Steve Biddulph > Quotes

“WHAT IS CALMNESS? Calmness is not a character trait, it’s simply a skill. You have to decide that it matters, that the quality of your presence would be better if you slowed yourself down and were really connected to people and the moment you are living in. Then you practise until gradually it becomes part of you. It benefits everyone around you – they feel peaceful and happy in your presence. It’s exactly what children need in a parent. And it benefits you – with less stress hormones, you live longer and feel better. Calmness is well worth cultivating. Calmness is made up of certain actions; breathing deeper, dropping your shoulders, settling your muscles, feeling your feet strongly planted on the ground, focusing your thoughts on the job in hand in a steady easy way, and not going off into panicked thoughts. Even just counting three or four breaths, in and out, will slow your heartbeat and calm your mind down. Calm people are actually doing these things automatically; when an emergency strikes they intentionally calm themselves more in order to counter the tendency to panic and do the wrong thing. Self-regulating your level of emotional arousal is an incredibly valuable skill for life. All you have to do is notice, am I calm? If not, breathe a couple of times consciously, feel your feet on the ground, and notice how, as the last burst of adrenaline clears away, the calmness response starts to kick in. Practise this for a few days, and soon the natural appeal of calmness will pull you more and more to that peaceful and steady place. Everything is better – the taste of food, the scent of flowers, the feel of the water in your shower, warm on your skin. You will find that time slows down, and you can think more in the pause before you open your mouth. And that has real benefits!”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls in the 21st Century: Helping Our Girls to Grow Up Wise, Strong and Free

“Have you ever browsed through a family photo collection and seen photos of a boy taken over the course of many years, from babyhood through to young manhood? If you have, you’ll know that boys don’t grow up in a smooth way. They go in surges—looking the same for a year or two, then suddenly seeming to change overnight. And that’s only on the outside. On the inside, great changes are happening, too. But developing maturity and character aren’t as automatic as physical growing. A boy can get stuck. Everyone knows at least one man who is large in body but small in mind or soul. He just hasn’t developed as a mature person. Such men are everywhere—they might be rich, powerful, a president, or a tycoon, but you look at them and think, Yep, still a boy. And not a very nice one.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different--and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“Po dosažení čtyřiceti let začne hladina testosteronu postupně klesat. Někdy i několik dní za sebou nemyslí na sex! V ložnici nahrazuje kvantitu kvalita. Teď nemusí nic dokazovat a je klidnější a moudřejší. Ve skupině a pracovních situacích se stává tichým vůdcem. Cení si přátelství a je teď pro svět největším přínosem.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“If at all possible, a boy should stay home with one of his parents or a close relative until about age three. Daycare of the institutional kind does not suit boys’ nature during these very early years. Many studies have shown that boys are more prone than girls to separation anxiety and to becoming emotionally shut down as a result of feeling abandoned. Also, a boy of this age may cope with his anxiety by becoming restless or aggressive. Experienced caregivers talk about the “sad/angry boy syndrome”—a little boy who feels abandoned and anxious and converts that into hitting and hurting behavior. He may carry this behavior into school and later life. Care by a loving relative is far better than an institutional situation for toddlers under three. Children under three need to spend the long days of childhood with people to whom they are very special.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different--and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“Nedávno ale chopili Lego do svých pastí marketingoví odborníci, kteří rozhodli, že je třeba vytvořit jeho dívčí verzi.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“One of the happiest couples I know are as different as could be: she a classical musician and lover of croissants, he an environmentalist rancher in the Santa Fe mountains. Their marriage vows included their own special clause – that he never had to go to an opera, and she never had to sleep on the ground!”
― Steve Biddulph, The New Manhood: Love, Freedom, Spirit and the New Masculinity

“Algunos creen que la disciplina es una cuestión de «ganar» o «vencer» a tu hija. Pero éste no es el objetivo; lo que queremos es hacerla más fuerte. Debemos ayudarlos a manejarse, a gestionar sus emociones, y a ser capaces de pensar bien incluso cuando se ven sobrepasadas por las emociones. (En nuestro libro The Secret of Happy Children10 se habla más de este método de «quedarse de pie y pensar», tanto para niños como para niñas.)”
― Steve Biddulph, Educar niñas

