Jason Pargin > Quotes

“He felt a weight roll off him, the exquisite relief of canceled plans that extroverts will never know.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“I have this theory, that everything that happens on our screens is designed to do exactly what’s happening here, to repel us from one another, to create a war of all against all. It’s like a filter that only shows you others’ bad behavior, blocking the pure and letting through the poison, to make you scared of everyone who isn’t exactly identical to you. I think that, long-term, it traps your brain in a prison, that it’s designed to keep you inside, alone, with only those screens for comfort. A friend of mine came up with a name for it, for these algorithms, this media mind prison. We call it the black box of doom.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Hi Mom. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay. I don’t know if you watch the news but it looks like I inherited like a billion dollars in drug money or something. Can you find a lawyer? Just tell him I’m in danger of getting murdered or going to jail for having a bunch of heroin warehouses and mafia money that I didn’t even ask for, so whatever he can do to fix that would be great—SHUT UP! Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you, Arthur’s robot toilet is hassling me. Oh also my bodyguard shot a guy last night, hope that’s okay. He had super powers, they all do. I don’t know what’s up with that. Anyway, call me.”
Well, that should set her mind at ease.”
― Jason Pargin, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

“Sometimes when life’s Warning Light won’t stop flashing, the best thing you can do is just put some electrician’s tape over it.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“I don’t want you shooting anybody today,” said Amy, “even if solving a complicated problem by shooting it is just about the most American thing I can imagine. We have to get the guy to stay willingly.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Have you ever found yourself obsessively watching a TV show you don’t actually enjoy? That probably means you’re just watching your parasite’s favorite show.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“it turned out that Key’s actual favorite hobby was buying supplies for hobbies. She didn’t really get any joy out of the next part, and it was starting to get expensive.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“We're all just babies trapped in God's hot parked car.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“We were just about to head to the lake to do that thing where we celebrate America’s birthday by terrifying all of its dogs,”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Placebos work better when they cost more; it’s science. Seriously.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“but what was life but a series of hard jobs you had to endure because you’d screwed up the easy ones?”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Knowing how you’re dumb is one of the most valuable kinds of smart there is.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“The most effective manipulation always comes with the illusion of choice; it feels less like a whip and more like quenching a thirst.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“It was a skill one could acquire with practice, the way mechanics can tell what repairs your car needs just by looking at how expensive your shoes are.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“The wrong friends can make you lonelier than being alone.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“I felt like living my life through screens had trapped me in this dark little cell, my own black box of doom.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“nothing ruins your view of the world like getting your dream job.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“And people like you and me and others in our demographic describe that state of affairs as the world being ‘on fire.’ I think that’s a bizarre mass delusion and that there’s a very specific reason for it: we’ve been trained to cling to a miserable view of the world to the point that we think that not seeing the world as miserable makes us bad people.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Humans act like assholes when they’re scared. Anybody who’s trying to keep you scared all the time just wants to breed more assholes into the world. Don’t let them do it.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Don’t romanticize people’s flaws. That’s what’s wrong with our culture.” “No. What’s ruining the culture is worshipping people who pretend they don’t have flaws. We’re all broken. And you couldn’t pull this off because you didn’t have John.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“Society is doomed for one very simple reason: it takes dozens of men working months with millions of dollars in material to build a building, but only one dumb-ass with a bomb to bring it down.”
― Jason Pargin, John Dies at the End

“It tasted like a meal that was prepared sarcastically.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“At the level of poverty where we exist—not starving but hopelessly locked out of the middle class—it feels like flying over an active volcano on the back of a winged creature that is friendly but also very drunk.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“There are things people actually believe said Andre, and things they only pretend to believe because it's convenient. But over time it don't matter which is which, it all just blurs together.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

“Their true wealth is invisible to them because it comes in the form of what they’re missing: that constant hum of anxiety that sucks the energy from the rest of us. If their refrigerator craps out, they can fix it. If they fall down the stairs, their insurance will cover the hospital bill. If the breadwinner loses his job, he’ll have his pick of landing spots. When I daydream about having money, it’s not about jewelry and Jacuzzis and Jet Skis. I dream about having that unseen cushion, that margin of error I can just take for granted.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“I’d previously assumed we’d done everything in our lives perfectly up to now.”
― Jason Pargin, If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

“So that’s two groups who both believe the world is ending, but for totally opposite reasons. Some say runaway capitalism, some say runaway socialism. Some say it’ll be chaotic lawlessness, some say iron-fisted authoritarianism. It’s like I have one panicked neighbor saying there’s an impending drought and another screaming that we’re all about to drown in a flood. Somebody has to be wrong.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“Our whole civilization is amusing itself right into the dustbin of history.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“I promised to listen without rebutting or disagreeing, but from my point of view, you’re painting me and all women as sly, evil schemers, when the reality is that we spend every second of our lives tearing ourselves apart with insecurity. And, yeah, even before I’d bought my first bra, I was taught that the wrong encounter with an angry man could get me killed. Not that I had to be told—I think every girl remembers the first time she was wrestling with a boy, just playing, and suddenly realized how incredibly strong he was in comparison, that almost every man is stronger than almost every woman—that bell curve barely overlaps. So from then on, yeah, we live our lives in fear of making a man angry, and yes, we develop tools to keep it at bay. You can call it manipulation, but, Abbott, so much of it is just self-preservation.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom

“When I spent those months doing hallucinogens, I didn’t suddenly see the beauty and harmony of nature; I saw that humans everywhere were working really hard to make life better for other humans and that almost none of us appreciate it. I’m not crediting this miracle to capitalism or socialism or any other kind of ism but to the fact that it’s what humans do, because humans are amazing. And it’s all invisible to us because the progress occurs behind these dark walls of cynicism, outside the black box of doom.”
― Jason Pargin, I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom