Chanelle Willard > Recent Status Updates

Sarah finally had enough and shouted, "Yes I'm a whore. I have a dick in my hand and a dick in my mouth right now and I have one in my ass and then I'm holding one now in my armpit to keep it warm..."

I knew Vivaldo was full of shit! But, now, Eric. I love.
“But he crossed the street and started walking towards his apartment. It was the safest place to be, it was the only place to be. Strange people- they seemed strange to him now, but, one day, again, he might be one of them— passed him with that ineffable, sidelong, desperate look; but he kept his eyes on the pavement. Not yet, not you. Not yet. Not yet.”

I knew Vivaldo was full of shit! But, now, Eric. I love.
“But he crossed the street and started walking towards his apartment. It was the safest place to be, it was the only place to be. Strange people- they seemed strange to him now, but, one day, again, he might be one of them— passed him with that ineffable, sidelong, desperate look; but he kept his eyes on the pavement. Not yet, not you. Not yet. Not yet.”

Sometimes I wish Vivaldo would just shut the fuck up

“Don’t mind me, I know you’re the only friend I’ve got left in the world, Vivaldo.”
And that’s why you hate me, Vivaldo thought, feeling still and helpless and sad.

James Baldwin is so poignant sometimes, like this book has shook me to my core, but this line had me cackling:

He walked in without knocking. Rufus was standing near the door, holding a knife.
“Is that for me or for you? Or were you planning to cut yourself a hunk of salami?”

“You can say that- and in such a tone!” She mimicked him: “something women have dreamed up. But I can’t say that- what men have ‘dreamed up’ is all there is, the world they’ve dreamed up is the world.”

“- here he was. She did not regret it for herself and yet she began to wonder if there were not something in it to be regretted, something she had done to Richard which Richard did not see.”
The writing is so good, that I wish I had my own copy to write and mark up in

“-believed many things, because of Richard, which she was not sure she really believed. He had been absolutely necessary to her- or so she had believed; it came to the same thing- and so she had attached herself to him and her life had taken shape around him. She did not regret this for herself. I want him something in her said, years ago. And she had bound him to her; he had been her salvation; and here-

“She thought of his face as it had been when they met; and watched it now. She thought of all they had discovered together and meant to eachother, and of how many small lies had gone into the making of their one, particular truth: this love, which bound them to one another. She had said no, many times to many things because of Richard-

“They were not cursing something they longed for and feared, they were joking about something they longed for and loved.”

“When you’re older you’ll see, I think, that we all commit our crimes. The thing is not to lie about them- to try to understand what you have done, why you have done it. That way, you can begin to forgive yourself. That’s very important. If you don’t forgive yourself you’ll never be able to forgive anybody else and you’ll go on committing the same crimes forever. “

Someone commented “u crazy for this one ottessa” in the lapvona review thread I’m cackling

“His own loneliness, magnified so many million times, made the night air colder. He remembered to what excesses, into what traps and nightmares, his loneliness had driven him; and he wondered where such a violent emptiness might drive an entire city.”

“Now he began to wonder if anyone could ever put down roots in this rock; or rather, he began to be aware of the shapes acquired by those who had. He began to wonder about his own shape.”

“He had never been afraid of policemen before; he had merely despised them. But now he felt the impersonality of the uniform, the emptiness of the streets. He felt what the policeman might say and do if he had been Rufus, walking here with his arm around Leona.”

“So you been all up and down that street, too.” He said.
“We’ve all been up the same streets. There aren’t a hell of a lot of streets. Only, we’ve been taught to lie so much about so many things, that we hardly ever know where we are.”

"His brain warns him that there are words that cover up the world." oooh i like that

What a funny pairing to Under the skin. Read that recently. I didn't realize how many books work under the niche of cannibalistic societies. But I guess in under the skin they weren't cannibals? they were animal aliens eating humans?? ahhhhhh might be too much human butchering material for me. I may have read this too soon. Ugh. Body horror makes me queasy, I know that's sort of the point as well, it's just rough

Parable of the sower is the coming of age fiction I've always wanted. It is so bleak, but the hope she finds in the people left to fend for themselves in the west coast apocalyptical wasteland is so beautiful. I will treasure this fiction always.