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'she wondered whether there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him; didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his voice and his hands and his love. she had never dreamed of what it would feel like to love someone so much; of all the things that had astonished her in her adventures, that was what astonished her the most.'

honestly it's like being repeatedly and mercilessly stabbed with a sharp blade

"we'll cling together so tight that nothing and no one'll ever tear us apart. every atom of me and every atom of you... we'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams... and when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won't just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."

oh god... GOD!

'"d'you think i could bear that, lyra?" he said. "d'you think i could live happily watching you get sick and ill and fade away and then die, while i was getting stronger and more grown-up day by day? ten years... that's nothing. it'd pass in a flash. we'd be in our twenties. it's not that far ahead. think of that, lyra, you and me grown up, just preparing to do all the things we want to do -- and then..."'

😭

pain

'she paused and looked back so that he saw the expression on her face, and he could not understand how anyone so steeped in evil could look so radiant with hope and happiness.'

'"but he loved my mother," said will. "and i can tell her that he was never unfaithful."
lyra, looking at will, thought that if he fell in love, he would be like that.'

not to be dramatic but i am dying over here

'the road was more like a watercourse than a highway, because in places it broadened into wide areas like small lakes, and at others it split into narrow channels only to combine again unpredictably. it was quite unlike the brutal rational way roads in will's world sliced through hillsides and leapt across valleys on bridges of concrete. this was part of the landscape, not an imposition on it.'

he said: fuck the m1

'now it was like looking at the sun through smoked glass, and her eyes could see him more clearly, though she still pretended to be dazzled by his face. he was exactly like a man in early middle age,'

this is so funny to me. "that's just a man" writ large

seeing that this means they can't be together while they haven't realised it yet....... agony and despair

'he turned and gave her a true smile, so warm and happy she felt something stumble and falter inside her; at least, it felt like that, but without pantalaimon she couldn't ask herself what it meant. it might have been a new way for her heart to beat.'

[hermes from hadestown voice] once upon a time there was a railroad line

'she also felt a strange flattery: the idea of herself as swift and darting and bird-like was new and pleasant, because she had always thought of herself as dogged and plodding.'

this revelation and new understanding of herself, and how it ties into her ending...... so good, so satisfying

"he outfaced me. i thought no one could ever do that, but this half-grown boy was too daring for me, and too clever. i am not happy that you should do what you plan, but there is no one i would trust to go with you, except that boy. you are worthy of each other."

'how lucky will was that she was awake now to look after him! he was truly fearless, and she admired that beyond measure, but he wasn't good at lying and betraying and cheating, which all came to her as naturally as breathing. when she thought of that she felt warm and virtuous, because she did it for will, never for herself.'

the room where it happens time 💖 best song best song best song

"the fabled birth of minerva from the brain of jove was hardly more sudden or more perfect than the financial system of the united states as it burst forth from the conception of alexander hamilton."

this is soooooo dramatic

'"there is one bear i've heard of who's trustworthy. he is the king of the bears, a good friend of the girl i'm going to the mountains to find. her name is lyra silvertongue. the bear is called iorek byrnison."
"i am iorek byrnison," said the bear.
"i know you are," said will.'

I LOVE THESE TWO SOOOOO MUCH. the scene where will cuts up his helmet makes my heart go BOOM BOOM BOOM

"because he's will."

WAHHHHHHHHHHH 😭

'for security reasons, beckwith assigned hamilton the code number "7" in reporting their talks back to london -- a precaution that later led to preposterous charges that hamilton was a british agent.'

call me hamilton. alexander hamilton.

i've always wondered about the "creator of the coast guard" line in the musical, finally i have an answer

'"and that woman?" said roger. "i hope she en't dead. i hope she stays alive as long as ever she can. because if she comes down here, then there'll be nowhere to hide, she'll have us for ever then. that's the only good thing i can see about being dead, that she en't. except i know she will be one day..."'

final short story when i get home from work!! this has been an interesting read

'balthamos stood up eagerly. the next moment, the two angels were embracing, and will, gazing into the flames, saw their mutual affection. more than affection: they loved each other with a passion.'

I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOUR, AND THE AGONY IS SO GREAT

sometimes i think i've recovered from hamilton playing nonstop ([my voice cracks] see what i did there?) in my head, then i get chance to read another 1% of this biography and i'm right back where i started

scars reminded me of frankenstein

'he thought of how he'd smashed his steel chains against the walls of the cave just to see a single spark. had some giant trapped inside the cave of the night sky struck their chains against some unimaginably large wall to create the stars? had they done it as a cry for help? or to endure, somehow, the emptiness and darkness?'

'"do you think i need anything else?"
"you could do with some sense," came the reply. "some faculty to enable you to recognise wisdom and incline you to respect and obey it."'

i love you balthamos ♥️ i would ask why pullman hasn't written a novella about him and baruch, but maybe it's for the best

time to read the amber spyglass!!!!

snare was so disturbing but so good