Mat Waugh > Quotes

“I am green, I can be served, but not eaten. What am I? A tennis ball!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“What's purple and five thousand miles long? The Grape Wall of China.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“am green, I can be served, but not eaten. What am I? A tennis ball!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Why did the silly scientist remove his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell peace prize.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“(This tongue twister is disgusting!) The fat farmer’s five filthy fingers fed the ferocious ferret french fries.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“was broken!”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“people”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“One bakes the bread, the other breaks the bed.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Mill”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 7 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“thup.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“computer”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“should”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 6 Year Old Should Know!: Bucketloads of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Why are garbage collectors so miserable? Because they're always down in the dumps.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“What do you call a close relative who keeps getting expelled from school? Your first cousin twice removed.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Hive! Hive who? Hive forgotten my key, now let me in! What do you call a scary dog? PETrifying! What is the beekeeper’s motto? Bee prepared! What’s the loudest sound at a birdwatchers’ picnic? Swallows! What do you call cows in the wrong field? Miss-herd!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“A chill pill.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Why should idiots keep hairdryers away from their ears? Because they’ll blow their mind! What do you call a theme park for kittens? A mews-ment park! Why are chickens so rude? Because they’re all fowl-mouthed! What do you call a cow for sale? Afford-a-bull! What do you call a cow with plastic horns? Like-a-bull! Who are the most patient people in the world? Queue-waitees!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“POTTY”
― Mat Waugh, Cheeky Charlie: Out Of Bounds

“done”
― Mat Waugh, Cheeky Charlie: He Didn't Mean It

“An ant-eek!”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 7 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo! (From Ella, Shenfield)”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“When you’ve been taught by herbivore! How do you take a picture of someone’s shoes? Select foot or-toe-focus! Why did the girl visit the fancy dress shop? Because she’d heard that’s where the bigwigs hang out! Why can’t greyhounds concentrate in meetings? By the time you ask them a question they’re miles away!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“What do you throw for a dog in the dark?”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“Toasters are great. They’re the best invention since sliced bread!”
― Mat Waugh, More Awesome Jokes Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Fully charged with oodles of fresh and fabulous funnies!

“Tooth-hurty.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“poo!”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“I tried to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 9 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“Climb a tree and pretend”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 7 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters

“What’s big and yellow and arrives every morning to brighten your mom’s day? The school bus.”
― Mat Waugh, Awesome Jokes That Every 8 Year Old Should Know!: Hundreds of rib ticklers, tongue twisters and side splitters