David Nadelberg > Quotes

“Fuck cotton.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Do you often enjoy frolicking purely on whims?”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“God, if you can hear me, please listen. This wonderful, religious person has done nothing to deserve this pain. Neither have I.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“I think George Washington is very good.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Yup, she rejected me…but with legitimacy.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Do you still think it’s a toss up between Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, and Christian Slater for sexiest man alive?”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Dear Mom + Dad, I fuckin’ can’t stand this bastard camp!”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Less than a week after my parents finally came and pulled me out nearly a month early, we received a letter from the camp owners. It was dated the day after I left the camp.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“This is too quiet. We need some music.” He got up and turned on the RIO album.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“What I left out from that list was that Eddie, the kid in the bunk bed over me, had accidentally dropped toothpaste down on me and then dropped a candle, which lit my blanket on fire.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“When it comes down to physical maturity, though, Jessica is tops. She is really developed, and has a meadow of pubic hair!”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“The letter informed all parents that due to an accident wherein a camper was playing with matches, a fire quickly spread and burned two cabins to the ground. One of those cabins was mine. And that kid? It was Eddie, my bunkmate from before.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“He climbed on top of me like a baby tiger. Gentle but sort of aggressive. By now everything was off except for his bandana and we started to make love.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Now I know you hate my guts, because if you liked me, you wouldn’t torture me. Come up here on Saturday the 24th. If you send me one more of those crap letters, I’ll rip it up and burn it.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Dear Mom and Dad, I can’t stand it anymore!!!”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Jenny: Okay. Have you ever had sex wildly before. Matt: Yes. I’ve had it many times.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Will Buffy quit school? She doesn’t have a driver’s license.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“You know what? I bet this is test to see how good of an actress I am. If I can’t kiss Randy I will never be an actress, I must be strong.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“I wish Dr. Martin Luther King was here at this time. I wish he was president. If Dr. King was here at this time, I wouldn’t be afraid of thunder.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Dear Journal, Last year, my favorite expression was, “I feel like a sausage right now.” This year, I’ve decided on “Goodness gracious, great balls of meatloaf!” You can’t just think of a good expression, it comes to you when you are ready. That’s how I came up with meatloaf.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Dear Mom and Dad, Camp is shitty and boring. Everything’s been going wrong. Such as: Jason borrowed my red short-sleeved shirt and lost it. My flashlight (still) isn’t working. I got a cut on my penis when I flunked my canoe test. I’m very homesick. I wish you could arrange so I can only stay 1 month instead of 2.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“I am in love in an illegal way with Seth Green.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Well its 9:30, I better get my beauty rest, even though I’m ugly.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Have you developed any talent?”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“The most interesting thing that I realized about “The Porn” when I reread it as an adult was that I didn’t understand the concept of an orgasm. I got that you’d feel something down there, and I could tell that the feeling would build and build and that ultimately some sort of something would have to happen. But I simply could not conceive of what that might be. And so in my story, at the climactic moments, all the characters just…pee.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“Then Friday I was so psyched! Sharon was gonna talk to Randi for me. I was gonna hit on Lisa. I had my cool shirt on and everything BUT Sharon was sick.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“He poured a glass of wine and we both drank from it at the same time. Kinky, huh?”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“He climbed on top of me like a baby tiger.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“He created a wonderful performance which lasted one whole side of RIO plus the other side up to Save a Prayer.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified

“I have to act extra giving because I’m a Jew. Like if I’m in the food line to buy my Lorna Doones and tea in the morning, and some popular girl like Cindy McKlansky is in line in front of me, short of change or something, I have to give her money. I don’t have a choice, it’s a requirement. If I were Irish-Catholic, like a lot of people in my town, I could blow her off completely.”
― David Nadelberg, Mortified