Lee M. Winter > Quotes

“On the weekend, I accidently ate cabbage. It all started when Ma plonked a steaming, slimy pile of it on my dinner plate. I looked at it. I looked at Ma. Ma looked at me. I said, “What do you expect me to do with this?”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“As I sailed down the road people began screaming to get away. You know, from the vomit. I realised that this vomiting caper was almost like having a super power. Maybe I could get people to do what I wanted or threaten to drown them in vomit. I could rule the world! Or, even better, I could steer my raft to McDonalds and demand a year’s supply of free cheese burgers or I’d fill the drive-thru with vomit!”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“How I Accidently Ate Cabbage On the weekend, I accidently ate cabbage. It all started when Ma plonked a steaming, slimy pile of it on my dinner plate. I looked at it. I looked at Ma. Ma looked at me. I said, “What do you expect me to do with this?” She said, “Eat it.” I said, “But you know I don’t eat cabbage.” She said, “You’re old enough now to eat cabbage, Reggie.” I said, “Nobody ever in the history of the universe has been old enough to eat cabbage.” She said, “Eat it.” I said, “No.” “Eat it.” “No.” “Eat it.” “No.” “Eat it or you don’t get any ice-cream.” “That’s fine. I don’t even like ice-cream.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Josh was known to enjoy baked beans for breakfast. And with a belly full of baked beans, he was capable of producing volleys of noxious farts”
― Lee M. Winter, The Epic Santa Chase: An Angus Adams Christmas Short Story

“On the weekend my friend, Jimmy, invited me over to his place to see his fart collection.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“What Reggie Did on the Weekend Seriously!”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“that tape-measure and leave you here with the squashed meatball.” I thought she was joking so I measured her butt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend I made up some cool sounding superhero names. Just in case I ever need one. I have to say, it was quite difficult because, you know, it’s important to get just the right tone. Here they are: Farty McFart Pants Stinky McFarter Captain Fart-a-lot The Fartinator”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Make cabbage illegal (anyone caught growing, cooking, or eating cabbage will be sent straight to prison). Make ice-cream free (duh!) Make it the law that bread must be baked without crusts. Ban school. (This could be going too far. I might decide that school can be taught on Wednesdays. Wednesday mornings. I’ll think about it.) Make the 25th of every month Christmas Day (or just Lots of Presents for Kids Day if you don’t do Christmas). Make it the law that parents have to take kids to Disneyland at least twice a year, (more if they want to). Order all the scientists to work out why you can’t tickle yourself and what the purpose of snot is. Make showering optional. For me. If I decide that you stink, then you must shower. Change dinner time around so that dessert has to be eaten first. Ban all lumps from yoghurt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Ma stood up and I tried to measure her butt and she said “Try it and I’ll tie you up with that tape-measure and leave you here with the squashed meatball.” I thought she was joking so I measured her butt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“So, obviously, the first thing I need to do is have some way of making everybody in the world do as I say. A supersonic ray gun should do the trick. I sat and thought about this for a while and realised I had one major problem. I don’t know how to build a supersonic ray gun.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“again at 4am I blitzed the cabbage until it was individual molecules and I baked the molecules of cabbage into my double choc chip muffins…and ahahahahahahah…you can’t taste the cabbage Reggie you’re eating cabbage!! I win! I win! I haven’t had any sleep but I WIN!! Ahahahahahahah!!” Dad, Jon, Ron, Don, Lon, and Con all tried to calm her down but nothing worked. She kept cackling and dancing. When Dad threw a bucket of cold water over her and that still didn’t work he went to the phone”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I have to say, it was quite difficult because, you know, it’s important to get just the right tone. Here they are: Farty McFart Pants Stinky McFarter Captain Fart-a-lot The Fartinator The Vominator The Snotinator (he has a gun called the Booger Blaster) Captain Poop-a-lot Captain Booger Butt”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I took the bucket off my head. I looked at the carriage. The baby was NOT sitting in the carriage watching me. The baby was GONE. I looked under all the bushes, and up the tree, but I couldn’t find the baby. I’d lost the baby. Losing a baby is bad. I panicked. I ran inside and took a potato from the kitchen. From under my bed I scooped up lots of fluff and dust bunnies and stuck them to the top of the potato with my glue stick. I drew a face on the potato. I ran outside and put the potato-baby in the carriage. Maybe Mrs Whitman wouldn’t notice that it wasn’t her baby.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“rule the world! Or, even better, I could steer my raft to McDonalds and demand a year’s supply of free cheese burgers”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“So once we have the supersonic fart gun and everybody in the world is doing what I tell them, it will be time to make some changes. Here’s my list of changes (it’s only a rough draft at this stage): Make cabbage illegal (anyone caught growing, cooking, or eating cabbage will be sent straight to prison). Make ice-cream free (duh!) Make it the law that bread must be baked without crusts. Ban school. (This could be going too far. I might decide that school can be taught on Wednesdays. Wednesday mornings. I’ll think about it.) Make the 25th of every month Christmas Day (or just Lots of Presents for Kids Day if you don’t do Christmas). Make it the law that parents have to take kids to Disneyland at least twice a year, (more if they want to). Order all the scientists to work out why you can’t tickle yourself and what the purpose of snot is. Make showering optional. For me. If I decide that you stink, then you must shower. Change dinner time around so that dessert has to be eaten first. Ban all lumps from yoghurt. Actually, ban lumps from everything. Lumps are unnecessary. Nothing was ever made better with lumps. Ban the word ‘lump’. That’s all I’ve got so far.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“He hated his bedroom, he hated his swing set, he hated his trampoline, and he hated his bike.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I really hate that Luke,”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“It’s okay. And clearly you’re not the thief either or you’d hardly be hunting for the real one.” “I just want to clear my name.” “Understandable.” Mr Jackson applied the Band-Aid to his knee. On the desk, Angus noticed a second photo. Mr Jackson with his arm around a little girl. Five or six years old, maybe. “Who’s she?” he asked, indicating the picture. “My daughter. She died.” “I’m sorry,” he said again, not knowing what else to say. “She was in hospital for a long time. The staff were good to her.” Neither of them said anything for a time. “Look,” continued Mr Jackson, finally, “I think it’s great that you and your friend are trying to find the thief. But you have to be realistic about your chances. And you definitely don’t want to be going into any school rooms without permission like you did the other day or you will end up in even more trouble.” “Okay,” Angus said, standing up. “Just a thought,” said Mr Jackson, “but if you’re serious about finding the culprit, I’d look closer to home.” “Closer to home?” Angus didn’t understand. “The phone was found in your tidy tray, right?” “Yes, but—” Angus couldn’t finish as Mr Jackson’s own”
― Lee M. Winter, Angus Adams: The Adventures of a Free-range Kid

