H. Jon Benjamin > Quotes

“So many out there place an undue burden on themselves to succeed at something, whatever it might be, and then if they fail, grow seeds of resentment and hate toward that failure and, as a result, themselves, and in many cases, project that resentment and hatred onto others.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime, but he’ll probably come to really hate fishing, so just give him a fish and teach him to fish.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“You know that feeling when you realize you have to spend an entire summer with a convicted felon? That’s how I felt.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“My dad also had a gun. He never shot it. I guess it was for protection. He kept it hidden in a box somewhere on a shelf in the back of a hallway closet—a perfect spot for a gun when you need one quickly. In the event of a home invasion, my father would have to exchange pleasantries with the intruders, all the while subtly making his way to a closet at the other side of the house to get the gun. Or maybe his plan all along was to deceive them by telling them that he keeps all his money in a wooden box in a hall closet, then lure them to this closet and then, after using a stepladder to reach up to the shelf for the box, slowly open it, pull out the pistol, and say, “Oh, my mistake, this was the box with this in it,” then BLAM BLAM BLAM, shower them with bullets.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“Teens are this grisly combination of suppressed rage, sexual confusion, vanity, and unrelenting incompetence, but there may be a redeeming sweetness there, somewhere, buried very deep. Just imagine Donald Trump but more agile. Or a turkey vulture. There is a constant war between needing affirmation and shunning affirmation.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“Here’s the basic problem. As Noah failed to convince the people to bow to the will of God, God failed us by choosing Noah to get the word out. And here we are today, the product of a failed guy and, to a greater degree, a failed God, who trusted the wrong person to do his bidding and then punished humanity for his own faulty methodology. Basically, God was way too needy. This kind of attitude is all over the Bible: God always being mad at his creations and doling out disproportional punishment. It’s certainly not a fair fight, pitting humans against omnipotence.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir

“Basically, God was way too needy. This kind of attitude is all over the Bible: God always being mad at his creations and doling out disproportional punishment. It’s certainly not a fair fight, pitting humans against omnipotence.”
― H. Jon Benjamin, Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir