Ask the Author: Sarah Westbrook
Answered Questions (7)
Sarah Westbrook
I look up from my seat on my velvety couch at the sound of someone pounding on my front door. I see my father shifting his weight from foot to foot through the distorted glass, a copy of my book Trauma Bonded clutched in his hand.
Sarah Westbrook
Ideas come to me while I'm driving, and I love road tripping! My brain will just start running through a story. When it resonates in my soul, I start talking into my iPhone ,using a voice recording app, to capture the essence of my idea. Then, I take scheduled time every week to listen to my recordings and put my words on paper. I HATE transcribing services, so I don't use them, but I listen to what I've said, and allow my words to fill the pages as quickly as I can type.
Sarah Westbrook
Trauma Bonded is my life story. I knew I wanted to write my memoir about fifteen years prior to actually doing it. In fact, I wrote an entire shitty book ABOUT the book several years ago. I wanted to feel like my relationship with my family of origin was safe first. Unfortunately, that never happened and I had to cut almost all communication with my family.
Once my father discovered I was going to publish my memoir/self-help, his efforts to destroy my credibility and character intensified. I was uninvited from a family wedding due to his emotional manipulation and bullying of my sister (portrayed as Charlie in the book). He tried to force my Mom to keep my Grandpa T’s failing health a secret, and he’s called several “family meetings” to warn my aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins that I am an emotionally unstable liar, and to reassure them all that he is not a violent man. His narcissism is classic, his gaslighting skills epic.
I had to get to an emotional place where I was no longer controlled by fear of what my father would do. He has said many times that I am the reason he has felt suicidal off and on throughout his life and that if he ever completed suicide, it would be my fault. I now know, without any doubt that he is responsible for his own wellbeing, and that if he takes his own life, I hold no blame. I did my best to repair the relationships of my childhood family, spent many years in counseling, have counseled others for many years and have come to know that healing is a journey, and this story is ongoing. I hope others will find their voice and gather their courage to speak out against the subtle and not so subtle forms of undue influence and abuse so that they, too, can embrace their imperfections and advocate for those still trapped in silence.
Once my father discovered I was going to publish my memoir/self-help, his efforts to destroy my credibility and character intensified. I was uninvited from a family wedding due to his emotional manipulation and bullying of my sister (portrayed as Charlie in the book). He tried to force my Mom to keep my Grandpa T’s failing health a secret, and he’s called several “family meetings” to warn my aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins that I am an emotionally unstable liar, and to reassure them all that he is not a violent man. His narcissism is classic, his gaslighting skills epic.
I had to get to an emotional place where I was no longer controlled by fear of what my father would do. He has said many times that I am the reason he has felt suicidal off and on throughout his life and that if he ever completed suicide, it would be my fault. I now know, without any doubt that he is responsible for his own wellbeing, and that if he takes his own life, I hold no blame. I did my best to repair the relationships of my childhood family, spent many years in counseling, have counseled others for many years and have come to know that healing is a journey, and this story is ongoing. I hope others will find their voice and gather their courage to speak out against the subtle and not so subtle forms of undue influence and abuse so that they, too, can embrace their imperfections and advocate for those still trapped in silence.
Sarah Westbrook
I’m so excited to announce that I am working on the companion self-help workbook for Trauma Bonded. The workbook will “unpack” my story and provide research-based insights, evidence based interventions and tons of worksheets that you will be able to print off and use on your own path to healing trauma. I think I want to name it “Unpacking Trauma Bonded: A Self-Help Companion Workbook” …but that title needs some tweaking. Feel free to share your thoughts with me on the title AND on subjects or issues you want to see addressed in this book.
I’m also in the beginning phase of writing “Unpacking Mormonism: And Other Religious Trauma” AND “Raising Crazy: Growing Up to Show Up,” AND finishing my PhD! My eyes are preemptively tired from screen time and my fingers ache just thinking about all the typing ahead of me.
I’m also in the beginning phase of writing “Unpacking Mormonism: And Other Religious Trauma” AND “Raising Crazy: Growing Up to Show Up,” AND finishing my PhD! My eyes are preemptively tired from screen time and my fingers ache just thinking about all the typing ahead of me.
Sarah Westbrook
First off, WRITE, WRITE, WRITE!!! Content editing is brutal and it’s easy to take your editors comments personally. Keep in mind, they are trying to make your work better. If you aren’t feeling at least some edginess during the editing phase, you need a new editor. Seriously y’all, I CRIED, YELLED, THREW THINGS, then calmed down, practiced introspection, and rewrote good chunk of my original draft. Zuri and Lisa made me work to get my book to the level of honesty I craved. Over 20 people had their hands on my book before it hit the printers. I maintained my veto powers and remembered to honor their expertise.
Also, find a support team of other writers. I used the app, Meetup, and found the Jefferson City Novelist Group. I am the one of two non-fiction writers in the group. When the going got tough, the encouragement and advice received from those who “got it” was so valuable. Without my JCNG peeps, I wouldn’t have kept my deadlines, and I would have gotten stuck in the editing process forever.
Also, find a support team of other writers. I used the app, Meetup, and found the Jefferson City Novelist Group. I am the one of two non-fiction writers in the group. When the going got tough, the encouragement and advice received from those who “got it” was so valuable. Without my JCNG peeps, I wouldn’t have kept my deadlines, and I would have gotten stuck in the editing process forever.
Sarah Westbrook
All the shit bouncing around in my head has a productive place to go. Seriously, it’s been healing and it’s allowed for me to move forward in life in ways I never anticipated. I also love the legacy it leaves for my children’s children. My voice will always be just a book away.
Sarah Westbrook
I stop writing, I move, eat, sleep, clean, play, hydrate and start again another day. The more I focus on being stuck, the more stuck I get. When Sarah’s brain stops, it means she needs a break, so a break I take to focus on my primary biological needs. I also make sure I spend time in play. When we mentally pause or burn out, play is necessary for reboot.
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