Bizarro Quotes

“For the first time, I smelled her. I can't describe the smell. Flowery, yet somehow musty, like a beautiful woman with the soul of an old book.”
― Caris O'Malley, The Egg Said Nothing

“She whipped her tentacles away from his fingers decapitating the dead lobster-dog and its body fell from the ceiling fan.”
― Athena Villaverde

“FIESTA OR DEATH!!!”
― Vince Kramer, Gigantic Death Worm

“I’m alive; I’m not gonna try eating your ass, okay? Don’t shoot!”

“What… Eat my ASS?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
― Etienne Guerin DeForest, Texas Biker Zombies From Outer Space

“ My thinking-of-kitties smile!”
― Carlton Mellick III, The Menstruating Mall

“The girl slid into the back seat of the town car, tugging at the hem of her dress like she was afraid she might leave a stain on the upholstery.”
― John McNee, Grudge Punk

“Tell me I can marry Anne Frank's skeleton.”
― Cameron Pierce, Die You Doughnut Bastards

“TERROR MAN. TERROR FACE. TERROR CLOWN. TERROR CHILD. TERROR MAN. TERROR FACE. TERROR CLOWN. TERROR CHILD.”
― Douglas Hackle, Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 4

“A hobo walks by in a suit made of today's newspaper. A guy chases him, shouting. "Wait! I haven't read the business section yet!"
Oh, the economic news. The most honest, trustworthy, freshest goods you can get—apart from ripe fish. With its gorgeous headlines it shakes out the mirror’s lost reflections: The fountains are lobbying for more water in this pyromaniac city. Buses with electric chairs are running through the streets. Passengers ask for tickets to Heaven, then take their seats. Eyeballs jump out of their smoking skulls. "No littering in the vehicle!" growls the driver, adjusting the hat on his horns.”
― Zoltán Komor, Flamingos in the Ashtray: 25 Bizarro Short Stories

“Stuey was in heaven, but he wished that he were in hell.”
― Magnus Wilton, Pomegranate Juice: Sacrilegious Tales of Dark Abrahamic Horror

“The day Mother Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? killed Father The Outlaw Josey Wales, they were arguing again about the Pre-Reddening game of Major League Baseball.”
― Nick DiChario, Valley of Day-Glo

“A flat screen television lowered into view. It showed an animated Islamic documentary that focused mostly on the importance of wearing the proper attire. The final prophet was quoted often, yet absent from the feature.
“If this Mohammed guy is so great, why wouldn’t they put him in the cartoon?” Kira wondered.”
― Magnus Wilton, Pomegranate Juice: Sacrilegious Tales of Dark Abrahamic Horror

“Who's the boss?

TONY DANZA, YOU PRICK!”
― Patrick Wensink, Broken Piano for President

“Without a god to judge him, sucking a Crocoduck was not a sin, but a celebration of life.”
― Mandy De Sandra, Kirk Cameron & The Crocoduck of Chaos Magick

“I wish we were the kind of addicts from movies, the kind with guns!”
― Peter Stenson

“Whoever thought gelatin-based gummy candies could be so incredibly erotic?”
― Gerri R. Gray, The Strange Adventures of Turquoise Moonwolf

“There’s radiation in the walls of our apartment building, at least that’s what Buzz tells me.”
― William Pauley III, The Tower

“The radiation from the walls continues to soak into our skin, and we glow happily and beautifully until the moment we all step down into our graves.”
― William Pauley III, The Tower

“How curious is this home, our tower?”
― William Pauley III, The Tower

“Grown men who insist on wearing water shoes to the grocery store deserve all the ridicule which is heaped upon them”
― James Brown

“You made us into bottom feeders, and you want us to stay bottom feeders.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Crab Town