Michael Hopkins > Quotes

“Charity Begins At Home The expression "charity begins at home" is often used as a way of excusing ourselves from giving help to far-away causes when we've already got demanding issues on our own doorstep to deal with. To put it another way, it's a way of saying "we should look after number one, first and foremost." This, however, is the exact opposite of what the expression used to mean back in the day. Until recently, the word 'charity' wasn't used in the modern sense of giving or raising money to help others in need. It referred to broader notions such as kindness, love, empathy, affection, and goodwill. So the expression "charity begins at home" didn't mean help yourself before you help anyone else – it meant, if you want the world to be a better place, then you should start by being a better person yourself.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff! Volume 2

“I celebrated last Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." – Jon Stewart”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“20. Everybody's got to learn sometimes (The Korgis) 19. Annie's song (John Denver) 18. Eleanor Rigby (The Beatles) 17. Leaving on a jet plane (Peter, Paul and Mary)”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“– It's impossible to say "good eye might" without sounding Australian.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff! Volume 2

“To avoid confusion, the correct designation for twelve o'clock is 12 noon or 12 midnight. Alternatively, the twenty-four-hour-clock system may be used. The abbreviation a.m. stands for ante-meridiem (before the sun has crossed the line) and p.m. for post-meridiem (after the sun has crossed the line). At 12 noon the sun is at its highest point in the sky and directly over the meridian. It is therefore neither "ante-" nor "post-".”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“- "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do when you're down there."� – George Burns”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“end, and the end of every”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff! Volume 2

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“dyslexic man walks into a bra... 2. “I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“a little known fact that the tan became popular in what’s now known as the Bronze Age.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“16. Love will tear us apart (Joy Division) 15. Ain't no sunshine (Bill Withers) 14. Sound of silence (Simon and Garfunkel) 13. My way (Frank Sinatra) 12. All by myself (Eric Carmen)  11. Yesterday (The Beatles) 10. Without you (Harry Nilsson)  9. Seasons in the sun (Terry Jacks)  8. Fix You (Coldplay)  7. My heart will go on (Celine Dion)  6. Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen/Alexandra Burke/Jeff Buckley)  5. Nothing compares 2 U (Prince/Sinead O'Connor)  4. I will always love you (Whitney Houston)”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“ 3. The living years (Mike and the Mechanics)  2. Candle in the wind (Elton John)”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde screams at her husband, “Shut up, you're next!”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff

“Unless life also hands you sugar and water, your lemonade is going to suck.”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff! Volume 2

“Everybody hurts (REM)”
― Michael Hopkins, The Big Book of Interesting Stuff