Michael Pearl > Quotes

“You, Sir, were created to be part of a union of two. Only in embracing your nature as a member of a duo will you discover your purpose in life. Utilizing your other half for selfish purposes is not what God intended. Your wife is not there just to scratch your itch. That is not the path to fulfillment. This is a spiritual, intellectual, and emotional journey of two souls becoming one. Neglect that fact of nature and you will die an old, loveless, lonely loser. Dedicate your life to elevating your woman to a place of maturity and fulfillment and you will save your own life and experience heaven’s best.”
― Michael Pearl, Created To Need A Help Meet: A Marriage Guide for Men

“The root of all sin is found in the runaway indulgence of God-given desires.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Parents should not wait until their child’s behavior becomes unacceptable before they commence training—which would then actually be discipline. Training is not discipline. Discipline is the “damage control” part of training, but is insufficient in itself to effect proper behavior. Training is the conditioning of the child’s mind before the crisis arises. It is preparation for future, instant, unquestioning obedience. An athlete trains before he competes. Animals, including wild ones, are conditioned to respond to the trainer’s voice command.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Train up—not beat up. Train up—not discipline up. Train up—not educate up. Train up—not “positive affirmation” up. Training is the most often missed element in child rearing. A child needs more than “obedience training,” but without first training him, discipline is insufficient.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Everything a child experiences, either by way of indulgence or the self-restraint you impose, is preparing him for the day when he will mature into a responsible, moral soul. Somewhere on that road of development, each child will graduate to commence his full accountability. That child then stands alone before God, “without excuse.” It becomes his day of accountability.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“You hold an eternal soul in your hands. You cannot afford to give in to weariness, indifference, laziness, or careless neglect. God chose you two as the parents of these children! It is now your responsibility to determine what level of understanding your child possesses and to hold him accountable at that level.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Always treat your children with respect. Never ridicule, mock, or laugh at your child’s ideas, creations, or ambitions. The trust you desire to have when they are older must be established and maintained when they are young.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Parent, have you trained yourself not to discipline immediately but to wait until your irritation builds into anger? If so, then you have allowed anger to become your inducement to discipline—a less than worthy motivation. “But how can I stop being so angry?” you ask. It’s simple. Don’t wait until it becomes a personal affront to you. Discipline immediately upon the slightest disobedience. When children see you motivated by anger and frustration, they assume that your “discipline” is just a personal matter, a competition of interest. The child thinks of you much as he would of any other child who is bullying him around. He is not being made to respect the law and the lawgiver. He believes that you are forcing him to give in to superior power. When you act in anger, your child feels that you are committing a personal transgression against him—violating his rights. You have lost the dignity of your office. As politicians often say, “You are not presidential enough.” If your child does not see consistency in the lawgiver, in his mind there is no law at all, just competition for supremacy. You have taught yourself to be motivated only by anger. And you have taught your child to respond only to anger. Having failed to properly train your child, you have allowed the seeds of self-indulgence”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“glasses as bait, place the child where he can easily reach them. Look him squarely in the eye. When he reaches out to grab them, don’t pull back; don’t defend yourself. Calmly say, “No.” If anything, lower your voice; don’t raise it. Don’t sound more serious than usual. Remember, you are establishing a vocal pattern to be used the rest of his youth. If he reaches out to touch your glasses, again say, “No,” and thump or swat his hand with a light object so as to cause him a little pain, but not necessarily enough to cry. He will pull his hand back and try to comprehend the association of grabbing the glasses with the pain. Inevitably, he will return to the bait to test his new theory. Sure enough, reaching for the glasses again causes pain, and the pain is accompanied with a quiet, little “No.” It may take one or two more tries for him to give up his career as a glasses snatcher, but he will. Through this process, the child will associate the pain with the word “No.” There quickly comes a time when your word alone is sufficient to gain obedience.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“There is nothing cute or lovable about a whining “brat.” To allow a child to whine and disobey is to mold a personality and character that you will eventually find hard to like. By taking control and teaching them to control their emotions and to instantly obey, your children will be cheerful and pleasant. Then you will not only love your children, but like them as well. The child reciprocates the parent’s delight by loving and honoring them even more. They can both enjoy each other’s company. The parents are rested and refreshed by spending time with their children.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Before he can DECIDE to do good, his parents must CONDITION him to do good.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Parents must be sensitive to their role in the child’s moral development. One day he is going to choose without you. Will he make the right choice? No amount of training is going to override the certainty of sin developing in the child’s life, but the training parents give can lessen the child’s addiction to the flesh and make it easier for repentance to follow his sinful indulgence.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Parent, you can’t blame your children if you have trained them to obey only after several warnings, threats, an ultimatum or two, and finally with a gesture of force. It’s not their fault. It’s yours.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“What did Johnny learn from this episode? He had his conviction reinforced that it is never necessary to obey a command the first, second, third, or even fourth time. No one expects him to. He has learned that it is permissible to grab anything within reach and to continue possessing it until the heat gets too great. He has learned not to respect authority, just strength (the day will come when he will be the stronger one). By the father’s example, he has learned how to use anger. By the father’s advance to take the object from his hand, he has learned how to “get in the last shot” and maintain his defiance. That father was effectively training his small child to be a rebel.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“It is important that sons and daughters be able to trust their parents with personal, intimate knowledge.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“It just takes a few minutes to train a child not to touch a given object. Most children can be brought into complete and joyous subjection in just three days. Thereafter, if you are consistent, the children will remain happy and obedient.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“No amount of discipline can make up for a lack of training.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“As long as parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This “obedience training” is conducted with quiet patience. The spanking is not punishment and is not very painful. It merely gives weight to your words.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“FROM BIRTH, PARENTS MUST ASSUME CONTROL AND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE MORAL DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR CHILDREN. During the early years, we certainly do not want to destroy the child’s natural drives, but we must constrain him to exercise temperance and self-control.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“As my boys got into their later teens, I found that upon occasion they did have fresh ideas that were better than my “old fashioned” way of doing things.”
― Michael Pearl, Jumping Ship: What to do so your children don't jump ship to the world when they get older: How to Keep Your Children from Jumping Ship

