Ask the Author: John Rachel
Answered Questions (30)
John Rachel
I was conceived and born in a mental institution, then taken away from my natural mother and put in an orphanage. I've wondered if the sperm donor for my creation was a janitor, an institutional aid, an attending doctor or a psychologist. Since I have such a strong bond with floor mops and Windex, I suspect the "lucky man" was a janitor.
John Rachel
Sorry this took so long. I just noticed your question. The book is available as either an EPUB or PDF for you to review. Let me know which is best for you and provide an email address so I can send it. Thanks for your interest!
John Rachel
Check your messages, Lori. I sent you a DropBox link to download the free Kindle version. Thanks for your interest! And don't forget to let me know how awful it is.
John
John
John Rachel
Check your messages, John. I sent you a DropBox link to download the free Kindle version. Thanks for your interest! And don't forget to let me know how awful it is.
John
John
John Rachel
I invited you to my birthday party this past summer? I apologize. As reverse birthday presents, I gave several gifts to my guests: (3) brand new Mercedes Benz GLCs, (12) Rolex watches, and one all-expense paid trip around the world. Those that didn't win the main prizes each got $1000 in cash. Everybody seemed pretty happy. The cake was fantastic!
John Rachel
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
John Rachel
This summer I read . . .
Discourses on the Ontological Parallels Between the Writings of St. Thomas Aquinas and the Rubric Cubism Art Movement of the Late 20th Century - Chloe Kardashian
Smart Shopper Yellow Pages Directory - Fort Wayne Indiana
Discourses on the Ontological Parallels Between the Writings of St. Thomas Aquinas and the Rubric Cubism Art Movement of the Late 20th Century - Chloe Kardashian
Smart Shopper Yellow Pages Directory - Fort Wayne Indiana
John Rachel
A man looked into a mirror and something was wrong. He had become his mother and his beard started eating his face.
John Rachel
I don't believe in rushing things. Sometime even in person, I wait two years to answer a question. It can get awkward. Once it happened in a restaurant. Before I answered, the place declared bankruptcy, closed down, the building got demolished. We had to move when they started pouring cement foundations for the Pet Smart they were building on the site of the former restaurant -- it was Belgian-French cuisine if I recall correctly. In any case, I never got to answer the question. One year, eleven months and 17 days before the two years were up, the person who asked it suffered a brain hemorrhage, her eyes rolled up in her head, and she collapsed into a limp heap right in front of me. By then, we had moved under the awning of a convenience store, next to a pay phone which was missing the handset. Wow! It's coming back to me now, what she wanted to know. She had asked me if I were assaulted by fraternal twins wielding leather straps and brass knuckles, how would I feel? If she'd just stuck around a couple more weeks, she would have gotten my reply: "Beats me!"
I like being married to someone who doesn't understand what I'm saying. I think it increases the odds our marriage will last.
I like being married to someone who doesn't understand what I'm saying. I think it increases the odds our marriage will last.
John Rachel
Mahatma Ghandi and Tuesday Weld because I think their children would have lovely complexions.
John Rachel
I don't make the rules for the giveaway. In fact, I'm not all that familiar with the rules. They did ask me if the book was appropriate for under 18. Of course, I don't know any young adults and I hear all sorts of rumors about kids surfing for porn in junior high these days. My book does not have any graphic sex but there are certainly adult themes. Think about this: When I was sixteen I still believed in the Easter Bunny. So I have no perspective. What's "too much" for generations with the internet, Snap Chat, sexting, and all the rest is much too convoluted for me to sort through. It's taken me several decades to get over finding out that the whole Easter Bunny thing was a scam. Thank god for the Tooth Fairy, who has been scientifically verified. My teeth may be falling out soon and I expect to get some hefty bonus money.
As to your beautiful and enviable youthfulness, I hope it stays with you for many years to come. There's nothing that fills my stomach with giddy bubbles of joy more than when someone thinks I'm considerably younger than I am. These days, however, comments about my youthfulness usually take the form of, "You're still alive? Amazing!" and "I wouldn't have pegged you a day older than the solar system."
As to your beautiful and enviable youthfulness, I hope it stays with you for many years to come. There's nothing that fills my stomach with giddy bubbles of joy more than when someone thinks I'm considerably younger than I am. These days, however, comments about my youthfulness usually take the form of, "You're still alive? Amazing!" and "I wouldn't have pegged you a day older than the solar system."
John Rachel
Everybody wants peace, at least all decent people do. But we get consumed by the day-to-day events and tragedies and never look at the bigger picture. Why is there this ongoing conflict in Syria? Who really started it? Why after 15 years of a War on Terrorism is there more terrorism and more terrorists than ever before? There are answers to all of this and you won't like them. My book looks at the larger enterprise of U.S. warmaking, who is promoting them, who benefits, and who is getting the shaft. I'll give you a heads-up on that last one. WE ARE GETTING THE SHAFT! The wars are a fraud, all of the politicians are lying to us -- Trump, Clinton, Obama, Bush, all of them. War is the most profitable business in the world. And they will keep going until the American public wakes up. Why the American public? Because despite what you read in the papers, the U.S. is responsible for almost all of this. Read the book and you will understand. It is extremely well-researched and fully documented.
John Rachel
Did you have something specific in mind? Why do you want a genre? Once you are pigeonholed, you will not be able to write anything else, which is why all of my novels are about transgender time-traveling high-school cheerleaders with only one leg. Believe me, it is not easy coming up with new plot twists.
John Rachel
I approved your comments on my personal page and sent you an email on August 20. Sorry it took so long to respond but I was in Okinawa on vacation, recovering from my kidnapping episode with the Sons of Anarchy. My wife finally negotiated down the ransom and once they received the $12.46 they released me by pushing me out of a sidecar on one of their Harley's. We were going about 60 mph, so I took quite a beating. Thank god I was in a nun's habit, which reduced some of the abrasions.
John Rachel
I'm always looking to expand my reading tastes. I'm reading David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest" right now. It is boring me to death but others promise a dazzling experience. Should I trust them? These are the people who wrote obscene messages about me on bathroom walls in Oregon.
John Rachel
Snow will melt, flowers will bloom, regrets are superfluous. Use the Force and buy lottery tickets with even serial numbers. 50% of all winning lottery tickets are even-numbered!
John Rachel
Hope you will be full recovered soon. 14 surgeries? That must be a record. Keep the faith.
John Rachel
1) Take out a full-page ad (preferably the front page) of the New York Times, Washington Post, and L.A. Times.
2) Appear standing next to the Pope when he says mass for worshipers at St. Peters Cathedral on Christmas Eve. Hold a raffle for your book during communion. Be dressed as Baby Jesus.
3) Star in a video with K-pop sensation PSY. Make sure the title of your book is tattooed on your bare chest. This works especially well if you're female.
2) Appear standing next to the Pope when he says mass for worshipers at St. Peters Cathedral on Christmas Eve. Hold a raffle for your book during communion. Be dressed as Baby Jesus.
3) Star in a video with K-pop sensation PSY. Make sure the title of your book is tattooed on your bare chest. This works especially well if you're female.
John Rachel
I almost named my character Billy Battles too! But I thought it was too combative. My character is more of a punching bag than a puncher.
John Rachel
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