Steve Stanley > Recent Status Updates

[Jesus’s] solution is the point of this whole book [Mark 8:34-35]. . . . The answer to the abusive pastor was there all the time. It is the cross of Christ. There, on display for all the world to see, was a shepherd who did not save his own life but gave it up freely for the sake of others. And anyone called to ministry must do the same.

If you are in leadership, ask the Lord to give you the humility to admit you may not see yourself as you really are. Be willing to take a long, hard look at yourself to see if you, like Eustace, have columns of smoke coming up from your nostrils. If you do, turn to Aslan and ask him to do what only can do: make you whole again. (143-44)

As you read about the need to look great, you may be reminded of a pastor you know. Fair enough. But the question here is whether it describes *you*. Would your staff and your church members describe you in this way? If so, your it’s-never-good-enough approach, left unchecked,’ could be a pathway to becoming a bully pastor. . . . Jesus’s model of leadership is the opposite of abusive.

[T]hese pastors feel the need to squash the so-called rebellion before it gets out of the gate. They tend to overplay the danger, stoking fear around ‘slander’ and ‘gossip,’ clamping down on anyone who seems to step out of line. They create a culture of silence where the church leadership can never be questioned or challenged (all under the auspices of protecting the peace and purity of the church.)

[S]ome pastors tend to catastrophize the slightest bit of disagreement or complaint in the church, thinking that even the smallest amount of dissension in the ranks will lead to revolt. Some pastors are so worried about what is being said about them that it can lead to narcissistic paranoia.

[T]here is one worry that seems to haunt certain pastors: that *someone out there will speak negatively of them, which will in turn lead to divisions and sink the entire ministry*.

[T]here is a need in every generation to recognize what areas still need growth and to call the church to change. . . . In many places, we have forgotten the biblical paradigm of humble, servant leadership and instead have attracted narcissists who abuse the very flocks they are supposed to protect. . . . The best way to stop abusive pastors is never to let them achieve positions of power in the first place. (112-13)

[This] should cause deep and sober self-reflection in anyone who is called to pastoral ministry. That a pastor’s words and actions could leave such damage should give anyone pause. Jesus gave serious warnings to anyone who might lead others spiritually astray [Luke 17:2]. And certainly, that same warning should also apply to other church leaders or elders boards who defend and prop up abusive leaders.

We begin with the most obvious effects of spiritual abuse—namely, that it wreaks havoc on the emotional state of the abused. Studies have shown that victims struggle with a number of emotions for years, maybe even for the rest of their lives.

In other words, the abusive leader is happy to offer an olive branch as long as he never had to admit any real wrongdoing.

Second, in addition to highlighting past sins, the abusive pastor might attack *the way the victims are handling the conflict*. He might weave a narrative that paints the victims as unforgiving, angry, hard-hearted, and unwilling to reconcile, while painting himself as a peacemaker who has reached out with an olive branch that has been repeatedly rejected.

In the meantime, there is one factor that can help clear up questions about whether an accuser has made a mountain out of a molehill: Has more than one accuser come forward? If multiple people have stepped forward with similar stories and claims, then their credibility goes up considerably.

This last reason is particularly noteworthy. One might even say that a church member has a moral obligation to speak up about the pastor's bad behavior to protect other church members from being harmed [cf. 2 Tim 4:15].

Indeed, victims of abuse may share their story with others for many *legitimate* reasons: to get advice on how to proceed, to get counseling and encouragement from what they'd endured, or to warn others about the pastor's behavior.

Gossip also is a serious sin that churches should address. But we must remember that not all negative reports are gossip. A person may share a negative report about someone without malicious intent.

There is a rich irony, then, when the accused pastor offers a strong countercharge of slander. If he has no evidence that the accuser is lying, *then the pastor himself may be guilty of slander*. In other words, the pastor expressing concern over unjust accusations of slander—without any evidence that the accusers have malicious intent—then they too may be guilty of slander.

Slander is not merely saying something negative about another person. Rather, it is saying something negative *while knowing it is false (or at least having no basis to think it is true*). In other words, slander involves malicious intent to harm another person's reputation by spreading lies about them (2 Sam. 10:3; 1 Kings 21:13; Prov. 6:16-19; 16:28; Ps. 50:19-20).