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I'm reading so slowly it's driving me insane

Richard is such a dick arghh

Even after the weeks of his relentless affection, Paul could have painted the real Julian from memory. He could use those expensive oil paints to remember the arching scar-darted line of Julian’s eyebrow, the way his mouth and the planes of his face rendered the subtle shift from expressionlessness to disdain. Paul never stopped expecting that look, no matter how long Julian withheld it.

I've been neglecting this. For no reason too, cos it's so good.. I'll finish it tomorrow.

Butches are wonderful about lending a hand. But that’s not all you’re good for. Butches have moved my world. They’ve made me feel beautiful when the world took that away from me. It’s butch love that’s sustained me.”

They don’t know how much you matter,” said Paul. “They don’t see it, you’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met and they don’t even notice, they should be . . .” His own stammering sincerity frightened him, but he forced himself to keep speaking. He had to give Julian something of himself that wasn’t needy and grasping, something that burned itself alive to exalt him.

There was no reason for Julian to take him seriously, because Paul took himself so seriously that no one else possibly could. He was an ungainly, inherently ridiculous thing, and he shouldn’t expect to be seen as anything better. He was lucky to be allowed near Julian at all. Paul’s body, briefly forgotten, had become more expansive than should have been allowed.

Paul was so devastatingly real here.

In the long, aching months of being able to agonize over every word at leisure, Paul had forgotten how this felt—the humiliating realization that he couldn’t keep pace. He was too meticulous, too literal-minded and laboriously slow, two steps behind every joke except the ones he then ruined by explaining them. There was no reason for Julian to take him seriously, because Paul took himself so seriously that no one els

It's cliché and cute. I read it every night before I sleep.

They wanted each other in the way of flesh wanting to knit itself together over a wound.

Took a two day break from this but I'm back.
Said what the helly one too many times.
I'm disturbed.. concerned.. confused but invested intrigued nonetheless.

What a lonely, dreary thing it is to know the truth. What a relief it is that now neither of us has to be alone in knowing.

He wanted to break Julian’s body open and move inside it alongside him, rib cages interlaced around a single heart.

OMG I'M OBSESSED. I'VE HAD THIS BOOK FOR SO LONG BUT I FINALLY STARTED READING IT.

Worrying,” said Paul, “means you’re afraid it’s going to happen.
Ruminating is when you know it will, if it hasn’t happened already. One is neurotic, the other is fatalistic, and fatalism is supported by evidence. It isn’t the same.”

I love Paul. I love Julian. Oh I'm so in love with them both already.

finished it at 1:48 AM
I feel like I'll have to reread it again, there's a lot I don't understand. And for that reason, I'm just not going to rate it anything.

I wish I could finish it right now but I'm so sleepy. 4:54 AM.

And don’t think that I have been exaggerating anything to you, for God’s sake, Nastenka, don’t think that, because sometimes I am overcome by moments of such anguish, such anguish … Because at those moments it begins to seem that I will never be able to begin living a real life;


felt it so hard when he said this.

I don't like it much. It's just an easy read to help me sleep at night I guess, or when I'm bored. I expected it to be like TSHOEH cos it's Hollywood wlw romance but it's just so bland. I never was a fan of modern romance though.

😭😭my poor baby can't catch a break omg. I'm so glad Leslie made a new friend in NY and she's so cool. One of my favourite characters already. I'm almost finishing it and I'm both excited and scared.