J.H. Simon > Quotes

“Inside all of us is a power which wants to expand and improve. This force gives us grand images of being bigger and better than we currently are. It’s not there by accident; life has an agenda. It wants to evolve.”
― J.H. Simon, How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

“Narcissists aim to crush our self-esteem by turning our shame against us.”
― J.H. Simon, Narcissism To Rebirth: The Complete Guide To Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse

“Instead, the narcissist uses the five forces against their target to forge power in their favour as they try to appear larger than life.”
― J.H. Simon, Narcissism To Rebirth: The Complete Guide To Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse

“Judgement: It makes you feel small and defective, as though there were something you need to fix, compelling you to prove yourself worthy of the narcissist’s presence. Tension: It creates a cold, enclosed void and waits for you to fill it, putting you under pressure to reveal more vulnerable parts of yourself to ‘please’ the narcissist. Magnetism: It weakens your resolve, making you feel you have no choice but to engage the narcissist.”
― J.H. Simon, Narcissism To Rebirth: The Complete Guide To Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse

“Binding this process together are the opposing life and death instincts. Using the tree as an analogy, we see that humans are bound to this same process of development. We too must be supported by a source of nurture, must have a higher state to aspire towards, and so long as we are alive, must direct our life energy toward a creative purpose which contributes to our world. If any of these three elements are missing, we fall into ill health and despair.”
― J.H. Simon, Narcissism To Rebirth: The Complete Guide To Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse

“However, life does not always go to plan. The development of the Self, like any process, can be disrupted and grow dysfunctional. It is here that narcissism often evolves to compensate, spreading like a virus which infects all levels of society. PART II: THE AGE OF NARCISSISM”
― J.H. Simon, Narcissism To Rebirth: The Complete Guide To Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse

“The only way shame is harmful is when it is irredeemable. Not measuring up but having the chance to improve or change is life affirming, being placed in an endless loop of not being good enough is life crushing. There is great despair in feeling like you will never measure up. The hope of measuring up is how life spurs us into growth. That is life’s intention; like two rugby teams, our grandeur should push up against our shame and maintain the pressure, claiming more and more ground, until it reaches the goal - or until we accept and make peace with our limitations.”
― J.H. Simon, How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

“This deafening, blinding emotional system makes it hard to see out into the world.”
― J.H. Simon, How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

“to them instead. This role reversal is the core of a narcissist-child relationship, which leads to arrested development in the child and grooms them to be more susceptible to narcissism. The child grows up believing that relationships are about playing their role and adapting to the needs of others. It’s one of the greatest lies told to some children; that dependence is a fact of life and that it never ends. This lie can continue throughout adulthood.”
― J.H. Simon, How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

“Write a feeling journal: As you write, don’t just rehash what happened during the day. Focus inside on your emotions, and simultaneously decide what to write about. Notice the emotion and then give it shape. Describe what it might look like if it was an object. Journalling is a great”
― J.H. Simon, How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse