JasperKazai > Recent Status Updates

I can see this is a short'un. Haven't spent much time reading, but almost a quarter of the way through. I guess that's due to how it's a novelization of a comic? I'm actually confused about that. Not sure if they're separate or not.

I know you don't want to drag out the prologue too long. But Jerec asked Morgan Katarn only one question, which Morgan refused to answer properly, and then Jerec just decapitated him without any preamble. That seems like a pretty bad interrogation! What a waste.

Neat to see Jerec from the Jedi Knight game interact with Thrawn. I wish all of those JK characters had more material. They had the potential to be interesting, but that game was pretty thin on story for the most part.

This was the book I initially intended to start with back when I first decided to expand my SW reading project. Love me some Kyle Katarn. But then I went further back to read those shitty Han novels... not that I regret that, because I would've remained curious, but I'm glad to be past them.
ANYWAYS. Love me some Kyle Katarn. Dark Forces/Jedi Knight was one my absolute favorite video games series growing up.

Oh lmao, I was less than 1 page away from the end when I made that last update. The rest of the ebook is padded with excerpts from this dude's other shitty AI-generated novels.
Yeah, this was fucking garbage. Don't see how anyone could rate this highly. One of the reviews says 'the sex does not feel cheap.' I could not disagree more; it feels INCREDIBLY cheap. This story takes place in 2 days! That's nothing!

'My mom really likes you.' Oh, she came to that conclusion after only 2 days, huh? If this book had more substance, it wouldn't be terrible. It wouldn't be good, but it wouldn't be terrible.

Wait, Paula just said her parents almost went broke buying the farm for her. But the entire fucking premise of this story is that Greg's estranged mother owned the farm, and passed her stake onto him when she died. Those seem to contradict each other. Unless she means her parents bought her share for her. But I think it's more likely that the author simply didn't proofread this slop-generated garbage.

Greg asks about the father of Paula's children, which seems like overstepping your bounds when it hasn't even been 2 days, but whatever. She says how she never wanted to marry him because he's immature and unreliable. Ok, sure, but you let him knock you up twice?? Makes perfect fucking sense. Unfortunately, that's one of the most realistic things about this story, lmao.

The reason this all feels so empty is because it hasn't even been 2 full days. Greg arrived in the like afternoon, slept there, spent the next day, and now it's the evening of day 2. But they're all in 'love' and all over each other. This 'relationship' is meaningless. He's already skipping over conversations, it wouldn't have killed him to also briefly say time passed. It would make it slightly more believable.

The first sex scene gets interrupted by Belle coming to tell Paula that she's going home to get ready for a date. But they live at the farm, and they are currently at the farm when she says this. Greg even accidentally spotted Belle at night the previous night, indicating she definitely lives there to. So... huh? Also that's totally something that didn't need to be told in person; you could just text it.

They went from having a wine-and-cheese lunch to immediately having coffee in the next scene, which took place mere moments after the lunch. That would be a pretty odd thing to do, wouldn't it? It's almost like those two scenes were written (or should I say generated) completely separate from one another, with no consideration for one another.

Fantastic Flowers, Exotic Wines, Alex's Vineyard... some really fuckin' creative names on display here, lmao. Don't strain your imagination too hard, you might pull something. Fucking hell, this book is awful.

It mentioned 'my family' in reference to the women who are not his family, and it made me realize that this is a thinly veiled incest story. Paula is supposed to be his aunt, and Belle his cousin. But incest is illegal, you can't sell that on Amazon, so they wrote it that his mother ambiguously 'looked after' them and don't go into detail.

Greg thinks about how working on the farm is an exercise without having to pay for a gym membership. Then just a couple of paragraphs after that, he tells someone how he has a small exercise setup in his condo. So you aren't paying a gym membership in the first place! This book is filled with small, unimportant contradictions like that. Another thing that points to AI slop.

Gotta love when these books do something like 'we had a meaningful conversation' without actually showing what that conversation was. Because that would require some level of competency and skill. This book is really bad. I'd drop it here if it wasn't so short. I'm curious to see how it progresses. BECAUSE it's so short, it's going to be hilarious how things jump from 0 to 100, I'm sure.

'I hadn't planned on seeing the farm,' the protagonist thinks to himself after he literally flew across the country for the SOLE PURPOSE of seeing the farm. He spots a woman and after a few seconds of looking at her, he ascertains she has a 'genuineness' to her. That's not something you can tell after a few seconds!
I'm fairly certain this is AI slop, or at least AI-assisted. It just has that feel. But, it's short.

