Mark Waller > Quotes

“If you're a Lion, it has to do with shame. If you're a Unicorn, it has to do with fear. Looking to your own inner state, rather than to the other person's behavior, sets up the possibility of getting your underlying emotional need met. For Unicorns, this has to do with safety. For Lions, it's about approval in some form or another. Being able to state the pain clearly, without any defense, is essential in order not to trigger the other person's defense. You want the possibility of a compassionate response.”
― Mark Waller, The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn

“And that is the purpose of this book. I believe that the key to intimacy in a relationship is the ability to have compassion for the other person. But compassion comes only through awareness and communication.”
― Mark Waller, The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn: The Secret of Conscious Relationships

“It would go something like this: “When I see you so angry, I feel frightened and unsafe. It makes me want to run away. But I really want to be with you and not run away. Will you help me feel safer?” Or a Lion dealing with the avoidance of the Unicorn: “When you don't respond to me, I feel rejected. Please help me with my feelings of rejection.”
― Mark Waller, The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn

“Unfortunately, we all have unmet emotional needs. More profoundly tragic is that we simply don’t know what they are.”
― Mark Waller, The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn: The Secret of Conscious Relationships