Jim Fay > Quotes

“Wise parents take simple actions early on so they can avoid having to take very painful ones later.”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years

“Every time we replace anger with empathy and caring, we help a child become better prepared to make wise decisions.”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

“The best response is to say what we have to say, and then walk away.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“When we do discipline without showing frustration, the odds for success increase in a very big way.”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

“art”? Simply stated, give control away when you don’t need it, so you can get some back when you do!”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

“Anger Short-Circuits Learning”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

“These parents are making daily deposits into Sammy’s wisdom account that are going to help Sammy—when he’s a teenager and throughout his life.”
― Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

“instead of ordering them around. When they say they’re”
― Jim Fay, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood

“A one-year-old who spits beets is given a choice: “Eat beets nicely in your chair, or play on the floor.” Remember, we are not about punishment or making children feel bad. We are about letting the child know, with love, that when his behavior reaches a certain point (and that will differ with differing parental expectations), the meal is over. If the child feels upset about ending the meal, that’s perfectly okay. If the toddler thinks, Thank goodness—I couldn’t stand another minute in that high chair, that’s perfectly okay too!”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“The boundaries we set for our children are in reality the boundaries we set for ourselves. The more squishy and indecisive we are about our own boundaries, the more soggy and inconsistent we are about the limits we set for our toddlers.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“I want you to go to your room, and I want you to go now”—spoken firmly and with index finger pointing toward the room will usually get results. If the child toddles back out, we should offer, “Would you like to stay in your room with the door open or shut?” If this fails, we can follow with, “Would you like to stay in your room with the door unlocked or locked?” Then, if we are forced to lock the door to keep him in, we need to stay right by it and, once the child has calmed down, open it to again offer him a chance to stay in the room with the door unlocked for five more minutes to practice the appropriate behavior.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“The parent should keep their response empathetic yet vague: “I want you to have that, and you can—as soon as you have a plan for how this isn’t going to be a problem.” Wise parents keep their response fairly open ended in order to keep the child thinking about the situation and how to move forward.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Always be sure to select choices that you as a parent like and can live with. Don’t provide one you like and one you don’t, because the child will usually select the one you don’t like. Never give a choice unless you are willing to allow the child to experience the consequences of that choice. Never give choices when the child is in danger. Always give only two verbal choices, but make sure the child knows there is an implied third choice: If he doesn’t decide, then you’ll decide for him. Your delivery is important. Try to start your sentence with one of the following: “You’re welcome to _____ or _____.” “Feel free to _____ or _____.” “Would you rather _____ or _____?” “What would be best for you, _____ or _____?”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“You’re welcome to_____or_____.”      • “Feel free to_____or_____.”      • “Would you rather_____or______?”      • “What would be best for you — _____or_____?” 7 The Recipe for Success: Empathy with Consequences My child, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“What we will allow—“Feel free to join us for your next meal as soon as the lawn is mowed.” What we will do—“I’ll be glad to read you a story as soon as you’ve finished your bath.” What we will provide—“You may eat what is served, or you may wait and see if the next meal appeals to you more.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“all of our investigative questioning, done when our kids might be telling the truth, may breed a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s been said that if we wrongly accuse our kids twice for the same thing, they’ll set out to prove us right. You can almost hear them say with a sigh, “You think I do it anyway, so I might as well do it.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“remember, we are not sending them there to punish them; we are merely giving them the opportunity to pull themselves together.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“The state of our kids’ room is a control battle we can win. But making an issue of it doesn’t mean yelling at them. It means offering choices”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Modeling is the secret to instilling a sense of responsibility about personal belongings.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Allow the consequences to do the teaching.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Limits can be set much more effectively when we’re not fighting with our kids.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“show excitement about how things work, do things with your children, and become excited about what they and you discover, and you will probably raise self-motivated, curious, and creative children.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Because parents are biologically programmed to protect their children, their automatic tendency is to try to rescue them or give them some wisdom that will solve the problem. A more effective approach involves listening with empathy and very few words.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“Kids have minds of their own. They want to exert their independence and do their own thinking. They blow off the things that are forced onto them and embrace the things they want to believe. If we want to pass our values down to them, we must present those values in a way our kids can accept: in our actions and words. Kids’ values come from what they see and hear. They don’t accept what we try to drive into their heads through lecturing.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“love does not mean hovering around your teens to protect them from all the rocks flung at them by the world. Nor does love mean tolerating outlandish, disrespectful, or illegal behavior. Rather, love means maintaining a healthy relationship with our teens, empowering them to make their own decisions, to live with their own mistakes, and to grow through the consequences.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood

“For the consequences to have any benefit, we must commiserate with our kids, not yell at them. They have nobody to be angry with but themselves when we show sadness. Because of punishment, Brianne had her mom to blame.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“The thing to remember about dealing with our kids’ fights is to butt out of them. Expect them to handle their squabbles themselves. This may be the toughest parenting principle to follow because kids desperately want our intervention. In fact, our intervention makes it safe for them to fight. They know we’ll step in before anyone gets hurt,”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“To help our children gain responsibility we must offer them opportunities to be responsible, rather than order them to do what we think is responsible. “Rules”
― Jim Fay, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood

“we should be there with the needed hint or explanation—but only if our kids ask for it, and only as long as it’s profitable. When we start to become irritated, we’ve helped enough.”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“No wonder Nolan whines like a pro: He has a good teacher. The fact is, parents who spend a lot of time pleading with their children develop kids who are experts at pleading”
― Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility