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“‘The way you love and support me makes it so much easier to face the rest of the world.’”

“Love meant showing up for people, fighting for them, pouring out her resources and skills and time—but it also meant sharing a leisurely dinner on a perfect summer night, with the person whose company she enjoyed more than anyone else’s in the world.”

“‘Do not dissect your feelings, little one, for they are better left intact and unspoiled. Let them hold their mystery. Enjoy them for what they give, and do not look for answers to questions that change nothing.’”

“‘There is freedom and joy to be found in surrendering to the delights of sensation.’”

“‘My dear child, there are more pleasures in life beyond the sharing of one's body.’ Her eyes slid lingeringly over Dae. ‘It is a great pleasure for me simply to look upon the radiance of your form, even if you will not permit me to sample your delights more intimately.’”

“‘Such a pretty flower,’ she whispered, running her fingers over the girl's body as much to check for other injuries as to simply admire her perfection. She smiled, finding no whip marks or excessive bruising, and again brushed the tangled mass of pale hair away from the girl's face. ‘Have no fear. I will not allow the sun to wilt your petals.’”

“She tried to come up with an answer to no avail.
Maybe she did not want anything at all. She had never learned how to want; she had simply ex-isted, until then. Her life was just a series of rou-tines. At best, she could imagine what she did not want: dying, losing her job, starving, suffering. She did not want inconveniences. She did not want changes. She did not want.”

“her looking at me, seeing me, like this. I feel like an invisible woman, finally given shape and color and recognized at last, and it's the rest of the world's turn to be forgotten.

Her eyes fix upon me like I'm the one thing that matters, and I'm hers.”

“I haven't told Laine I've never been in a real relationship before. It makes me feel defective, like I'm missing parts, and that's why I keep getting returned to the store. How would I know what love is, and whether this growing tide of feelings Laine draws from me is the same thing?”

“I haven't told Laine I've never been in a real relationship before. It makes me feel defective, like I'm missing parts, and that's why I keep getting returned to the store. How would I know what love is, and whether this growing tide of feelings Laine draws from me is the same thing?”

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was until someone decided to feed me. And even though it’s scary, knowing that any meal may be my last…how am I supposed to walk away now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be full?”

“Mom once told me that anything worth doing in this life is worth failing at. Not every idea is a winner, but they don't all have to be, either.
They just have to exist.”

“‘So many people go, their whole lives without ever taking a chance on themselves. Too afraid to speak up, or stick their necks out, or God forbid, be seen trying to do something. To them, being embarrassed or disliked is scarier than never being anything at all. That’s losing to me. So you tried something and it didn’t work out. That doesn’t make you a loser. It makes you brave.’”

“She once told me there are a million kinds of love, but you only need a few to get by. I hold that close on my lonelier days.”

“All day long you’re told what and when and how, and the cost of defiance, too. And you hear the echoes of ancestors, whispering that though the best chance of survival may be submission, that could also be the death of you. And love…affection…touch… the stuff that makes your heart keep beating? Contraband. Now who, I ask, can keep alive that way?”

my goodness 😵‍💫

“A woman’s face is never just a thing in itself. It is always slippery with metaphor. A lake of meaning to stare into, a surface to observe your fears, jealousies, and desires.”

“‘Tell me a story.’
‘What’s the point? […] What do you get out of it?’
‘What do you mean, “get out of it”? I get to know you. That’s the reward. I get to know.’”

“I had no idea if she knew she was an object of silent obsession for me, though I suspected she did. We were too stiff, too alert, too aware of each other […] We were like rival outlaws on opposite sides of a saloon. Above the surface, we pretended to be cool. Under the table, our guns were ready.”

“If I give in to the impulse, the need to be seen, understood by another, then I do not know what howling wave of past pain may capsize me.”

chapter 40 brought a tear to my eye

oh wow 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i cannot put this down

“Was this stab in my heart, this rapture, really mine or had I merely read about it?”

listening to the audiobook even though i never listen to audiobooks because i miss them so bad

honk shoo

last christmas book for the year 🙏

“More than anything, she wished she had the power to hurt him in a way that mattered.”