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“There was that ache again, but I had weighed it already against the weight in of the life in my hands and it had come out wanting. Don’t you see? It is worth something, it is worth something in the dark, even if no one else ever loves it but me” can’t believe a dying, stitched animal allegory for queerness is making me bawl at 10am on a saturday but here we are

so the girl helping the jocks succeed in chemistry group projects trope dates back to 1870? oh mary my girl

“GOD FORBID WE INTERFERE WITH HER INFANT’S DIET” ??? when it’s a research animal and you tell that joke to her husband whose child she had complications carrying ?? oh fuck u clarke!

“she was no longer that happy creature who, in earlier youth, wondered with me on the banks of the lake and talked with ecstasy of our future prospects.” the way this book weaves so many references and ties it back so beautifully to the core theme of an unraveling marriage will never fail to amaze me. “i loved you once, when you were not so dull.” when mary tried to play up her honeymoon?? to earn respect :(

this is the dark academia i was promised but oh my god mary give me a hug “it might have been better if I had real bruises to match those he’d left on my pride.” sweetheart he doesn’t think geology is a real science that’s bruising his ego enough..fuck you finlay clarke all my homies hate finlay clarke. if someone talked about my mom like that i’d turn into my father

hearing mary compare her younger sister-in-law to a charcoal sketch and an actress between performances when she is a researcher herself at a university is just devastating, and the “sometimes of it all” with her disability, my heart. also, don’t think i didn’t clock that “accompanying Catherine on her coming out” to the Jamesetjees oh this book is so clever

halfway through chapter 4 and the prose in this book is so lively and i love how the time period enhances the academic tone, instead of monotonous and draggy like how i usually do. “if there exists a way to respond to condolences that doesn’t feel like ripping open the stitches of a wound with one’s teeth, i have not found it yet.” also yay bonding over a fossilized tooth #girlhood

i feel so maternal towards iris reading out her email signature as war correspondent to carver, and then cut to her aiding the soldiers in the infirmary. because how on earth do you stomach hearing a doctor say “all i want is for them to have dignity in death” and asking the military if your brother is alive a chapter before? THE FUCK. i also can say that i know no one else of her “metal” (oh smitten carver)

“to be vulnerable is a strength most of us fear” oh! so i was not expecting such gospel at 4:15 on a tuesday afternoon but thank you iris. this is quite a quick read, because im already on chapter 10 a week into reading but the prose is so whimsical and helping me recover from a writing slump (booo).

not the kudo and yasuko affair arc oh the drama, shit’s goin down y’all..

personally i think yukawa is guilty because his logic with the bicycles is just too serialistic but then again physics teachers are that smart, im more now leaning towards ishigami because of his obvious crush on yazuko and pure jealousy, and being “quite capable to commit such an atrocity” according to yukawa himself

the books my book club picks are too boring so i’m reading the one i voted for anyway..so we all agree misato is a victim right?

“Out of all the possible worlds, I found this one and it’s exactly, at least from the doorway of the box, what I wanted.” this parallel with jason “leaving” in the first chapter to get ice cream?? oh i’m sad. def wasn’t expecting dani to be on the verge of death

“We perceive our environment in three dimensions, but we don’t actually live in a 3D world. 3D is static, a snapshot. We have to add a fourth dimension to begin to describe the nature of our existence. It adds a temporal one, it adds time, representing space moving through time’s arrow, best illustrated by looking up into the night sky at stars whose brilliance took 50 light years to reach our eyes.”

“we live in a state of decoherence in one reality, because we’re constantly observing our environment and collapsing our own wave function.” can also be used to describe panopticons and social media if you think about it.

“i can’t get over how entirely surreal it feels to be viewing a playback of the exact moment the nightmare that is now my life, began in this brave, new, fucked up world.”

seeing daniela slowly remember charlie is so surreal, wouldn’t she remember giving birth to him ( logically speaking, i know it’s an au) because that physical toll is unmistakable😭 yeah yeah suspend your disbelief BUT jason saying he thinks that charlie got his love for manga from his mom and her artistry, even in this universe where he isn’t supposed to exist is so sweet😭

lowkey giving your friends and neighbors vibes

lowkey giving your friends and neighbors vibes

the phrasing of concepts in this book is just so mind blowing. “an original psychic wound” to describe mathilde’s childhood trauma??

i’ve come to realize that i may be more similar to Enka in my friendships than i’d like to admit although i do think whimsy is unfortunately in my blood. absolutely no SA’ing my partner though. maybe not LOL

having “it’s bisexual lighting “ and “i call these regurgital lights “girlhood” a chapter apart is absolute genius and as a girl, 100% accurate.

“Rendering my art constantly reactive, whereas Mathilde was endlessly generative.”

“A labyrinth of iPads a visitor had to get through, only to end up at a mirror. The first and ultimate screen. The self, after all, being the thing we hope to discover or recognize in all screens.”

HOW DO YOU THINK OF THAT? BRILLIANT

as a disabled person just starting out as a writer and beginning this book , this book so far gets everything right about creating art for solace. “I made scarcity a good education” is such a devastatingly gorgeous depiction of what it means to create under any circumstance. i’ve even started writing with this audiobook on lol, it’s a great motivator.

“Half a bushel of apples to any animal who brings him to justice , a full bushel to anyone who brings him out alive.” might be the most brilliant way to frame classism, but apples grow on trees and the animals can grab them anytime, no ?? am i philosophizing too hard about farm animal unity

“The cows declared Snowball crept into their stall milked them in their sleep” hive minds!! not anatomically possible

“Do not imagine that leadership is a pleasure. On the contrary, it is a deep and heavy responsibility..Bravery is not enough. Loyalty and obedience are more important.” the way this book from 1945 can speak volumes about the current administration is horrifying: “Tactics.”

justice for muriel the goat

tried to watch the film alongside reading to digest it better and prime video suggested charlie chaplin’s “the great dictator” in the queue so that’s how this is going lol..great start!

“Such is the natural life of a pig, but no animal escapes the cruel knife in the end.”

“Americans have made a political investment in a myth of racial separateness, the idea that art forms can be either White or Black in character, when aspects of many are at least both.”

Jonathan Lee Walters described the preaxhing style of black churches as stemming from “a deep love for, and thus a deep disappointment in, a country that too often fails to affirm the self evident truth in our nation’s creed: that all people are equal and endowed by God with certain unalienable rights.”