Assholery Quotes

“It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.”
― Alexei Maxim Russell, Alexei Maxim Russell's Field Guide to Assholes

“If a man tells you he's an asshole & that you deserve better, believe him...it's a warning. It's best you listen before he proves it to you.”
― April Mae Monterrosa

“I don't believe in karma, but I believe there are things that can happen that very specifically force you to understand what an asshole you were.”
― Allie Brosh, Solutions and Other Problems

“When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.

* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian.”
― Etienne Guerin DeForest, The Zombie Survival Guide: How to Live Like a King After the Outbreak

“I’m alive; I’m not gonna try eating your ass, okay? Don’t shoot!”

“What… Eat my ASS?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
― Etienne Guerin DeForest, Texas Biker Zombies From Outer Space

“I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional.”
― James Alan Gardner, Ascending

“Culpable obtuseness. He should know better. That's one reason why we don't use the a-word, for example, of little children. They can merit the s-word, because there's a malignity that's innate in little kids sometimes, but you can't merit the a-word until you're old enough so that you ought to know better.”
― Geoffrey Nunberg

“I am fully aware that when it comes to assholes, I have a special magnet, but I didn't think my radar was that far off.”
― Demetra Georgiou

“Hauling a deep, make-me-feel-sexy breath, she
pinned on what she hoped was a coquettish smile, turned as smoothly as her bulky gown allowed, and found her previously pleasure-filled sightline newly blocked by sixfoot- and-change of home-grown Texas assholery.

This particular example happened to have thick, wavy
hair as dark as his heart, deep, soulful eyes as blue as the garter still circling her thigh, and a face that made angels weep. Probably after he’d screwed them senseless, knocked them up, and abandoned them with a wink and a smile.”
― Kate Meader, One Week to Score

“Barbara De Fina said that Irwin Winkler was, and has been, “nothing but nasty” to her. She told the story of a party that Winkler and his wife, Margo, attended; on seeing Barbara, Margo said, “The two producers are here,” and Winkler responded with words to the effect that there was only one producer. (De Fina retains affection for Margo, whom she calls “lovely.”)”
― Glenn Kenny, Made Men: The Story of Goodfellas