Belz > Recent Status Updates

imagination is like an indulgence. it's the unimagined memories with the death of a loved one that makes grief last.

trying to read this on public transit was a horrible idea

lesson 35 maybe?

this book feels like it has its own heartbeat and growl, holding all the contradictions about identity and individuality through sex, class, race, culture, and art

"I realized that this was the first time in my life that I had felt able to really touch my father’s body. I was holding hard to it—with my love—and with my grief. "

"i have had women, i have fought with men; and never was i able to turn back, and more than a record can be reversed. and all that led me--- where?"

this book is for the girls who tend to make their lives harder for themselves. the poetically expressed inner thoughts wrapped around the exploration of the color blue

cool girl who does nothing

unpenetrable unless decidedly otherwise

unpenetrable unless decidedly otherwise

to be admirably in control of a lifestyle that allows me to lose control

to be admirably in control of the lifestyle that allows me to lose control

sharp and hedonistic

weak ties: bring something specific to the table. make yourself interesting. don't worry too much about not knowing them or wondering why they would help you in the first place.

-identity capital: underemployment is worse than unemployment. you cant think your way out of life. you gotta take little steps to broaden your human capital. that's what leads you from one step to the next.

"[black men] see their own behavior [of engaging in inter-racial relationships] as acceptable bc white women= victims, while white men=oppressors". seeing white women as innocent and non-racist is another reflection of sexist idealization of women

they say nothing lasts forever but they're just scared it will last longer than they can love it

beauty demands replication

remembering a memory from childhood: my mother trying to communicate in english and being misunderstood. i felt embarrassed at the lengths she goes to explain herself. she looks to me, hoping that i could bridge the gap. that's what i represent right? some amalgam of both cultures. and i didn't know how to describe it in english, or know how to ask for it, it was a true feeling of failure. all the words felt wrong.

Asian immigrant part really made me feel sympathetic. kinda sad in a way. feigning americanness, longing to be home, never fully assimilating. its gotta be so difficult being first generation immigrants and yet that's spoken about so little

it's finally picking up!!

"She was only trying to prove something, trying pointlessly to defy and overcome her fears—instead of just learning to live with them, since, hell, you were living with them anyway."

-curious about ny
-where polan was and what he saw instead of putting the attention on himself
-every popcorn in the bag

If l quit this task. will it increase my ability to get through
the Dip on something more important?
If I'm going to quit anyway, is there something dramatic I
can do instead that might change the game?
Is my persistence going to pay off in the long run?