Frederick Joseph > Quotes

“Black children have to lose their innocence before white children do. They can't afford the luxury of just reading about the impact of racism and white supremacy in a book, because they're living it every day. Because oftentimes it means life or death.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Black people and people of color are taught in school, in the media, and in everyday interactions to be empathetic and understanding of white people and their history. But most white people never have to do the same for us.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“I've come to realize that a fear of accountability is why white people say things like 'I don't see color' and 'Why does everything have to be about race?' Because to see my color, to see my culture, to see my race, would also mean taking responsibility for how white people have historically treated people my color, with my culture, from my race.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Because Black kids don’t get to make mistakes. Black kids don’t get to be kids. Black kids get judgment and bullets.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Being someone who supports people of color and stands against racism isn't easy. Sometimes it requires sacrifice and having difficult conversations -- but that will never be as difficult as actually being impacted by racism.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“You are more than the trauma you have endured, and you can be more than the trauma you have caused.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“I trust you, and that why I'll be honest and tell you that change is not easy. For some people, it won't matter that we're friends, or that you're friends with people who are like me.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“No one would be comfortable being racist around someone who truly stands against racism. If you still have racist friends in your life, you aren’t truly standing against racism.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Am I wrong for wanting to christen a child with a name
Drawn from the wellspring of our ancestors,
Gift them laughter from my favorite movies,
Pass down the colors of teams I cherish,
Show up for them in the places I felt alone?

Could I bear the weight of a child's trust broken,
Knowing there was a way to protect them from it all?
As I yearn to press my own life into another,
I know evergreen love cannot be an everlasting shield
For Black children living as both miracle and target.”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“I was reborn with the understanding that healing and accountability give us the opportunity to no longer be bound to our past selves.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“Liberation is a lie unless every shackled soul one day finds themselves on the shores of freedom.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Realizing your life won't last forever has a way of reminding you to be free. Realizing your name may last forever has a way of reminding you to help free others.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“Does the divine reside on an unseen world,
or could it be nestled in the things that dare to love us
More than we love ourselves?”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“Where do white people start? How does someone learn empathy? Is it by watching a specific movie? Listening to an album? I think it starts with understanding.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“We need to do away with the idea of 'normal,' especially when it's used as a stand-in for 'mainstream' (whether that's white or anything else seen as such). Because at the heart of this difference between normal and abnormal is the belief that these so-called normal things are neutral.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“I don't want to be an interlude in my own existence.”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“If you feel you don’t need to read this book because you’re already a decent white person, there’s a good chance you’re not as decent as you think.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“When trauma's ghosts threaten to erase desires you penciled in,
And heartache makes a home in the marrow of your bones,
Sit with me, so we might hold a seance to resurrect your joy.”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“Before I continue, I have to address something. In this book, the n-word comes up a few times. I was asked whether I wanted to censor it, or write “n-word,” since the book is intended for a white audience, who shouldn’t be saying that word. But that isn’t authentic. So I will say this: if you’re not Black, don’t say it. Just because it’s in the book, that doesn’t mean you can read it aloud. Thanks!”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Personally, I believe we are heading in the right direction, but I don't think we've reached a true reckoning yet. That would require a dismantling of oppressive systems and accountability for the conscious and unconscious roles we all play in them. If a true reckoning was taking place, conversations and policies focused on supporting Black transgender women and reparations would not still be widely framed as "radical.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“My love grows daily for the man I am trying to be....”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“My sort of love is soothing, like the brook
Behind my childhood home.
Loud enough to always find my way back.”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“Connection is one of the most beautiful aspects of being here...”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“While this book is meant to be a guide for white people to understand and be better, it's important that white people also understand that it isn't the duty of Black people or people of color to explain things. I'm doing so because I hope it can ultimately make change for my community.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Many view this concept as altruistic. But in order for any of us to be free, we must no longer view the oppressions of other people as problems specific to individual groups, but instead understand that oppression in any form decays the very fabric of our society.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood

“I'm asking you to protect one another and learn from one another. I'm asking you to turn 'different' into the new normal, and then tell others to do the same.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“We have to learn to see with new eyes, hear with new ears, and find new ways to trust other people's words when they tell us and show us how we're hurting them. Because doing the right thing sometimes means putting the pain of others before our own, especially if we are part of creating it.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“Why should I celebrate a nation
Where tomorrow remains a coin toss?”
― Frederick Joseph, We Alive, Beloved: Poems

“The Black Friend is the person who is willing to speak the truth to the white people in their lives, to call them out when they do or say something hurtful, ignorant, or offensive.”
― Frederick Joseph, The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

“But the truth is that since I was about ten years old all I actually wanted to be when I grew up was alive.”
― Frederick Joseph, Patriarchy Blues: Reflections on Manhood