Laura Smith > Quotes

“As she was putting the finishing touches on The House Without Windows, she wrote of her yearning for a wilder life: “I want as long as possible in that green, fairylike, woodsy, animal-filled, watery, luxuriant, butterfly-painted, moth-dotted, dragonfly-blotched, bird-filled, salamandrous, mossy, ferny, sunshiny, moonshiny, long-dayful, short-nightful land, on that fishy, froggy, tadpoly, shelly, lizard-filled lake—[oh,] no end of the lovely things to say about that place, and I am mad to get there.” Barbara is the girl inside the house, rattling at her cage, demanding to be set free. Go outside, she is saying. Embrace the world in all its frightening, joyful, sun-filled complexity.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“Back then the Appalachian Trail was barely a trail at all—it consisted of over 2,000 miles of mostly unmarked wilderness from Mount Katahdin in Maine to Mount Oglethorpe in Georgia. A man named Benton MacKaye had proposed its creation in the early 1920s. He had utopian visions about a place that could “transcend the economic scramble” and be a balm on the American psyche after World War I. He thought the trail could lift people out of the drudgery of modern life. Government workers needed a relaxing place to recuperate, he wrote in his proposal. Housewives, he said, could use the trail’s rejuvenating powers too. They could come during their leisure time. It could even be a cure for mental illness, whose sufferers “need acres not medicine.” Civilization was weakening, he said. Americans needed a path forward. The Appalachian Trail was the solution. There was still so much undeveloped land in the United States. The West had Yosemite and Yellowstone, and many more national parks, but the East Coast was the most populous part of the country, and the people who lived there should have something to rival the western parks. National parks already dotted the East Coast’s landscape, but what if they could be united? MacKaye imagined what Americans would see as they strode the length of the trail: the “Northwoods” pointed firs on Mount Washington, the placid, pine-rimmed lakes of the Adirondacks. They would cross the Delaware Water Gap, the Potomac, and Harpers Ferry. They could follow Daniel Boone’s footsteps through southern Appalachia to the hardwood forests of North Carolina and end at Springer Mountain in Georgia. They would know their country. Barbara was swept up by”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“I began writing about a woman who disappears. Not Barbara, but a fictional woman. She was a botanist who had vanished, perhaps deliberately, in the Burmese jungle in search of a rare, psychedelic mushroom. I wrote about her because, of course, I wanted to disappear. Often those who write about women who have vanished are men with an impulse to eviscerate women, or women with an impulse to eviscerate themselves. I was interested in a different kind of vanishing: the kind where you disentangle yourself from your life and start fresh. People would miss you. You could miss them. You could live at a peaceful distance, loving them in a way that is simpler than the way you love someone you have to deal with in everyday life. You hadn't abandoned them. You were just gone. Mysterious rather than rejecting. Vanishing was a way to reclaim your life.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“Once, sitting in the Columbia archives, I had come across a letter in which Barbara had expressed disapproval of mixed-race marriages. I wanted her to be more progressive than that. The vanished woman is perfect because she is whoever we want her to be. She doesn't grow old, or fat, or ugly; she doesn't say things we don't like. She is frozen, no longer her own, bur ours.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“Green light,” she called, and I watched Becky run ahead until she was just a few inches from Michelle. Kayla was right next to her. Just as she reached out to tag Michelle, Kayla pushed into Becky’s back hard, and Becky flew forward.
I gasped. Michelle turned around as Kayla tagged her arm. Becky fell at Michelle’s feet. She wrapped her arms around Michelle’s legs to catch herself. Michelle fell forward onto her knees, and Becky bumped her mouth against Michelle’s shoe.
“Time!” I called, stopping the game.
“Sis, you all right?” Heather asked Michelle.
Michelle didn’t answer. She looked at Becky who was on her knees, staring at the ground.
“You okay?” I asked Becky.
She started to cry. I didn’t know if she really was hurt or just looking for attention. I sighed and looked away, waiting for her to start screaming her head off.
Luke ran over to us. He looked at her, pointed, and cried, “Beck, you’re bleeding!”
I looked up. Blood was trickling out of her mouth. She gasped. I glared at Luke for scaring her. He closed his mouth. Becky opened hers wider.
“Kayla, why are you such a little brat?” asked Michelle, slapping off the grass stuck to her knees.
“It was an accident!” Kayla insisted.
“Yeah right!” Michelle yelled, “You just wanted to win! It’s just a game!”
Kayla stood there looking guilty. I looked at Becky and noticed that one of her teeth was missing. I looked down, found a piece of white on the ground, and picked it up with my thumb and pointer finger. It was Becky’s tooth.
“Becky, look!” I said, holding it up, “You lost your first tooth!”

