Jason Pargin > Quotes

“He felt a weight roll off him, the exquisite relief of canceled plans that extroverts will never know.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“I have this theory, that everything that happens on our screens is designed to do exactly what’s happening here, to repel us from one another, to create a war of all against all. It’s like a filter that only shows you others’ bad behavior, blocking the pure and letting through the poison, to make you scared of everyone who isn’t exactly identical to you. I think that, long-term, it traps your brain in a prison, that it’s designed to keep you inside, alone, with only those screens for comfort. A friend of mine came up with a name for it, for these algorithms, this media mind prison. We call it the black box of doom.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Sometimes when life’s Warning Light won’t stop flashing, the best thing you can do is just put some electrician’s tape over it.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Hi Mom. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay. I don’t know if you watch the news but it looks like I inherited like a billion dollars in drug money or something. Can you find a lawyer? Just tell him I’m in danger of getting murdered or going to jail for having a bunch of heroin warehouses and mafia money that I didn’t even ask for, so whatever he can do to fix that would be great—SHUT UP! Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you, Arthur’s robot toilet is hassling me. Oh also my bodyguard shot a guy last night, hope that’s okay. He had super powers, they all do. I don’t know what’s up with that. Anyway, call me.”
Well, that should set her mind at ease.”
― Jason Pargin, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

“I don’t want you shooting anybody today,” said Amy, “even if solving a complicated problem by shooting it is just about the most American thing I can imagine. We have to get the guy to stay willingly.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Have you ever found yourself obsessively watching a TV show you don’t actually enjoy? That probably means you’re just watching your parasite’s favorite show.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“We were just about to head to the lake to do that thing where we celebrate America’s birthday by terrifying all of its dogs,”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Don’t romanticize people’s flaws. That’s what’s wrong with our culture.” “No. What’s ruining the culture is worshipping people who pretend they don’t have flaws. We’re all broken. And you couldn’t pull this off because you didn’t have John.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Humans act like assholes when they’re scared. Anybody who’s trying to keep you scared all the time just wants to breed more assholes into the world. Don’t let them do it.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“The most effective manipulation always comes with the illusion of choice; it feels less like a whip and more like quenching a thirst.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Their true wealth is invisible to them because it comes in the form of what they’re missing: that constant hum of anxiety that sucks the energy from the rest of us. If their refrigerator craps out, they can fix it. If they fall down the stairs, their insurance will cover the hospital bill. If the breadwinner loses his job, he’ll have his pick of landing spots. When I daydream about having money, it’s not about jewelry and Jacuzzis and Jet Skis. I dream about having that unseen cushion, that margin of error I can just take for granted.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“it turned out that Key’s actual favorite hobby was buying supplies for hobbies. She didn’t really get any joy out of the next part, and it was starting to get expensive.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“We're all just babies trapped in God's hot parked car.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Knowing how you’re dumb is one of the most valuable kinds of smart there is.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“It was a skill one could acquire with practice, the way mechanics can tell what repairs your car needs just by looking at how expensive your shoes are.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“You’re probably not gonna save the world, but you can save individual people’s worlds, and that’s still pretty sweet.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“The wrong friends can make you lonelier than being alone.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“At the level of poverty where we exist—not starving but hopelessly locked out of the middle class—it feels like flying over an active volcano on the back of a winged creature that is friendly but also very drunk.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Now turn off whatever machine you’re reading this on and go the fuck outside.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“nothing ruins your view of the world like getting your dream job.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Placebos work better when they cost more; it’s science. Seriously.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“but what was life but a series of hard jobs you had to endure because you’d screwed up the easy ones?”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“But the reason it had to be us is that the three of us understand something that most people don't. The devil is real, but he doesn't turn up in a red suit with hooves. You have to imagine him as like a disease that you get-you pass it on and you don't even know it. Educated people don't call it the devil; they call it trauma. It rewires your brain and tries to spread itself down to the next generation and the one after that, the pain rolling down through time. The old man talking to you in your dreams, I think you know that he's just you, the man you can wind up being if you go down this path.
All that about the end of the world? The best and worst news you're gonna hear all day is this: There's no such thing. It's another one of Dave's fake painted-on exits. You try to end it, and instead of release, it's just waves of trauma. The devil wins. You hate your dad and you should; he poured all his sickness into you. But if you want to fight him, the way you do it is by making sure you don't pass on the trauma. That's how you kill the devil. The only way.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Society is doomed for one very simple reason: it takes dozens of men working months with millions of dollars in material to build a building, but only one dumb-ass with a bomb to bring it down.”
― Jason Pargin, John Dies at the End

“I felt like living my life through screens had trapped me in this dark little cell, my own black box of doom.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“I’d previously assumed we’d done everything in our lives perfectly up to now.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“It tasted like a meal that was prepared sarcastically.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“So that’s two groups who both believe the world is ending, but for totally opposite reasons. Some say runaway capitalism, some say runaway socialism. Some say it’ll be chaotic lawlessness, some say iron-fisted authoritarianism. It’s like I have one panicked neighbor saying there’s an impending drought and another screaming that we’re all about to drown in a flood. Somebody has to be wrong.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“There are things people actually believe said Andre, and things they only pretend to believe because it's convenient. But over time it don't matter which is which, it all just blurs together.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

“Our whole civilization is amusing itself right into the dustbin of history.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia