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Second: Know Thoroughly What You Are Going to Talk About

standing before an audience and making men think your thoughts after you.It will give you a sense of strength, a feeling of power. It will appeal to your pride of personal accomplishment. It will set you off from and raise you above your fellow men.There is magic in it and a never-to-be-forgotten thrill.

Anyone can develop his own latent capacity if he has sufficient desire to do so.

"In order to win over I clothed my face in the gentle beguiling smile"

"People talk of "social outcasts". The words apparently denote the miserable losers of the world, the vicious ones, but I feel as though I have been a "social outcast" from the moment I was born."

IV, PRINCIPLE 9 - Make the other person happy to do what you want

1. Don't promise anything you cannot deliver.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other to do.
3. Be empathetic.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that'll convey to the idea that he personally will benefit.

If you want to help others to improve, remember . . .
PRINCIPLE 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve.

If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behavior of others, use . . .
PRINCIPLE 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

“Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.” But give him a good name - and see what happens! "

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.

Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation? Let us praise even the slightest improvement.

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 5 - Let the other person save face

How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride.

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders


A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.

People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

"Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior."

"It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable."

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 2 - Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Simply changing one three-letter (but to and) word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

PART IV, PRINCIPLE 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

III, PRINCIPLE 12 - Throw down a challenge

The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it, was motivated to do a good job.

What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome those fears?

“All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory

PART III, PRINCIPLE 11 - Dramatize your ideas

Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.

I was presenting the same facts this time that I had presented previously. But this time I was using dramatization, showmanship - and what a difference it made.

PART III, PRINCIPLE 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives.

"a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one."

"Nothing will work in all cases - and nothing will work with all people. If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?"

PART III, PRINCIPLE 9 - Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

You deserve very little credit for being what you are - and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them.

PART III, PRINCIPLE 8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

"Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that."

"Seeing things through another person’s eyes may ease tensions when personal problems become overwhelming."

PART III, PRINCIPLE 7 - let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers

Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it bad judgment to try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people? Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions - and let the other person think out the conclusion?

PART III, PRINCIPLE 6 - let the other person do a great deal of the talking

Let the others talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. Ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression.

PART III, PRINCIPLE 5 - get the other person saying "yes" immediately

In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ.
Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree.
Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.

PART III, PRINCIPLE 4 - begin in a friendly way

people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t he forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly.

If your temper is aroused and you tell ‘em a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other person? Will your attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you?

PART III, PRINCIPLE 3 - if you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

There's a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.

Any fool can try to defend his mistakes, but raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.

PART III, PRINCIPLE 2 - show respect for the other person's opinions, never say "you're wrong"

If you can be sure of being right only 55% of the time, you can go down to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day. If you can’t be sure of being right even 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they're wrong?