Jacque > Recent Status Updates

Two stories left to go. Previous one may have been one of the stupider things I’ve read. I’m still 10/10 do not read this book.

Two more short stories. Not terrible. Also not worth the book.

The Coming of Abel Behanna. Interesting but unbelievably done before. Two most worthy men fight for most unworthy woman. Banns need to be read when rich dude comes to claim his bride. Other dude lets him die. Ghosts tell the truth. Bride takes dude No. 1 Name and lives as she can. Dude No. 2 Lives on with his pact with the devil. Good. Conceivable. Unimpressed.

I’m past the novel. Past the novellas. Into the short stories. Nothing good can come from reading this. I just want to finish it but honestly everyone needs to know Bram Stoker is a piece of shit.

Finished The Lair of the White Worm. Don’t read it. You know early on who the villains are. And they kill without repercussions. They even try to kill the main characters multiple times. All the way till bad dude has built a giant electrifying kite (ie Ben Franklin) and bad chick has stolen the end of the wire and taken it home where good guy idiot 1 has placed A Lot of explosives. Some live. Some die. Stupid.

Main character married troubled woman but accidents kept them from Australia. Returning to England new best friend suggests meeting with the White Worm. The White Worm tries to kill them, twice! They survive. The White Worm offers to sell her home. They buy! And now plan to stuff this part of the country with sand and explosives. Have seen no care to the town/farmers near by. Expect boom. But don’t because idiots.

With Amazon Prime doing a Patricia Cornwell based series on Kay Scarpetta (complete with Patricia Cornwell swearing in Nicole Kidman as Kay Scarpetta) I’m trying to figure out what liken5 books of the series I’ve read and then buy the rest and spend the rest of 2026 on this series.

I haven’t updated much. These fools have spent chapters on untested science that the “White Worm” may have evolved over the millennia to a woman now haunting the region. And a lot of racism about the African man who had been taken from his home and inserted into this story. I mean, taken from his home and mad a slave.

Idiots and racism. This short story ends in 70 pages. The next 13 start in the 600s. I’m gonna make it. It’s still gonna take me a long time. Idiots and racists apparently mongoose/mongeese (don’t tell me how to spell it, I like it) are completely expendable.

I’m on the third novella. Everyone is still an idiot. And the main character keeps buying mongooses and they keep getting killed. And the story (which is amazingly simple just full of idiots) keeps letting this man adopt a mongoose each time one dies. All I know is the book is extremely racist about Africans, home chick is definitely the reincarnation of the “white worm” and mongoose (mongeese?) are expandable.

Second story done. They are all still idiots. But all the undead die. And all the living die, save one. Who lives with death, ignorance, and awful grammar forever.

Next story!

Stoker does not know the grammatical punctuation for the words “that” and “which” and if he was still alive I’d probably stab him for this, let alone the absolute idiots he lets run the story.

Not helping the case that Stoker just writes about stupid people.

What started as a hilarious tale of Jonathan, an apprentice realtor, trying to get Dracula (an undead vampire Jonathan knows nothing about) signed, sealed, delivered into a new flat in London, away from this weird and creepy Transylvania, turns to Jonathan dodging many trials and Dracula seeking revenge on his loved ones only to find Van Helsing has put together the dumbest hunting party in history. Dracula dies.

Dracula done. More stories to come.

I still have yet to see signs of intelligence from this crew of vampire hunters.