“Hacedme caso, los bebés nunca encajan en tu tipo de vida. Los bebés cogen los kleenex de tu vida ¡y hacen con ellos una bola llena de mocos! Aunque lleves tu maternidad o paternidad muy bien, tu mundo deberá reorganizarse. Los bebés se encargarán de ello. No me decido a susurrarlo o a decirlo a voz en grito, pero ahí va: al menos hasta que pasen veinte años no volverás a tener prioridad en tu propia vida. Si has pasado veinte o treinta años concentrado en ti mismo, la paternidad o maternidad será un gran reto. Pero será positiva. Con suerte, la paternidad y tu hijo te compensarán con el amor suficiente, pero es importante que sepas dónde te has metido y cuál es tu papel.”
― Steve Biddulph, Educar niñas

“Do patnácti let věku umírají (chlapci) třikrát častěji než děvčata, a to z nejrůznějších příčin - ale nejvíce následkem úrazu, násilí a pokusu o sebevraždu.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“You invest a lot in your kids, from the sleepless nights early on and the frightening trips to the emergency room, to homework assignments and a million miles of taxi driving. The great thing is that everything you put in counts, and with a bit of luck, one day they will realize it. Love adds up to something. It's indestructible and immortal and carries long on after your own life is over. Who could ask for more?”
― Steve Biddulph

“A partner who rolls her eyes, sighs, turns away, sends a very toxic message.”
― Steve Biddulph, The New Manhood

“I like to think that what I do is masculine... when I hold a little baby and kiss it, that's the masculine part of me holding that little baby. When I have tears because I'm scared or because I'm full of joy, they're all masculine. There's not a feminine thing about them. - Marvin Allen in Manhood.”
― Steve Biddulph

“V dnešní době jsou sebejistější, motivovanější a pracovitější děvčata.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“Гневът също е един от защитните ни механизми. Ако се използва правилно, гневът не се изразява във викове, удряне на хора или обиждане, а в силата да не допускате да се разпореждат с вас. Ако дъщеря ви различава сигналите на тялото си - повишаване на температурата, напрягане на мускулите, стискане на челюстта или намръщено изражение, - значи знае: "Карат ме да върша нещо, което не искам" или "Тези хора се държат злобно, няма да допусна да постъпват така с мен".
Най-бързият и най-добър начин да използвате гнева е да го вербализирате. Научете дъщеря си да казва: "Това не ми харесва" силно, с изразителен поглед и високо вдигната брадичка; "Остави ме на мира" или просто да си тръгне, като не сваля поглед от човека, който я е обидил или наранил.
Упражнете това с нея, научете я да изглежда и да звучи категорично. Ако приятел я е ядосал, може да каже: "Няма да го направя" или "Не, няма" по-любезно, но уверено и ако се наложи да повтори: "Казах какво изпитвам". Вие, разбира се, също може да покажете модел на подобно поведение и тя ще го имитира, ако се наложи.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Los ordenadores, los iPads y los DVD tienen su utilidad, pero estos aparatos electrónicos pueden distorsionar los sentidos de los niños pequeños y perjudicar el desarrollo de su cerebro, porque son planos, carecen de texturas y deben mirarse a una distancia determinada. No permiten enfocar el ojo ni moverse, algo necesario para desarrollar el equilibrio y los centros de actividad del cerebro. Y con las pantallas no se experimenta el sentido de amar ni de relacionarse con un animal como con algo que tocas o abrazas.”
― Steve Biddulph, Educar niñas

“Je důležité si uvědomit, že KAŽDÝ z nás někdy někoho šikanoval, každý z nás byl někdy obětí šikany a všichni jsme někdy byli přihlížejícími, kteří buď zasáhli, nebo nezasáhli.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Las niñas deberían tener un montón de ropa vieja y resistente para que no les preocupara ensuciarse cuando pintan o juegan con agua o pegamento; de ese modo no se asustarían al mancharse la ropa o la piel. En realidad, las niñas pequeñas no necesitan ropa fina ni prendas de moda. De hecho, a estas niñas pequeñas, las prendas excesivamente ornadas y vistosas solo les fomentan una preocupación por su aspecto. La moda de los pequeños es para satisfacer el gusto de los padres; si crees que tu hija no está lo bastante mona con una camiseta y un pantalón de peto, lo que tienes que hacer es mirar menos revistas. (No hay nada más triste que ver a una cría vestida con un trajecito cursi y muy «femenino», pues que lo único que puede hacer con esa ropa es sentarse y poner carita de niña «buena».) Hace poco una madre me dijo: «Antes solía decirle a mi niña de dos años: “Este vestido te queda precioso”, o “Qué mona estás”. Pero ahora le digo: “Ponte estas bambas (o estas botas de agua), así podrás correr y jugar”».”
― Steve Biddulph, Educar niñas

