John Rain > Quotes

“He makes a run for it and Bond follows, giving us one of the greatest moments in cinema history. During the editing of this sequence, a shot was required of Bond peering from behind a rock as Fekkesh makes his escape from Jaws. The problem was that they’d not filmed it, so director Lewis Gilbert asked the art department to help solve the problem. They sourced a photo of Roger that suited their needs then blew it up to size, created a painting of him leaning against a rock and inserted it into the shot. Problem solved. For many, many years I didn’t notice it was there, but once it’s noticed, it’s all you can see – and the same goes for the audience watching the pyramid show as Bond makes his way to his seat – look closely and you’ll notice they are all a painting, too. Movie magic.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“The Minister demands to know what he is doing, and Q, checking the radar and not looking at the screen, answers that he’s ‘attempting re-entry, sir’. M sits back in his seat, shaking his head to himself. This is it, this is the fucking limit, in front of the Queen, Bond, for fuck’s sake.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“As Bond struggles with Largo, the accelerator is pushed to maximum, and the boat, judging by the back projection, begins to travel at around 14,000,000mph.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“At this point one might question why the mask, costume and actual murder were necessary. You can just about justify the tux, and the mask at a push, but the murder seems a bit OTT.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“high-speed barrel-roll, executed to perfection by the splendidly named Loren ‘Bumps’ Willard and landed on a dime. However, the filmmakers decided that that there was something missing: a fucking awful slide whistle.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Bond sees M as the father he never had; M sees Bond as the son he’s glad he never had.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Wade suggests Bond finish ‘debriefing’ Natalya back at Guantanamo, which suggests that, rather than sex, she’s in for a night of waterboarding, audio torture and electrocution.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Felix tells Bond they didn’t catch Goldfinger, but Pussy called Washington to tell them the whole plan and switched the gas in the canisters. Quite why, we’ll never know. We’re probably supposed to assume it’s thanks to the magic of Bond’s penis.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“A great lost scene is 007 on the toilet waiting for ‘Scaramanga’s revenge’ to make its way through his digestive system.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Bond leaps to his feet and so begins one of the greatest close-quarters combat scenes in Bond history. In an age where fighting in films was very much depicted as drunken scuffling, Bond vs Red Grant is one of the finest early examples of two mad-for-it hard bastards trying to kill each other with their bare hands.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Bond cradles M as she dies in his arms and tells him she at least got one thing right, which when you consider how many people have died at Bond’s hands and how many lives he’s wrecked, isn’t saying much for her record.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“After the explosion, a plane flies overhead and skyhooks them to safety, but in a way that looks like it would kill them both instantly. Kutze is left behind, presumably to drown (he mentions he can’t swim) or be eaten by sharks. He’s the real hero here, and he gets fuck all by way of thanks.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Bond asks if she’s good at any other games (he means sex), and she says she’s not bad at golf, amongst other things (which probably means sex as well).”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Bond explains that if there’s a chance of getting a Lektor, it’s worth it, and plus he may get to have sex with a lady. Ali begrudgingly accepts this,”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“he begins to bleed red emulsion, and they’re able to follow the trails (and take a bit of it to B&Q so they can match that colour to do the spare room).”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Luckily, Bond has played GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64 and knows this facility like the back of his hand.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Sure. As you know, I have a vast selection of knives and I’m very good at throwing them. Shall I jump him in an alleyway or something?’ ‘Well, no. I’m thinking you could be in a coffin on a funeral boat, and then sort of spring up and throw knives at him.’ ‘Right . . . OK . . . Wouldn’t it be better if I just jump him in his hotel room or something?’ ‘No. It needs to be a coffin on a funeral boat.’ ‘I could cut his throat while he sleeps?’ ‘Funeral boat.’ ‘OK. You’re the boss.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“She shows him the Moonraker shuttle and begins to explain how it can land like any conventional aircraft after orbiting Earth, but Bond butts in and finishes her sentence like any proper man would.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Once again, it seems MI6 has moved location to exclusively service Bond wherever he goes on the planet. The other 00s must absolutely hate him.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“when she asks what happened, but once again Dalton delivers the joke with the disdain and bemusement of a waiter being asked for a Pot Noodle at The Ritz.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“The Spy Who Loved Me was the epic tantric session of sensual lovemaking that the franchise deserved. The fact that sex is such a key aspect to the plot is hardly surprising given that this adventure was written by Christopher Wood (oo-er), who also wrote the Robin Askwith Confessions films and a wealth of other erotica. Who better to write Bond?”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“The threat of death might usually be a bit of a passion killer, but Bond is made of sterner (unrelentingly persistent) stuff.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“They clamber aboard their airship, which inflates from inside a Portakabin – rather like Pavarotti emerging from his tent at Glyndebourne – and float away from Amberley Working Museum in Sussex, which doubled as ‘Main Strike Mine’. If you visit the museum today, they still have the Zorin-branded mine carts and the windmill, and you can look inside the mine entrance.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Interestingly, the man whom Bond is fighting is played by Peter Maivia (aka the Flying Hawaiian), the grandfather of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“As he leaves, a tour guide is pointing out all the glass cabinets, shelves and objects that will be broken later in some sort of fight.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“His female companion Andrea Anders (Maud Adams) towels his legs and looks on mournfully. This is the first of three appearances that Adams makes in Bond movies, confusingly playing a different character each time – the others being the titular character in Octopussy and a cameo in A View to a Kill.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“they are sent off the road, exploding in a ball of fire. Bond is asked by a shocked road worker how it happened, and he replies, ‘I think they were on their way to a funeral’, which doesn’t answer the question at all.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“When Bond selects the girl next to him, Tiger celebrates the decision and declares her as being very ‘sexyful’. This feels like an opportune moment to note that this screenplay was written by Roald Dahl, and ‘sexyful’ sounds like a word the BFG would use to describe pornography.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“To enter you have to enter a special keycode, which just happens to be the five-note sequence from Close Encounters of a Third Kind – a tongue-in-cheek joke Broccoli managed to achieve by personally asking Spielberg for permission. (Being a huge Bond fan, Spielberg agreed immediately, and many years later asked for the favour to be returned when producing The Goonies, asking Broccoli if he could use the 007 theme when Data swings through Mikey’s screen door.)”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod

“Like any sane person who has just witnessed a brutal assassination, she dug the bullet out and had it made into a bellybutton ring. Her obvious insanity does nothing to quell Bond’s horn, however, and they start snogging.”
― John Rain, Thunderbook: The World of Bond According to Smersh Pod