MaryJanice Davidson > Quotes

“It's inappropriate for the queen of the dead to be afraid of
ghosts.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unemployed

“You have attained maturity; display it for us, if you please.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Swimming Without a Net

“Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Me, Myself and Why?

“I'm the wife of a king, and the mother of kings. And I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. So fuck off, Jack.- Queen Christina (The Royal Treatment)”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like
politicians.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“He said my name the way diabetics talked about hot fudge sundaes.”
― Mary Janice Davidson

“Never let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around).”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unfinished

“I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Take your hands off her, Sinclair told the guy behind me, Or they'll write books about what I'll do to you.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Uneasy

“I—I adore you, too. Well, I don't know if I adore you. That's not really the word I'd use. But I—I—" I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! "I love you."
"Of course you do," he said, totally unsurprised.
"WHAT? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you're all, 'Yeah, I already got that memo'? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it's so hard to tell you things! I take it back.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“He snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy."
"Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“They weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unworthy

“Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"

"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Sleeping with the Fishes

“Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Did vampirism encourage Stockholm syndrome?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Sleeping with the Fishes

“I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular

“Elizabeth Anne Taylor
April 25, 1974 - April 25, 2004
Our Sweetheart, Only resting”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unreturnable

“It's nice to see you again, Laura."

"Thank you, Mrs. T-"

"No, no, no. Please, my name is-"

"Mud," I suggested. "Mud Barfbag Taylor. Call her Asshat for short."

~Laura, Antonia, Betsy”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unfinished

“I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Darling, I have a penis. Ergo I have no preferences.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unreturnable

“Sinclair doesn't love your sister."
"Not yet." I said darkly. "Give him time."
"Look, I'm sure he's interested in her—"
"Wait till you see her. Just wait."
"Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?"
"What a horrifying mental image.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“George you were very very bad to run away from Alice. Very bad But you were very good to stomp Sinclair when he was being a dick so I think we'll call this a wash.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed