He’s constantly distorting the truth, deceiving us and trying to destroy us and we need to be aware that he’s doing this. He’s also preventing us from seeing things the way God intended.

There’s a real difference between maturity and adulthood. At some point kids become adults and they need to be treated like adults, but they may not be mature, and so we need to train them to be mature. Sometimes to be truly considered an adult the maturity part is needed, but it’s not always the case in reality.

Just examined the role of family in church. So many times they try to separate generations, but really the generations need to work together and learn from each other in network with each other.

I agree there is a lot of emphasis in churches about youth ministry and children’s ministries, but they are almost like their own separate churches. I had a weird transition myself from the 20s age group to adult life in church at some point you just need to join the rest of the church, which is all ages in all maturity levels.

This past chapter was really good for thinking because it got me thinking about what happens when you don’t have older people in your life. Rights of passage are more toxic and demeaning, and discouraging similar to gang initiation.

I went through another problem chapter on adolescence and how it is this in between zone of becoming an adult and how it continues to push out further and further. Even the church and Christian universities have embraced this belief.

Age ratings can be confusing, but they can also be a good guide to the kind of content that is in stuff we see in the movies and TV. However, I do think that in general, maturity and adulthood based on age is often very confusing.

The second rite of passage deals with figuring out where the problem happen when people failed to launch whether it’s a pre-launch phase the launch phase or the post launch. It equates it to the disasters in in the space program and trying to keep all those parts strong from the start so you lose less young people

The first rite of passage is the father‘s blessing. This deals with getting a formal blessing from your father to carry on a good legacy. It also deals with accepting God as your father in letting go of your earthly father. This is important for young people and old people alike understanding a deeper identity in Christ and a blessing that can strengthen them for the rest of their lives

Joanna Faber, Adele Fabre’s daughter, made some good comments about how her mom was with her growing up and when she had kids how she was with her kids using a lot of the stuff her mom has in the book.

Never use, but as it negates the first thing you say to most kids. Acknowledge the feelings without the butt you can use the problem is or even though you know.

I just finished a chapter on how to praise a child effectively. It’s better to use descriptive language rather than just to use one simple word to describe how it is kids want to be able to praise themselves. I’m currently working on reading about putting kids in roles and how to break them out of them.

Right now, I’m learning about encouraging autonomy in children. It’s interesting realizing that some stuff we parents say while with good intentions is often discouraging to a child. Like saying something easy also kids loves living in their fantasy world. You don’t need to crush their hope and dreams.

I’ve been learning about the problem-solving process. This involves the kid and the parent discussing their needs and wants and deciding together what the best thing to do is rather than to punish the child.

Some alternatives to punishment are pointing out a way to be helpful, express strong approval (without attacking character), State the expectations, show the child how to make amends, offer a choice, take action, and allow the child to experience the consequences of their misbehavior.

A lot of the times punishment can bring up fantasies of revenge towards that parent that is punishing the kid. There are ways to teach a kid without having to punish them often times punishment doesn’t really work in the long haul.

When starting to talk about discipline, I read a little comparison between a father who is asking questions to his kid about something he did and a mother who was freaking out in anger when administering discipline. I kind of feel like the second one.

This part had questions about how to acknowledge feelings and to not necessarily agree with them. Also some cautions when acknowledging feeling to not do things that could make the situation worse for the child.

Learned about some way we don’t like being talked to Adults (and even Children) such as Denial of Feelings, Philosophical Response, Advice, Questions, Defense of Other Person, Pity, Amateur Psychoanalyst and Empathetic Response. To help with feelings, Listen with full attention, Acknowledge with a word like Oh or I see, Give feelings a name and Give them their wishes in fantasy.

This book was developed over 10 years of research and discussion with people. Someone from India actually encouraged the motivation for this book. It is designed with worksheets and to be gone through relatively slowly.