“Nemůžeme ptákům žalu zabránit, aby nám prolétli životem, ale nemusíme jim dovolit, aby se nám uhnízdili ve vlasech!”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Целта на рекламите е да въздействат на разума ви - да ви разтревожат и да ви направят неудовлетворени. Ако искате да продадете нещо на момиче, независимо дали е на четири или на четиринайсет години, първо трябва да се погрижите да се почуства несигурна - за външния си вид, приятелите си, дрехите си, теглото, кожата и косата. Всяка част от нея може да доведе до провал.
Телевизията, списанията, билбордовете и музикалните клипове бълват към момичетата посланието си "бъдете слаби" от всички страни. Резултатът: външният вид се превръща в основна грижа на деца, които дори не би трябвало да се замислят за това.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Светът Е тъжно мястои децата могат да приемат това, стига да ги оставим да изживеят чуствата си, докато стоим до тях и им изпращаме сигнала "Да, но не е нужно да се справяш сам".”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Mental health and species health are one and the same”
― Steve Biddulph

“Je pravda, že v tradičních společnostech se dívky ve čtrnácti letech běžně vdávaly. Dívku však poutala železná pravidla stanovující, jaké chování je akceptovatelné, a definovala každou vteřinu jejího života.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“– whatever happens to your marriage – that you stay in”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys in the 21st Century: How to help our boys become open-hearted, kind and strong men

“Všechno to, co je noční můrou rodičů (riskantní chování, alkohol, drogy a trestná činnost), se děje proto, že nenacházíme způsoby, jak by se mohla realizovat touha mladých mužů po slávě a hrdinských činech.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“Computers, iPads, and DVDs have their place, but for small children through to teens, these electronic devices can warp the senses and affect brain development negatively, because they are all flat and clean and the same distance away. You don’t refocus your eyes or move about enough to develop the balance and activity centers of the brain. And”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls: How to Help Your Daughter Grow Up Happy, Healthy, and Strong

“Než si totiž pořídíte děti, život občas dokonce odpovídá vašim představám a záměrům. Pořád můžete mít iluzi, že ho máte pod kontrolou - a to je pocit, který skutečné rodiče už dávno opustil.”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Girls

“Because teachers often use much longer sentences when teaching, these kids are stuck trying to understand the first part while the teacher (or parent) is going full steam ahead with the rest of the message. The researchers recommend that teachers use short sentences and only go on speaking when they see that “lights go on” effect in children’s eyes. And Dr. Sax adds that perhaps boys should sit at the front of the class, not the back. In”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different--and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“Children act up because they are overstimulated and need help to calm down.”
― Steve Biddulph, The Secret of Happy Children: Why Children Behave the Way They Do -- and What You Can Do to Help Them to Be Optimistic, Loving, Capable, and Happy

“Tell him we both need to calm down. Make some coffee or a cool drink, sit down, and talk it over rationally. 2. If you are feeling too angry or upset, tell him that you will come back to the subject later—when you feel less emotional. 3. Go and sit down, or have something to drink, or go to another room. 4. Try to act before you are actually upset—if you wait until you are crying or very angry, he will feel guilty and confused. 5. Later in the day, have a talk with him. Set aside the original problem to begin with. Talk about the bigger issue of being able to get along well in the household and how important that is. Ask if he, too, wants to get along well. Explain that this sometimes involves compromises. The things you won’t compromise on are those concerning safety, his keeping agreements he makes, and respecting the rights of others in the family. Ask if he is willing to always stop and calm down if you ask him to do so. Then you can either have a break to celebrate or talk about the original problem. By doing something like this, you are saying, in effect,”
― Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different--and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

“a clutter of toys and materials actually makes for less play - it’s all too much choice. If”
― Steve Biddulph, Steve Biddulph's Raising Girls: From babyhood to womanhood-helping your daughter grow up wise, warm and strong