Lisa > Recent Status Updates

Favored parents “believe that their children like them better than the rejected parent because of their (self-perceived) exquisite attunement to them and ability to listen to and react to their children’s needs, which they see as contrasting sharply with the rejected parent’s inability to understand those needs.” They also have no internal motivation to change their behavior - need court ordered consequences

The introduction establishes patterns common with favored parents: self-preoccupation, emotional dysregulation, high level of mistrust, manipulativeness, parentification of and enmeshment with child, lack of stable relationships, and they “show pervasive denial of any involvement in their children’s rejection of the other parent” despite having “engaged in various strategies to assure their dominance”

I wish that our circle of family and friends would read this book, as it lays out clearly how the manipulation and abuse is perpetrated. And I’d like to ask our legal and therapeutic teams why they don’t take the strong stance to revert the abuse that is recommended in this book - they all privately acknowledge the abuse that led to the current state, but are unwilling to call it out for fear of exacerbating it.

This book got me at the back cover with its reference to therapeutic approaches that say “you have to listen to your [child] without . . . telling them what they are saying is not true. It is their reality!”. Let’s call this what it is - complicity in and enabling of emotional abuse and manipulation. After experiencing such approaches, I am hopeful this book will provide a refreshing counterpoint.

This book doesn’t mince words, and presents a vast collection of psychological studies and academic literature that demonstrate that every high conflict custody situation can be traced back to a narcissistic parent - “controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of their children’s needs”. The child’s enmeshment with the NP and rejection of the other parent proves the abuse.

Very useful so far, as this book details evidence-based approaches that can be implemented to combat alienation/abuse, ideally by way of agreement, but with resources and citations that will be helpful if litigation is unavoidable, with steps that can be presented as a roadmap for a court-ordered solution that is both proportionately intensive and palatable for the manipulated child.

What a fun read - I am very eager to find out what the heck is going on!