Phoebe > Recent Status Updates

•each time is life is shattered he gains liberty + spiritual growth but is more lonely
•despises ordinary life but sees ppl might be right to live as they do
•recurring suicide = exhaustion—>unable to reconcile with plain existence—>not following thru becomes another reason to hate himself
•humor as liberation—>seeing enormity of his own contradictions and realizing the comical nature of it

•taken internal contradictions and turned them into a rigid identity: man vs wolf
•completely different parts of identity pulling toward different things. All are real. How can they coexist?
•existential confusion of how humans are supposed to live, standing outside of it
•doesn’t recognize the other “flowers” in himself he’s reduced himself to categories
•intellectualization= becomes an obstacle

This writing is insane already. Like it’s picking at my brain. It quickly jumps into a million deep topics through dialogue within the first few pages. I’m gonna have so many notes goodness gracious.
Note to myself: fold the pages for notes don’t forget

Reminder for myself:
Take notes on pages (102-103), (71), (57), and beginning part referring to the rollercoaster

“And then my mind made its first earnest effort to comprehend what had been infused into it concerning Heaven and hell and for the first time it recoiled…” (97) Whats the difference between faith that liberates and a religion that wounds? I have SO many favorite quotes. I love how Brontë forces this gap to be viewed and the questions it evokes. The timing for me to read this could not be more perfect.

Helen represents 1 version of Christianity: forgiveness, grace, eternity as a “mighty home.” Providing dignity in the nasty world she experiences. Lowood represents the other: abuse, excusing evil in the name of “God.” Jane is learning to find a 3rd way. I love this moral center of the book and Helens character.

The writing focuses on Jane’s internal world. I really love how much it focuses on that and less on the external world around her. I really love that type of writing it really connects with me. I’m only on the 3rd chapter and I can feel the emotional turmoil Jane is experiencing.

I really like the writing of this so far. I like how extensional ideas aren’t buried in a spiral of complexity like C.S Lewis’s writing (No hate on my man Lewis though love him.) I feel like Vonnegut is standing outside of humanity, observing it and shrugging sadly at it. But the melancholic tone is hidden in humor. Really cool. Im still thinking about the chrono-synclastic infundibulum phenomenon.

Wowww this book is insanely good. It hurts to read, though. I’m uncomfortable with how much I recognize myself in Esther. It feels invasive, like reading an alternate version of my mind that never tried to heal. Some of the thought patterns, decisions, and experiences are painfully specific. This is going to be one of those books I think about for months after finishing it. I really want a happy ending for her.

I love “chrono-synclastic infundibulum.” I think about this a lot. Like the idea of multiple “rights” and how each “right” can’t recognize the other one as “truth/right”. So a place exists where people could deeply understand drastic differences in viewpoints to their core. How cool?! Im happy it doesn’t exist though. So many beautiful people and each one contains a world I can’t fully enter.

There are so many actions and thought processes that humans do that are never recognized as influenced. Zero reflection done on how deeply they’ve been soaked in evil. Like a lab-grown diamond beginning from a tiny slice of an pre-existing diamond, pressed and pressurized until it’s made into the full version of itself. Sin can grow from the smallest seed of corruption and we can ignore it so easily. Why?

So far: It shows you evil thinking out loud. He causally unravels the human soul and forces you to recognize yourself in places you didn’t expect. The writing itself is incredibly precise and he takes ideas that could feel overly academic like temptation, pride, grace, spiritual warfare, etc and turns them into something intimate. You laugh, and then a second later you realize why it’s unsettling.