- The Castle Park Kids”
― Laura Smith

“Did I ever tell you that we used to keep our horses where your house is?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
She continued her story, “My brothers used to get up early every morning and go across the street, well, there wasn’t a street there yet. It was just a dirt road, and they used to get up and clean the stables and feed the horses every morning. I would go over there once they had finished and give the horses a brush, even though none of those horses were mine. I had always wanted my own horse, but I never got one. When my father got older, he got rid of the horses and sold the land, all but this yard here."
She spread her hand over the yard as she said this.
"I grew up and got married and had to move away. My husband and I lived in an apartment above a bread store. And it was so cramped, let me tell you. There was nowhere to move around and no yard to take care of. It was terrible. I’m not saying I wanted my husband to die. I’d never have wished that in a million years. But I was so relieved to come home after two years, and I've lived here ever since."
I had stopped raking, turned and looked at her.
"I know why you don’t want to leave this street," she said, "You’ve been in that house your whole life, just like me. And no matter where you go it’s not going to seem like home. But just like me, you’re going to come back. You have to remind yourself of that. And I did hate being away from home, but it was the most memorable time in my life, being away. It was an adventure as much as it was scary. But when I came home, I learned to get out more. I went to beauty school and got a job at the salon and took trips with friends. I like to get away from the house so that I can come back and still appreciate it. And you will too after you come back.”
I nodded at Violet. What she was saying made sense.
“I’ll go,” I said, “Tell them I’ll go.”

- The Stable House”
― Laura Smith

“In the carefully scripted wedding rituals, I detected bad faith. I felt less like a bride and more like a person pretending to be a bride, the way a little girl might process through her living room with a pillowcase draped over her head toward some imaginary groom. I refused to take engagement photos because who would ever believe that we were spontaneously bounding through a field at sunset holding hands? Or making out in front of a brick wall? Who was this photo for? It couldn't be fore us because anytime we looked at it we would know all the work that went into it: a long afternoon spent smiling to the point of jaw exhaustion.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“I didn’t see Danny come in or run towards me. He was just suddenly there, pulling me up by my arm so hard that I gasped. I felt his grip on my skin long after he let go. We ran down the steps where Mom met us, coughing. She was followed by a thick black cloud of smoke. I had never felt smoke that hot in my life. I tasted ash when I breathed in.
“Go! Get out!” she choked, waving us towards the front door.
We ran out into the night in our pajamas.
“Run to Violet’s!” Mom called behind us.

- The Stable House”
― Laura Smith

“I had believed that it was just a matter of looking, of trying hard enough. But suddenly, finding a single person among the billions of people who have lived and are living on this planet seemed absurd. Perhaps it was naive to believe that people leave marks on the world, that we are not churned back int the earth like dead leaves in a compost pile. I had heard once that in a hundred millions years, all buildings will be gone. Paper will exist, but the ink will vanish, so everything will be blank. Eternal blankness - forever. Why resist if that is our fate? I didn't even know my own great-grandparents' names. They had lived entire complex lives, had careers, had created homes and raised children. They had wanted things. Their children had known about them, their grandchildren less so but still some, and I knew nothing.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“While some people professed approval for our wide travel, flexible work schedules, and unencumbered living, it always came with a wink and a nod. 'Yes,' they said to us, 'have your adventures while you can' - meaning, of course, that they would have to end. Whenever I mentioned getting rid of furniture or appliances, people would say, 'You'll want those things later.' This 'later' loomed. Sometime in the near future, circumstances or perhaps people would conspire to trap us. I imagined this threat to my freedom as a large wolf lurking in the bushes waiting to pounce, and felt that if I let my guard down for a moment I would wake up in a house I didn't want, in a neighborhood I didn't want to live in, doing things I didn't want to do. I would sit in my car in traffic and then stare at computers all day in fluorescently lit rooms where the only sounds were the tapping of keyboards and the occasional polite cough. At night I would fold laundry, organize drawers and closets, and pause to wonder when this had become my life.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“Mike couldn’t believe that Mr. Mackey’s secret tragedy was connected to his store, and no one had ever told him.
“Do you think he’d ever take it back?”
“Why would he? His son was never found, and he still blames your dad for it. I think it’s his way of making himself feel better about the accident. He thinks horror movies are evil or something.”
“That’s stupid. Most kids are more scared of him than they are of horror movies,” Mike said, “He shouldn’t blame my dad.”
“He thinks he’s protecting the kids,” Tim said, rolling his eyes.
“Well, if he is trying to save kids, why is he so mean to us? Everyone’s afraid of him. Even Jack.”
“I don’t know. I guess he’s just a cranky old man. Don’t take it personally. He’s had it rough. He has to stand on that playground everyday knowing that just over that fence, his son’s body is down there somewhere.”
“Then why doesn’t he teach at another school?”
“I don’t know, bud. Sometimes people just like to torture themselves.”

