Kristy Cunning > Quotes

“So if you were a boy band, you’d be One Erection,” I state, rambling because they have me nervous.”
― Kristy Cunning, Four Psychos

“I’ve decided that’s what I must be—a protective spirit who has been cursed to watch over the most self-centered brats in history, who are willingly about to run through this deadly thing.”
― Kristy Cunning, Four Psychos

“Jude is the only one awake. He never really slept as deeply as the other three, and I’m fairly sure he resents the hell out of all of them for sleeping as well as they have. And he resents me for my wicked vagina voodoo. My milkshake brings all the boys to naptime…Yeah, that’s not how that song goes. The song is a lot sexier, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
― Kristy Cunning, Three Trials

“I’m going to need you to stop talking about that, because I’m hard as stone, and you have no idea the temptation I’m battling.” “My evil vagina is impressed with her powers of temptation,” I deadpan.”
― Kristy Cunning, Three Trials

“My epiphany has been that none of you deserve me. You can look. You can fantasize. Like I've had to. Try to bring home a woman, and I'll make farting noises while wearing a dolphin costume and acting like I'm humping each of you. See how long you can hold an erection then.”
― Kristy Cunning, Four Psychos

“People often wonder what makes monsters. The answer is other people,”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Origins

“Pinocchio is a movie that resonates very deeply with you?” Ezekiel asks from far behind me, probably cautioned not to get too close so I can’t whammy him with my evil vagina powers.”
― Kristy Cunning, Four Psychos

“The song of a Gypsy’s Pride: The tea leaves warned of blood and death. Four gypsy first-borns breathed the last breath. War! War! Beyond the double-dutch doors! Sing, sweet gypsies, who will be mistaken no more. Six gypsy families all stood nigh. Five gypsy families for one sacrifice. Four gypsy families broken apart. Three gypsy families turned cold of heart. Two gypsy families couldn’t back down. One gypsy family went underground. Forever is such a long time to bleed. Worst are the gypsies brought to their knees. Sing, gypsies, sing of your lies. Never trust a gypsy with no gypsy pride. Sing, gypsies, sing of your truths. The apples have all rotted; the oranges just bruised.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“Maybe their parents didn’t love them enough and it made them stabby?”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Blood

“Just a suggestion: When the Devil says, “Let the games begin,” see if you can run in the opposite direction. If not, put on your big girl panties. Someone might die.”
― Kristy Cunning, Three Trials

“Not one word of this to Paca,” he bites out, pointing the blade of his scythe at each of us, one by one. “Like we’d tell her you just fought an evil fucking unicorn,” Kai scoffs. “One that may or may not have been horny.”
― Kristy Cunning, One Apocalypse

“I’m trying to be your dirty, kinky rebound from the boring, drab Van Helsing. I’m not trying to be your gay best friend. My answer is that he’s not worth it, but I am,” he says with a completely serious expression.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“There’s a vampire bitch here. I’d kick her ass, but my instincts make me a runner, not a fighter,” she states very seriously.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“Jude finally pushes off, turns on his heel, and stalks out, yelling behind him, “I can’t handle her right now. Someone else make her stop being ridiculous so I can effectively yell at her some more!”
― Kristy Cunning, Two Kingdoms

“You’d all really rather sleep in your own rooms because you’re mad at me, and suffer through those nightmares, than to have to share a bed with me? I thought you were simply being petty, but you must truly hate me to knowingly put yourselves through that,” I say on a strained whisper. “All because I wandered off to try and learn more about myself while the four of you plotted your own plan behind my back? Do you not see the hypocrisy, or do you just find my thoughts and needs to be completely irrelevant? Am I still really that insignificant?”
― Kristy Cunning, Two Kingdoms

“The point is, we can’t enjoy a woman, unless we enjoy her together. It’s part of the bond. None of us have ever had a woman on our own.” “So if you were a boy band, you’d be One Erection,” I state, rambling because they have me nervous.”
― Kristy Cunning, Four Psychos

“Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m really dumb or just too damn stupid to live. Then I remember I can’t die, so option number one it is.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“I…have no idea what to say. Kidnapping a girl and showering her with dead bodies as roses is not something I can adjust to at all. Nope.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Blood

“Do you remember that mother in the park who flung sacks of dog shit at a group of kids after one kid looked at her daughter wrong?” I ask her very seriously. “Of course I do. That woman was batshit crazy. Why are you—” “Because you’re more embarrassing”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Rising

“Lamar, why do they go into a trance when I change into this?” I ask as I go phantom and change into the Egyptian Princess outfit before turning whole again. The guys…don’t go into a trance. Not even Ezekiel, and he missed it the first time. It makes me look like a liar. Weirdly, I take offense to feeling like a liar. It’s weird because I’m the DEVIL’S FUCKING DAUGHTER and THE APOCALYPSE, but being thought of as a liar irks me. My priorities are so messed up.”
― Kristy Cunning, Three Trials

“Someone should start answering,” Cain says, leaning up. “She’s got that crazy look in her eyes, and they’ll follow her lead. You’ve spent too long pissing them off.” Cain is officially my new favorite sibling. I recant that when he reaches down and scratches his balls with a firm look of concentration on his face. Man, with the effort he’s putting into that, they must really itch… I just threw up in my mouth.”
― Kristy Cunning, Two Kingdoms

“Why are you driving?!” I shout at her. “How are you driving?!” “Because you can’t have a fast getaway if you’re doing the speed limit!” she snaps. “And I have ghost powers, eejit!”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Rising

“dead men tell no tales’ thing is a total load of crap, by the way. Ghosts never shut the hell up, and it’s hard to believe half the shit they say.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Blood

“Images roll through them and into my mind…images of us on a bed as he fucks me like he never plans to love me”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Blood

“All arguments devolve into old, unresolved arguments when there’s too much bitter history between people.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“I’d like to buy every rose in your store,” I tell the woman who remains silent, as though she’s stunned. “And if you have any apologetic balloons, I’ll buy those too,” I tell her as I scrub a hand over my face. “Better make it every single flower in your store. I have a lot more to apologize for than I can say with just roses. I don’t want her as frigid with me as she is with Vance. Personally, I still think he’s the bigger ass out of the two of us, but I still should apologize properly.”

“I’m sorry?” she says.

“Yes. That’s what I want every single card to say,” I tell her.

“This is all very confusing,” she says quietly, more to herself than me.

Staring at the partially eaten green apple in my hand, I tell her, “You have no idea.”

- Damien”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak

“Violet, this closet with all the creepy dolls, can I—” “Don’t touch my creepy doll collection, Leiza,” Violet says sharply. “Quit trying to get rid of all my favorite things.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Moon

“He still has rainbow-goop holding his hand to his face, and it’s started spreading. The tar on me is slowly freezing me in place the more it dries, and I can’t even lift myself off the ground. “I’m embarrassed for us right now,” Jude says very seriously in that quietly seething way of his.”
― Kristy Cunning, One Apocalypse

“With them, it’s always like collecting a trail of breadcrumbs, leaving me only to guess where they all lead. I hope I don’t get baked in some crazy bitch’s oven when I finally find the end of the trail.”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Origins

“Say you’ll leave a window open, and I promise to only watch the non-creepy things.” “It’s all creepy,”
― Kristy Cunning, Gypsy Freak