Chris Matheson > Quotes

“Existing outside time and space, as God obviously did, he had a perfect understanding of human illness. With regard to leprosy, God advised Moses that the best treatment was to kill a bird and sprinkle its blood on the leper. (Lev. 14:5–7)”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“Lot tried to calm the mob by offering them his two virgin daughters for what would much later be crudely referred to as a “gangbang.” (Gen. 19:8)”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“Even after God’s astonishing “Five point plan” to quell the rebellion: (1) Appear as a cloud and cause old men to speak gibberish; (2) Blow bad birdmeat into camp to poison people; (3) Use the Amalekites to kick his people’s asses; (4) Open the earth to swallow rebel leaders and their families; (5) Fireblast two hundred others—the griping continued. The people still complained about Moses’ leadership,”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the reaper.”
― Chris Matheson

“Money for a creative person was freedom, Dad said. Therefore, to try to impress people with the car you drove or the clothes you wore or the restaurant you ate at was ridiculous; rather, focus on the freedom to create.”
― Chris Matheson, Conversations with the Father: A Memoir about Richard Matheson, My Dad and God

“I made him in my likeness and he has bad character. It makes no sense.” God muttered to himself.”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love [and Hate]

“I still don’t understand why the Old Man created women. Why not create a reality where there were only males, which he so obviously preferred? I’m not totally sure, but my belief is that God had a powerful “feminine” side that needed to be expressed. He was terribly uncomfortable with it—scared of being homosexual, I suppose, though why that scared him I still don’t know. But the way the Old Man treated Eve was unkind. The poor creature had just been yanked into existence, fully formed, an adult, given no time to grow up, and was now facing her creator—who seemed to dislike her. How can I help her, I instantly wondered?”
― Chris Matheson, Satan's Story: A Postscript to the Story of God