inhonoredglory > Recent Status Updates

my guys I am ONE episode in & it's already tearing my heart to shreds. Jon is SO unloved it hurts me physically. 122 is foreshadowing such awful things abt how people treat others they consider inhuman, & how they could treat themselves if faced w that. So good to feel elated in agony again; that s4 trailer oh my GOD. I drew jon again & felt that wonderful old feeling of just being in touch w him. I love him so.

Jumped thru the finale on Dec 15 as they fought AGAIN. absolutely RUINED by 117 & 120 & THE S4 TRAILER???! which I heard while alone for the last time, listening to Q&As. actual YELLING abt martin begging jon to come back. and just.. jon in constant nightmares goD. fighting so hard to be human but forced to be a monster. SO many art ideas, tim & jon, nikola dancing?! and drawing jon in agony. jon my beloved...

Finished wR on Dec 6!! But our wonderful taco bell listening times ruined by me crashing the car on a rainy lunch :( Last night felt better just doing tma stuff, after the big fight, we read Vivere, watched s2 finale animatics, & 101!! she was sooo on board with the feels, which felt soo nice. poor jon waa (she asked, is he naked? bRO :))) ALSO watched Dog in the Archives she LURVED. she GETS the elias love too hehe

Found out abt Rusty Fears 7 on Dec1 jaunting thru Patreon on a whim. SCREAM!!! AAAA my stupid dreams of going pro in my fandom. Yesterday D was so fkn angry, controlled by M, inheritance drama. I just couldn't & stormed off. Hid in bed & listened to 116, 117 (finished in bed at 1). Catharsis, clutching my Jon pillow, wanting to get back at Elias by dying (I feel u jon) RUINED by jon hurting himself to help Gerry. GOD

finally let go of R being w/me in tma, dont want to lose more of that oct feeling :( so listened up to 111 while drawing. SOO much omg: tonight, Gerry my lil goth, he just wanted to be free. got choked up a lil. but PREV omg got swept up in elias/lukas good lord the VAs bless, ALSO that "read it slowly" elias/jon??? GNAWING GLASS. and ACE JON HUZZAH! getting the feels(tm) for jon again, and all his little angsts :]

Finally did 100-102 today at home alone, omGGG. 99 I heard earlier and his tiny "oh god" had me in its grips, paused catching up w/R. kicking my feet the last few days, THEN 100 hit me w/ the humor LOLed by myself sooo fun. 101 FUCKK I was riveted in angst. resigned to being killed CRIES, but also MOISTURIZE ME had me LOLing omg. 102 Elias v Jon & "dont speak french" HIT ME. so nice to be audible while listening :)

Had the big trip, exhausted. BUT HEXCORE NIGHTS OMG. Read hoards of TMA fic on the road, got consumed by 18 chaps of noncon jon/elias O.O, then that decapitation fic got under my SKIN gOD. Buzzed out to a thought of elias taking advantage of that whole "can't do violence" on him waaa. Drew more feels (throat slitting scene(!!!) and michael stabbing jon). Listened to 50 & 51 at taco bell today :)) R amused by tim hehe

Finished s1 in the car at taco bell/hotel parking against trees SUCH a setting, just us like the start, full circle SOBBING. A Tues at lunch just like the gang in 39! I wore my tma shirt too :)) So happy, not thinking abt my woes, R enthralled by all the action & screaming! aaa so special. Earlier so much fun w/ anatomy students (the frUiT took me out), Hive poetry, scathing Killing Floor, tall blonde n monster ;)

waa pumping brakes so R can catch up (double sword; on 29! talkin why ppl love michael) I've been drugged by the jon art I made 4 dys ago. NEVER was my art actual cocaine OMG & playing leitner pop hit CONSTANTLY, what a feeling!! actual kicking my feet. momentous to hear a new ep, jon opening up to georgie & JUST TODAY finally moving forward (96-98). jon AGAIN choked & so much martin, tim, melanie, elias feels omgg

