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- but it was easier to be loving when the person was asleep. “

“ i thought about how i used to watch my mother sleep sometimes, how innocent she looked with her hands tucked under the pillow. in those moments, i saw her as a little girl, and i felt that nothing was her fault—just a chain of fears and feelings passed down from generation to generation. in those moments i thought, you can show her how to love you better by being loving to her. -

“ as a child, i’d seen a wide range of nonterminal illnesses amongst my young friends, as well as the delicious food cures their mothers provided. i’d prayed that i would contract tonsillitis (ice cream), a stomach virus (ginger ale), chicken pox (oatmeal bath), the flu (chicken noodle soup), strep throat (raw honey). but i was cursed with perfect health. “

“ i want you to eat me , i thought as i edged closer. the consuming mother, i thought as i pulled away. i want you to eat me, closer, closer. the consuming mother, further, further. “

oh my god it’s freaky and in a severe motherly issues ways ouuhhh

“ my mother persuaded me to stay thin by insulting me. Ana did it by insulting everyone but me. This absence or rejection felt like an embrace “

“ my mother was what the universe was really about. my mother the sun, my mother the rules, my mother, god herself! my mother the high priestess of food, the religion of our household: abstain, abstain, abstain! “