Laura Raskin > Quotes

“Good Communication When a couple has good communication skills, there is no fear. You can express your feelings without fear of emotional or physical violence. You can even disagree and fight, without fearing that your partner will play dirty or stop loving you. Both members of the relationship are able to clearly and directly express their feelings, and don’t avoid the tough conversations. Of course, even healthy relationships aren’t perfect, and communication can’t always be good, but it’s definitely more positive than negative.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Tangible Actions ● Keep a journal Taking a little time every day to journal is a fantastic way to get in touch with your feelings. At the beginning of each day, write down at least one thing that you like about yourself. Imagine that you’re facing yourself, and have to come up with a compliment.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Fun Never underestimate the importance of fun. A couple in a good relationship is able to have a blast with each other. Whether it’s just hanging out at home or going out, a happy couple will enjoy being in each other’s company. You make each other laugh and always feel comfortable in each other’s presence. Sex is not a source of stress or danger, and you can be lighthearted and goofy.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Trust Trust is the building block of a good relationship. When you trust your partner, you are comfortable with them having their own life. You don’t worry about infidelity or lies. When they tell you where they’re going, you believe them. You are secure about their love and commitment to you, their handling of finances, and all the other “big life stuff.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Time Apart A healthy couple is able to spend time apart. In fact, time apart is a critical part of the relationship.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Habit Elimination ● Cut out toxic people What friends or family are always reaffirming negative thoughts you have about yourself? They gotta go. It’s simpler (though not necessarily easier) to cut out toxic friends than family, so if you have family members who always put you down, commit to spending less time with them. You don’t have to give excuses or explain yourself.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“What does a healthy relationship look like? For many codependent people, they’ve never really had a truly healthy relationship, so they don’t even know what to look for. Here are the essentials:”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“You’re both actually able to use the time apart to really focus on your own desires and needs, and recharge. This makes the relationship stronger and healthier.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Thought training is all about setting goals, changing your perceptions, and committing to the journey. This makes up the base for the other techniques, and are principles you will constantly return to. No one ever really “masters” these; they’ll always be at the back of your mind. Tangible actions are the concrete steps you take to build self-esteem. This book has already listed actions that each type of codependent can do, but there are always more that are useful. Habit elimination is often the trickiest part of learning to love yourself, because it’s much harder to break a habit than to add a new one to your routine, but it’s just as important. Let’s get started:”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Start paying attention to your daily thoughts It’s easy to just live your life on automatic, without paying attention to what’s going on inside your head. In order to break free from codependency, you have to start listening to your inner voices, or, the thoughts that follow you throughout the day. Are your thoughts mostly negative and telling you that you aren’t lovable? Are they fearful? By paying closer attention to your thoughts  throughout the day, you are gaining insight into what makes you tick and why you act the way you do. Once you identify the tone of the thoughts that make up your day, you can start to unravel their effect on your actions.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Try self-affirmation mantras These are like gold nuggets of positivity that counter any negative thoughts that pop up during the day. You can even write them down and carry around index cards, so if you find yourself slipping into self-loathing, pull a card out and read it to yourself. Buy a whiteboard and write down quotes, so the first thing you see in the morning is something positive. You can also start a quote book of your favorite sayings and spend time reading through them all.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Have fun Codependents have very stressful lives, so just having fun and relaxing can work wonders. Spend time with people who make you laugh. There really aren’t any rules; just do what sets you at ease and doesn’t bring you stress.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“By seeking therapy, paying attention to your thoughts, and avoiding people who reaffirm negative beliefs, you are well on your way to truly loving yourself. You are worthy. You are valuable. It’s time to start believing.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Self-care In a healthy relationship, both members practice good self-care. You understand that being healthy on your own is a crucial part of having a healthy relationship. You love yourself, have confidence, and are able to take time to focus on you, without being sabotaged by self-guilt. Self-care involves both physical, mental, and spiritual needs. Go to the doctor. Take mental health days. Take prescribed medications. Eat healthy. Exercise. Pray. Lie in the sun like a cat. Whatever fuels you and gives you rest, that’s self-care.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Thought Training ● Be honest with yourself The first step to change is realizing that you actually need to change. Be honest with yourself about your life and your codependency. Ask yourself the hard questions, like, “Am I happy in this relationship?” “Do I love myself?” and “Am I willing to focus on my own needs?” Starting to be open with yourself trains you to be vulnerable, which is something you will have to be with your partner in order to achieve happiness. Asking tough questions also trains your mind to really focus inward and figure out your desires.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Forgiveness Forgiveness is crucial in a relationship. No one is perfect, and both you and your partner will make mistakes and hurt each other. Instead of harboring grudges and resentment, a strong couple will exercise mercy and forgiveness. This isn’t the same as letting your partner “get away” with something. There’s genuine regret and genuine grace.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Honesty/Vulnerability Like good communication, being honest and vulnerable with your partner comes without fear. You never feel threatened or afraid to speak your mind with your partner, even when you are disagreeing about something. You’re able to share secrets, admit mistakes, and have tough conversations without fear of violence or emotional manipulation. You’re also able to be yourself - warts and all - without feeling judged.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Do things that are good for your body Your physical health is closely-connected to your mental state, so taking care of your body will make a big impact on your mind.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Respect Respect and trust go hand-in-hand. You can’t trust someone unless you respect them, and you can’t respect someone unless you trust them. When there’s respect in your relationship, you make important decisions together. Neither one of you is constantly questioning the other, because you respect their choices.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Get help Depending on how severe your codependency is, the best tangible action you can take is to get help. This means therapy. A good therapist will never judge you, they’ll help you set goals, and you’ll feel comfortable sharing anything with them. Sometimes it takes a little while to find the therapist that’s right for you, but it’s totally worth it.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Support You have dreams and goals. So does your partner. You both support each other and truly want the other to be happy and fulfilled. Whether this means moving for a job, taking over chores, or just being there with a hot cup of coffee late at night, you’re always there for each other. You don’t feel like you need to downplay your successes, or like you’re in a competition with each other.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Commit to forgiving yourself This process isn’t going to be easy. You will have relapses and times when you want to give up. Right now, commit to being merciful with yourself. Forgive yourself for every bad decision you’ve made in the past and every bad decision you’ll make in the future. Self-loathing is based in the refusal to forgive, so by letting go of the need to judge and condemn yourself, you’re on the road to healing.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“There are three “categories” of techniques: thought training, tangible actions, and habit elimination.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More

“Cut out self-destructive coping techniques What have you always done to cope with negative feelings? Do you drink? Eat? Sulk? Complain about yourself and your partner to friends? That needs to stop in order for you to move forward.”
― Laura Raskin, Codependency: The End of Codependency: How to Stop Controlling and Enabling Others, Love Yourself, Have Happy Relationships, and be Codependent No More