“If you raise your voice when giving a command to your child, he will learn to associate your tone and sound level with your intention. If you have trained him to respond to a bellow, don’t blame him if he ignores your first thirteen calm “suggestions” while waiting for your fevered pitch to reach the point where he interprets it to be a real command.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“There was no hastiness or anger in his response. He did not take the disobedience personally. He had trained many horses and mules and knew the value of patient perseverance. In the end, the twelve-month-old submitted his will to his father, sat as he was placed, and became content—even cheerful. He was now ready to quietly sit through three hours of the most boring church service a sleeping patriarch ever attended.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“A newborn soon needs training. Parents who put off training until their child is old enough to discuss issues or receive explanations will find he has become a terror long before he can tie his shoes.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Disciplinary actions can easily become excessive and oppressive if you set aside the tool of training and depend on discipline alone to do the training.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“One father proudly told of how he fearlessly overcame by promising the child ice cream if he would only wait until they left the store. Such compromises will only affirm the child in his commitment to terrorist tactics. You are not gaining control of the child; he is gaining control of you. All children are trained, some carelessly or negligently, and some with varied degrees of forethought. All parental responses are conditioning the child’s behavior, and are therefore training.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Wouldn’t it be better to take a little time to train him in his young and tender years? If nothing else, training will result in saving you time.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“As a mother begins to lower her child into the crib, he stiffens, takes a deep breath, and bellows. The battle for control has begun early, and in earnest. Someone is going to be conditioned. Either the tenderhearted mother will cave in to the child’s self-centered demands (actually training the child to get his way by crying), or she will wisely allow him to cry (communicating that crying is counterproductive). Crying because of genuine physical need is the infant’s only voice to the outside world, but crying in order to manipulate others into constant servitude should never be rewarded. Otherwise, you will reinforce the child’s growing self-centeredness, which will eventually become socially intolerable.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Parents who purchase compliance through promise of reward are turning their child into a racketeer, paying for protection. The child becomes the Mafia or union boss, and you take the role of intimidated businessman. If you are bargaining with a terrorist for one more day’s reprieve from anguish, you may then strike a favorable deal. But, if you are training up a child, you need to reconsider your methods. Allowing yourself to be intimidated into compromise will turn your child into a psychological bully.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children

“Except where the very smallest children are concerned, training at home almost entirely eliminates the need for public discipline. Yet, should the need arise in public, be discreet with your discipline, and then go home and re-train in that area of behavior so that you and the child will not be placed in that difficult situation again.”
― Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child: Turning the hearts of the fathers to the children