Lauren > Recent Status Updates

Over half way done, still confused.

“How what happened with my mother left me shattered—riddled with sorrow, regret, & so many questions about the ways of this life...How upset with myself I am that I never truly mourned... & I feel guilty. I feel so gods-damn guilty. It lingers in the hollow spaces where happiness once resided. A happiness stolen along with my mother; with the pieces of a girl who never truly got to learn who she could be.” 😭

“But I do not wish to feel. It terrifies me. Because what is a person if not their feelings, & then what am I if all my feelings are outlined by sadness? By guilt & regret. By Pain. So much pain. Ignorance is bliss, & I’ve been willing to turn a blind eye because it allows me to live under the illusion that I’m okay. But…
I’m not okay.
& I haven’t been for quite some time.”

I feel personally attacked

Chapter 35 literally has me kicking my feet and giggling. Imagine the banter during Xaden and Violet’s sparring sessions. It’s that good.