J.A. Konrath > Quotes

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.”
― J. A. Konrath

“If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.”
― Joe Konrath

“Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.”
― J. A. Konrath

“We don't know the Devil's side of the story, because God wrote all the books.”
― J.A. Konrath, Origin

“Sorry to hear about your Dad."
He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him."
"Heart attack?"
"He was hit by a Pizza Express truck.”
― J.A. Konrath, Whiskey Sour

“Some people are born with a fire inside them. The will to succeed. It isn’t a learned behavior. It’s just some unknown biological factor that makes them try harder.”
― J.A. Konrath, The List

“Then I tug the toaster from the wall and swing the appliance around my head like a lasso. I'm not aiming to knock her out. I'm aiming to knock off her fucking head.”
― J.A. Konrath, Fuzzy Navel

“There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.”
― Joe Konrath

“Back in August, I wrote a post about the supposed race to the bottom with ebooks, refuting some nonsense written by an establishment bonehead.

This meme won't die. People are still convinced that new ebooks are going to be priced at ten cents, and writers will starve, and this will cause a second Great Depression where banks will close and people will be forced to buy Kindles with food stamps, and then the earth will enter another ice age where all the bunnies will freeze to death.”
― J.A. Konrath

“Fate is a future you didn't try hard enough to change.”
― Joe Konrath

“I wish I was like that. More carefree."

"Anyone can be. People aren't carved out of marble. We're all works in progress. The trick is to define ourselves, rather than let outside influences define us.”
― J.A. Konrath, Whiskey Sour

“I’ve got issues?” “You’ve got a whole subscription.”
― J.A. Konrath, The List

“I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I’m okay in that respect.” “Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals.”
― J.A. Konrath, The List

“You know, you remind me of my younger brother. I miss that kid, so much that I sometimes regret killing him.”
― J.A. Konrath

“Mark Twain once said that true bravery isn’t the absence of fear, but the ability to act in the face of fear.”
― J.A. Konrath, Shaken

“Chico was a small-time hustler and big-time loser who liked to bet the ponies and hit women. He was more successful at the latter.”
― J.A. Konrath, Shot of Tequila

“I try not to watch the news. Too depressing.”
― J.A. Konrath, Rusty Nail

“But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God.”
“Why would that anger God?”
“This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn’t you ever read Job?”
― J.A. Konrath, Wolfsbane and Mistletoe

“The most important job anyone can ever have is being a mother.”
― J.A. Konrath, Fuzzy Navel

“There's a word for an author who doesn't give up... published.”
― Joe Konrath

“Some people are naturally brave. Others, like me, learn to fake it. I still had no idea if faked bravery and real bravery were the same thing.”
― J.A. Konrath, Jack Daniels Boxset, #4-6

“Frank,” Andy said slowly, “I don’t think the hellspawn wants to play checkers with you.”
― J.A. Konrath, Origin

“Don't prioritize the mundane.”
― J.A. Konrath

“She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.
“Where did you learn how to shoot?” he asked.
“I teach high school.”
― J.A. Konrath, Wolfsbane and Mistletoe

“Writers are essential. Readers are essential. Publishers are not.”
― Joe Konrath

“Like people would ever want to read books on an electronic screen.”
― J.A. Konrath

“You can’t let the uncertainty of tomorrow interfere with the joy of today,”
― J.A. Konrath, Jack Daniels Boxset, #1-3

“While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn’t one of them. You’re probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.”
― J.A. Konrath, Wolfsbane and Mistletoe

“Success means nothing unless you have someone to share it with.”
― J.A. Konrath, Shaken

“Personally, I wouldn’t mind Alzheimer’s. You buy one magazine, and you’re entertained for the rest of your life.”
― J.A. Konrath, Dirty Martini