'You had a birth mother?' What kind of question is that? No shit. Did you think he was a test tube baby?
The thing that makes me think this might be AI is how many pointless similes there are. Like every handful of sentences there's some needlessly flowery descriptive simile. It's the kind of shit that makes it seem nicely written on the surface, but in reality you're just padding your book with useless fluff.

I'm wary that newer porn books could be AI bullshit. It's not like they were ever really well written to begin with, and now it's easier than ever to do less work. A lot of them use AI art covers, so it's not much of a leap to assume they're also using AI text. IDK if this is one, but... Protagonist complains about his job, and then a few pages later says he has enough money to never work again. That makes no sense

Time for some fuckin' trash. I've had a hankering. It's been over a year since I last read some real trash. I did read a couple of trashy novels around October, but they weren't porn books, so it's not quite the same.
Kind of just randomly picked this one when I was browsing a week or so ago. No idea what to expect.

Literally ONE day before Han and Chewie meet Luke and Obi-Wan, Boba Fett comes to tell Han that Bria is dead. Absurd. Crispin really was just a shitty fanfiction writer.
Anyways, I'M FREE! The rest of this ebook is a bunch of excerpts. What a really awkward and rushed ending to tie it to EpIV. Whatever. This book sucked ass. Glad to never have to read this author again.

I still don't get the point of Jarik. He was introduced out of nowhere, vanished for awhile, then came back, then got shoved to the side for awhile, then came back to die. Why bother? He's literally not even mentioned in a single other EU novel, so it's not like she had to set him up because of that. Is it to parallel Han's relationship with Luke? That's so dumb and unnecessary. But that can be said about a lot here.

Han recognizes the Liberator-class ship that he grew up on, which used to be named Trader's Luck. Bria explains how they bought it and renamed it the Liberator. So they named a Liberator-class vessel The Liberator. Bravo, Crispin. Truly astounding writing. No one was forcing you to be this shit, were they?

Of course she shoehorns Muuurgh and Mrrov from the first book into this story. The excuse she comes up with is that 6 Togorians had been sent to Ylesia. 6?! It's an entire fucking planet! 6 people is nothing! But she's always struggled or not even tried to grasp the scale of sci-fi societies. Like how everyone at the spaceport knew who Muuurgh and Mrrov were in the first book. That's nonsensical.

I have a lot to say about Bria, which I'll do in my review assuming I'm not a lazy piece of shit when the time comes. I am convinced that she is Crispin's self-insert. Way too much of a Mary Sue. Competent, important, and skilled out of nowhere. Still loves Han and Han still loves her, even after 10 years of no contact. All of it is fucking stupid. But Crispin is not the only SW author to do this. Hello, Corran Horn.

Two uses of the word retard in not that long of a span. I know it was fairly common back in the 90s and not considered taboo, but it's still strange because she hadn't been using anything like that at all before this.
I still contend that Jabba only now becoming the Desilijic leader is dumb. This is only like 4-5 years before RotJ. Hutts potentially live for thousands of years. He should've been leader already.

There's something funny about the fact that this book has had way more Hutt scenes than the book titled The Hutt Gambit. But that's a big issue. She sucks ass at writing Hutts. They don't come off as crime lords at all. Way too cartoonish, silly, and stupid.

I recognize the irony of how just a few pages after my last update where I complained that Crispin writes for children, she wrote a Hutt being murdered in cold blood rather graphically (at least for the typical fare of this book). I suppose I should reword it into saying that she has an immature-feeling writing style, most of the time.

Jabba offering up his tail for Han to sit on his stupid and childish. That's my main takeaway from these books, after reading Daley's trilogy. Star Wars novels were never deep, but they were written for all ages. Meaning anyone can pick it up and probably enjoy it. But Crispin's writing feels deliberately aimed at children, more than any SW novel is (excepting the ones labeled as such). It's so dumbed down and silly.

Back to this garbage for the final time. They return to find out Chewie's wife had a child... presumably Chewie's. They didn't even know she was pregnant. Fucking absurd. It also makes the fact that Chewie was trying to score with two college girls at the beginning of Daley's 3rd book even worse. Which is not Daley's fault of course, but Crispin's. She knew what was in those books when she wrote this. What the fuck.