- Saving Hascal's Horrors”
― Laura Smith

“Kayla jumped down off of the monkey bars. I thought she was going to apologize. Instead, she pointed at Becky and laughed as hard as she could.
My blood boiled. I glared at her so hard that I thought that lasers would shoot out of my eyes and burn a hole through her. Without thinking, I stood up, walked over to Kayla, and slapped her across the face as hard as I could. I had never hit anyone who wasn’t my brother and sister, and I had never hit them as hard as I hit her. My hand stung. I grabbed it and held it between my knees. Kayla squealed, grabbed her face, and ran home. Ashley just looked at me. I reached for Becky, helped her to her feet, and we ran to our house.

- The Castle Park Kids”
― Laura Smith

“He let go of the rope one hand at a time and latched onto Lisa’s hands. Her fingernails dug into his wrists, but her grip was strong after a summer of lifting girls into the air. It was a tug of war battle between his friends and Shawn’s ghost. The wind died down as Shawn gathered all of his energy to pull on Mike. Even though he was terrified of what was happening, Mike knew that Shawn wasn’t trying to hurt him. After all these years, he was still trying to find a way out. Shawn wanted to go home too, and he saw the hope of being rescued falling away.
“Shawn! Please! Let me go!” Mike called over the dying wind, “I’ll get you help! We’ll get you out! Just please! Let me go!”

- Saving Hascal's Horrors”
― Laura Smith

“The next morning, I woke up to hear Becky moaning and rustling around in her bed covers.
“I’m so itchy!” she cried.
“So scratch!” I said, groggily, but suddenly, I felt itchy too.
So, I started scratching my legs. They felt better until I stopped scratching. Then, it started to burn. I threw back the covers and saw that my legs were covered in red bumps.
“My legs!” I yelled.
Becky looked over at me. Then, she pulled back her covers. Her legs were even worse. She gasped.
“Mom!” I cried.
Mom came in. She was ready for work, wearing her dress shirt and gym shorts. She only had to dress up the top half of her body in case she had to use her webcam to talk to her boss.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Look!” I said, showing her our legs.
“Oh no! That’s poison ivy!” she cried, “Where were you guys playing yesterday?”
“The woods,” I said.
“You must have been sitting in it,” she said.

- The Castle Park Kids”
― Laura Smith

“Dragonfly larvae breathe underwater through tracheal gills. These gills are located in a rectal respiratory chamber. Water is drawn into the rectum to the gills. This water-filled chamber can also function as a jet by the rapid expulsion of the water enabling the nymph to move at great speed for a short distance and escape danger or capture prey.”
― Laura Smith, Characteristics of the Insect Orders

“I had heard this dog barking over the music earlier, but this was the first time I had seen him. He was a giant, brown Great Dane who was either annoyed or excited by everything that was going on. He made a beeline for the girls who had just stepped back onto the sidewalk. Ruby was the first of them to spot him coming at them and began to scream and run backwards. The rest of the group froze in place. The dog was barking like crazy as it charged at them. He circled Ruby once and then pounced on her. Ruby screamed and swatted at the dog with her bucket and then took off down the sidewalk.
“Ruby!” I screamed, “Don’t run!”

- The Stable House”
― Laura Smith

“Don’t tell Mom, but I think my little emergency last night was a sign. And I was thinking of you when it happened. So, I’m worried that this is a prediction about you. Do you have something big planned? Something dangerous that you’re going to do?”
Mike looked away. He didn’t want to lie to her but he also couldn’t tell her his plan.
“Well, whatever it is, don’t do it, okay? You’re going to get the feeling soon too. I know it,” she yawned, “It feels like it’s a long way off, but I’ve never had this strong a reaction before. And now that I’m stuck in bed, I can’t help you…or stop you. So please, whatever you’re doing, let it go, okay? Especially if it’s about the shop. Just let me handle it.”
“I’ll be careful,” he said.
“Huh?” she yawned again.
He didn’t answer. Her eyelids grew heavy until they closed all the way. Mike lifted the sheet that was turned down from the bed and draped it over her. Then, he left the room, closing the door behind him.

- Saving Hascal's Horrors”
― Laura Smith

“Wanting everything seems like an excellent way to set yourself up for disappointment. But what if you accept the yearning, what if the yearning is the only thing that can satisfy?”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust

“I was just a year older than Barbara when she vanished, and this fact seemed significant to me. I had a sense that the decisions I was making then would determine the rest of my life. Like with a rocket ship, the trajectory set on the ground was critical; a fraction of a degree in the wrong direction could send me to a wildly different place.”
― Laura Smith, The Art of Vanishing: A Memoir of Wanderlust