Re-started this season cuz I'm trying to let R catch up ssdsifghdf I've been nothing but a shell of 91 for 2 days HOLY FUCK O.O Falling endlessly & then getting his throat slit all in the same night. My poor lil bean! 40-min whump YT compilation much? :))) And today, 92 FUUUUUCK. forced to confide in that bastard Elias: "am I still human" yes u are jon bbgirl (pls ace rep needs u human lmao). daisy/basira sesbians oo

going thru it wR!!! sooo cool to theorize & talk shop on the stories. dropping hints of angsts to come aaa. had an amazing talk abt where we are fandom-wise after work on thrs, & analyzing my trauma chars like wolvie, alec, & now jon, cuz I need to feel smt T.T drinking off 91 since oct9. AND THE POOR PRIEST T,T she LOVED the sky one cuz nature/novelty. & we goin to Rams/LV apparently cuz hexcore nights is a go wtf!

Such a shitty day yesterday, spinning my wheels on this story. I'm ruining my brain I know, ugh the things I like & want to do destroy me T.T Couldn't listen to much but stared at the previews of 3rdChildFilms against sad tma songs getting feels. At night in bed listened w/R to vampire hunter and lucid dream eps, soo atmospheric & we talked story after! which was so fun.

Love s2 finale's desc of the entities by Leitner, SO very lovecraft, something beyond our comprehension. So overwhelmed/tired of all my deadlines, falling into this hard, listened at work, eating up Jon's shivering voice, Martin's breakdown of concern. The lore! Jon's traumatized, lonely childhood, the warning of being unable to avoid his fate O.O I have a feeling Jon's gonna sacrifice himself when he turns aaaa

Listened w/R in our tent at night, on the tradition of TMA in awesome eerie settings. Love Mary Kaey’s unapologetic sadism. But that finale?? The sheer whole-body-triggering whump of it all? What the actual fuck. Coming on the heels of my pouring over that animatic of 101. BOY. Jon's fear is so terrifyingly gut-wrenching. And the numbness of finding Leitner. POOR JON. And Martin's loyalty! Must save his bf!!

Watched the First Time Listener update up to this ep (62) & been repeating earlier eps at work just cuz. Then while R&I ate at Taco Bell after work b4 they came back, we listened to the first 2 eps!! She loved them aaa. So special listening to spooky stories in the car w/ her. The angler fish, coffins with scratching noises, while the day slipped into night, against the theme's mournful viola. wheee.

Repeating that ending jonmartin from Children of the Night sgfgfdfg Jon's frustration & paranoia disarmed by Martin's sweetness aaaa. Mary Keay statement in First Edition to Gertrude was SOO perfectly chilling. Things comin together now, the box, tree, Hill Top Rd house, ppl & spider eggs, Alexandria library. J's paranoia is so feelsy, Martin trying to get him to therapy & thinking J harmed himself with the knife T.T

Finally gotten into the lore enough to recognize names! And be super amused by the antics from bicon Tim (thinking Jon & Basira are together lmaoo) & suspicious Jon stalking everyone & Martin taking care of him sfjgdfg but he's so traumatized he's sus abt it. LOVE Tightrope 'a mouth can't function if it's not on ur face' like dang that is BANGER. Butcher's Window braiding the guy's ribs before he died. Amazing.

These are actually really fun and the last eps started getting plotty with the archive gang in hiding against Jane Prentiss (and jon whump! skjfgd, also martin taking care of him aww). My faaave is the Prentiss confession, the atmosphere and stream of consciousness is exactly how I want/love to write. Students ep was also adorable and unsettling in a great, patient sort of way, great for suspense.

Started on a whim while drawing. Usually I need music but this time the low energy was good. Nice to see this famous tumblr fandom & ace ship! :))) Eldritch is def my fave kind of horror. Only the priest's story got me cuz the faith aspect just made me really sad for him T.T Cave one coulda got me if it wasn't for the sisters & reading that Amigara Fault manga yrs ago O.O Love the vibes, Jon's voice, Piecemeal VAing!

Disgusted by how science can’t be trusted when it’s rotted thru w/ patriarchy: when the DSM was updated in the 80s, the author saw the psych board try to formally label women the problem in abusive relationships despite evidence to the contrary (like in Freud's day) Also THIS BOOK INTRO'D CPTSD WTF?! CRYING. "Third person in the room" abuse feeling yeah. And "Integrity is affirming value of life in face of death" ❤

Prompted to continue this bcuz of a fic (jv this time), and once again finding bits that feel too real. The hypervigilance and awareness to an abuser's feelings, so you can placate them, defending them, the ease of contradictory compartmentalization. (Read 3 chapters on audiobook while drawing jv pieta & 1 while cutting jayvik stickers for my mac 2 days ago.)

Bought this at The Cave on Nov 5, Election Day, 2024. What I feared is coming true, and this wave of fascism is sweeping the world. We're about to elect a queerphobic, racist, misogynistic impeached criminal and 6 million people don't give a fuck about it. Bro culture won. Hell is empty and the devils are all here.

Started this again wR last night cuz we got the hardback (from the UK!). In the midst of this depression, it hit me again. Cried so hard w/ the art of Ten meeting her for the first time, as she longs to Be Something in the midst of her empty life, remembering his words & clinging to them. Expecting better of urself, and wanting to prove everyone wrong who think ur nothing, and yet letting urself down. god, that hit.

Finally read this bcuz of my 10 fic & so much I felt in me or feels true from my experience. How ppl w/ compassion & high moral self-expectations were prone to depression post-trauma vs others to anger. How those who previously felt an ability to control their own destiny were able to weather trauma better than those w/out. Or the contradictory nature of trauma. I knew so much intuitively, but reading it is profound.

Profound. So many poignant insights, like how strong emotion can physically block pain thru the release of morphine-like substances. How trauma decreases activity in the brain's left, while increasing the right, closing off language/logic & heightening the reliving of sensory events. Also why simply talk therapy or Knowing the Truth doesnt always work, cuz the left side isn't always in change when trauma is concerned

Ohh you knew it had to happen. Can't expect even Steve Cole to get the nuances of Ten going dark (only fanfic can convey the emotional depth that needs), but hey we get him in Gallifreyan garb & totally God-coding himself w/ "The grass withers, the flower fades but the word of the Time Lord Victorious endures forever!" I aint seeing that old ass verse on my wall the same way again. u just been DOCTAHFIED hell yeah!

"She'd seen smt in him, a sadness & a sweetness, smt to be trusted. A look that said, I'll risk everything for you, whoever you are, & I won't ask for anything in return." Im inconsolable, MY LOVE MY 10. To hear it put so simply, my GOD. Then: "There are some days–dark, boil-a-sun-to-nothing days, when u wonder if the pain is worth keeping going." Suicidal & selfless, that's my 10. You can't have one w/out the other.

Finished this Dec3, but didnt get to writing a review til now. Felt a lot MORE 2nd time reading than in 2019. Rose actually accidentally killing a guy, Ten leading a slave revolt in the Colosseum & lambasting the selfishness of humanity, and nearly kissing Gracilis(!) and actually kissing Rose (!!). Apparently it's the first 10 novel ever made(!!!). Fanfic straight thru. Carving Rose's bum and them loling abt it. OMG

OK first Ten is tackled n straddled by Brian the Ood and semi-poisoned to keep from going out of his mind. THEN he's taken by the Kotturuh to be, as Brian put it, 'repurposed, laid waste, & shattered.' WTF?!! *screaming in whump* Speaking their words from their DNA in his throat. Also the Nine/Rose interlude and the lil 'she was beautiful, probably' Classic Who asexual ref tehehe.

"I could kiss you." Heh the bantering closeness of Ten and Sugar reaches its predestined and yet typically unresolved asexual end (lol). I'm not too crazy on Sugar (the dumb blonde vibe is too ew). I LOVE how Ten hears the creatures say his own real name and he wonders how many creatures in the universe know it. And traveling to distract himself (we know what from *cryyy*)