James Alan Gardner > Quotes

“Everyone's life is a mess. Everyone's. We all make mistakes . . . and not just little slip-ups. Major mistakes that hurt us and other people.”
― James Alan Gardner, Trapped

“Don't be a little paranoid; worry about everything, or let it all go.”
― James Alan Gardner, Trapped

“What kind of programmer is so divorced from reality that she thinks she'll get complex software right the first time?”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number . . . Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“If you agree to work for us, half the time you won't know the purpose of your duties . . . and when we do explain, we might not be telling the truth. But that's the real world, folks . . .”
― James Alan Gardner, Trapped

“Sometimes all the procedures in the world can't protect you . . . but that's no reason to walk up to something that looks like a lion and kick it in the ass.”
― James Alan Gardner, Expendable

“You clutch your comfortable excuses, saying, Someday I'll be brave, it won't take a lot, just give me one more chance and this time I'll grab it. .”
― James Alan Gardner

“I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“We're ruthless bastards and we always play dirty.”
― James Alan Gardner, Trapped

“That's the first rule of command; be consistent! You can be sadistic, you can be lazy, you can be stupid, but if you're consistent the crew will still let you sit in when they play dominoes.”
― James Alan Gardner

“Given time, a ship's crew will attach sexual innuendo to anything. It makes their jobs more exciting.”
― James Alan Gardner, Expendable

“The council is a place where everyone schemes against everyone else, and people talk incessantly about Power with a capital "Pow".”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“That must be the chief reason to become sergeant; so you can assign yourself to monitor the most beautiful security risk.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“Don't be such a party-pooper, missy --when you're well and truly screwed, either you just sit pissing yourself or you invent some reason to hope.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“My home is in Banff, Alberta, up in the Rockies. Waterloo is two time zones east, nine hundred kilometers farther south, and more than a thousand meters closer to sea level. Compared to Banff, Waterloo winters were piddly wee puppies that could give you tiny nips, but only if you let them. Albertans refuse to admit that Ontario ever gets cold.”
― James Alan Gardner, All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault

“Fate does not invite ugly boring people to save the world; and if you do try to save the world (without being beautiful, strong, clever, or wise), you will soon die pointlessly and how much adventure is there in that?”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“The Efficacy of Trisulphozymase for Preventing SA Incompatibility Reactions in Births of Mixed-Blood Parentage:”
― James Alan Gardner, Gravity Wells: Speculative Fiction Stories

“That is the nature of Science—it is often confusing and terrible, but you must pretend you are not troubled or else Science People will call you names.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“It was graffiti tagging for rich people, except they used plaques instead of spray paint.”
― James Alan Gardner, All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault

“However, Science People like to believe in laws, even when such laws can be circumvented by their own Science. They become most displeased if you suggest it would be more accurate to speak of the Generally Good Idea Of Gravity or the Three Useful Guidelines Of Thermodynamics.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“My dear Ninety-Nine,' Aria said, 'paranoia is our friend. Paranoia is our sunscreen, our condom, our duct tape. Paranoia tells the nine times out of ten, and the tenth time is when you weren't paranoid enough. We will never correctly anticipate what flavour of shit will hit the fan, but we can calculate the trajectory and attempt to avoid the splatter.”
― James Alan Gardner, All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault

“A cape?" CeeCee said. "What kind of a moron wears a cape? Oh, &%$#!”
― James Alan Gardner, All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault

“I am but mad north-north-west. When the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”
― James Alan Gardner, Expendable

“Politeness is the enemy of both Art and Criticism. It tries to color true perception, dilute strong emotion, and replace genuine compassion. To pursue bad manners is childish, to pursue good ones is emasculation.”
― James Alan Gardner, Gravity Wells: Speculative Fiction Stories

“When CEOs become vampires, Congress outlaws stakes.”
― James Alan Gardner, All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault

“When it crosses my mind to do something, I don’t ask why, I ask why not. And usually there’s no reason not to, so I just go ahead.” He paused, then added,”
― James Alan Gardner, The League of Peoples Books 1–3: Expendable, Commitment Hour, and Vigilant