“I looked under all the bushes, and up the tree, but I couldn’t find the baby. I’d lost the baby. Losing a baby is bad. I panicked. I ran inside and took a potato from the kitchen. From under my bed I scooped up lots of fluff and dust bunnies and stuck them to the top of the potato with my glue stick. I drew a face on the potato. I ran outside and put the potato-baby in the carriage. Maybe Mrs Whitman wouldn’t notice that it wasn’t her baby.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“virtual”
― Lee M. Winter, The Epic Santa Chase: An Angus Adams Christmas Short Story

“picked my nose.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend 2: Unfair!

“I have my soccer finals coming up, Minecraft takes up a lot of my time…there’s this tree in the backyard that I like to hang upside down in, and, well, let’s just say I’m busy.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“With Jimmy’s collection we would have an almost endless supply of farts so that part was taken care”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Dad, Jon, Ron, Don, Lon, and Con all tried to calm her down but nothing worked. She kept cackling and dancing. When Dad threw a bucket of cold water over her and that still didn’t work he went to the phone and called someone. Two men in white coats came, put Ma on a stretcher and carried her from the house. She was still cackling as they drove away. I ate six more muffins. She was right. You really couldn’t taste the cabbage.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend I looked after a baby. I didn’t do a very good job and the baby was eaten by a goat. Okay, not quite. This is what happened. The baby belonged to Ma’s friend, Mrs Whitman. Mrs Whitman and the baby came to our house to visit. I wanted to play outside so Mrs Whitman said the baby could stay outside with me while she had coffee inside with Ma.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Eventually, he decided to stay in his house where there were fewer things to hate. This was okay for a while but then some noisy neighbours moved in. Guess what? He hated them. In fact, he hated everyone he ever met, so he packed his things and moved far way to a house on a cliff by the seaside where there were hardly any other people to hate. Every day he sat on the cliff, watching the ocean and trying not to hate it. A little girl lived nearby and saw the man sitting by himself every day. She thought he must be lonely and felt sorry for him so she decided to make him a special present. She planted a geranium seed in a pot and watered it and loved it every day for six weeks. As the geranium plant grew, she spoke to it in a kind voice. She told it all about the lonely man who sat everyday on the cliff. When the geranium plant grew a beautiful pink flower, the girl carefully wrapped the pot in soft pink tissue paper. She carried it up to the cliff-top and, smiling shyly, gave it to the man. He hated it and threw it off the cliff. The girl ran home, crying. The end (Well, what did you expect? I told you at the start that he wasn’t”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Superhero Names On the weekend I made up some cool sounding superhero names. Just in case I ever need one. I have to say, it was quite difficult because, you know, it’s important to get just the right tone. Here they are: Farty McFart Pants Stinky McFarter Captain Fart-a-lot The Fartinator The Vominator The Snotinator (he has a gun called the Booger Blaster) Captain Poop-a-lot Captain Booger Butt”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I didn’t know what to do so I put a bucket over my head. The baby stopped screaming. I took the bucket off my head. I looked at the carriage. The baby was NOT sitting in the carriage watching me. The baby was GONE.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend my friend, Jimmy, invited me over to his place to see his fart collection. I’d never seen a fart collection before so I thought, why not? I didn’t even know how a person collected farts, although it wasn’t a bad idea. My dad is always saying you should keep everything because you never know when you’ll need it again. Jimmy took me to his bedroom. Against one wall was a set of shelves. On the shelves were jars. I said to Jimmy, “Where are the farts?”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!